Friday, 28 April 2006

The Ex

We had a phone call out the blue late last night from son's biological father asking to come visit this weekend. What this means in practise is him coming up by train - because he drives all the time to work and thinks the drive to us is too much - and staying overnight. Which is absolutely fine with us and with Mr Doris.

Sadly, ex does very little to keep in contact with gorgeous son and nothing at all to help with any maintenance costs. He has good intentions but in the end it is his loss. He has missed out on son growing up. Ex was once an informally adoptive father to my daughter but he lost that honour ages ago when he decided he no longer needed to honour her birthday or give her presents. That was most cruel since he loved her very much once upon a time and used to make her feel special.

He is not a cruel person by nature but has ended up being quite thoughtless at times. I wonder about the true nature of his visit as he spoke to me last night with a real gentleness in his voice with almost a touching memory about stuff I had told him in the past such as about my long lost family recently found. I've warned Mr Doris we need to be cautious as I am sure that ex has no qualms on making a move on me even in my new home with my husband about!

Ex and I had an almost Romeo and Juliet passion and love that went on for about 13 years. Even before I managed to have my daughter by someone else. Which is why I affectionately call myself a slapper. And I'm still not telling the whole story. What amazes me is how much ex has managed to overcome his stupid masculine proudness. It was me that called it quits finally and he used to declare that there is no way he would have any contact with me or the kids once a man was in my life. His pride wouldn't allow it. It was Mr Doris who helped trick him into meeting and somehow ex overcame his prejudices and actually found a lot in common with Mr Doris and visited reasonably often when we lived nearer.

It is bizarre having civilised dinners round the table with my beloved Mr Doris and ex at the same table with perfectly affable behaviour from all. Ex has stayed with us before - I think the current rate is seeing his son about once a year - and that was OK. He said he would phone today to confirm his train times but he hasn't done that yet. I expect it will be another late call. Or heaven forbid he has cancelled because I've now told son. It wiil be an interesting and curious weekend.

Original Comments:

Jessica said...

Wow, it's good that time helped things change. I can't imagine ever doing that if my husband and I were to get divorced.

Friday, April 28, 2006 7:27:00 PM

Stegbeetle said...

Well, I'm glad that you and Mr Doris are on good terms with your ex but it sounds like a recipe for headaches to me!

Friday, April 28, 2006 8:30:00 PM

Joe said...

Well Doris I hope it goes well. It sounds like you have a pretty good relationship with ex, all things considered.

The thought of what it would be like to separated from my children and seeing them once a year is a horrid one for me. I couldn't go on without them in my life, or I guess if I did there would be this big aching hole. And yet most divorced men do loose touch with their children. I wonder why?

BTW - Why would he try to make a move on you? He must have figured that you have moved on completely. Or does he still hold a candle for you somehow?

Friday, April 28, 2006 11:33:00 PM

doris said...

LOL It is not hard to keep a candle burning for me!!! ;-) I may jest, but yes he still holds something to what we once had, whereas I don't. I did mention Romeo and Juliet didn't I? And the cheeky bugger has tried it on in the past.

As for him losing touch with his son that is really up to him and it would not have been for want of my (or Mr Doris') efforts or encouragement. He has another child elsewhere and he has finally lost contact with her. Sad. But he has other kids to keep him occupied!

Hi Jessica! It is good to have the cordiality and civility. Just a strange situation really.

No headaches here Steg. Except unless you count me overdoing the wine last night and needing water now in the middle of the night!

And the really cute thing is... our radio in the kitchen is on day and night (it gives nice vibes) and I just went in there to get water and they were playing "my song". Ahhh.

Saturday, April 29, 2006 3:29:00 AM

doris said...

Oh Jessica, I was just reading through some of your older blogs and the tempestuous husband you have. It seems more appropriate to comment back here .... I don't know how you do it and am not surprised you can't imagine him being OK if you divorced. I am not sure I can catch up on your life in one reading and hope that things are improving. ((Hugs))

Saturday, April 29, 2006 3:59:00 AM

Britmum said...

Doris good luck with your weekend. I hope it turns out well for the sake of your son. It must be hard on him but I expect he has an exceptional relationship with Mr Doris as you come across as a wonderful parents.

Take care xxx

Saturday, April 29, 2006 5:08:00 AM

Gerald Ford said...

Hi Doris,

Sorry to hear about your awkward dinner. Even though it went well, it's still agonizing to have to deal with that.

Either way, I feel worse over your son. He deserves better treatment.

Sunday, April 30, 2006 5:57:00 AM

jane said...

For some reason, sons really need/want to know they're loved by their biological dad. It sounds as though your ex was too hurt & couldn't bear to see another man in his shoes. But, what is now is what matters. I hope he shows up & that your son gets a very nice visit with him.
Thanks for your well wishes for Tarzan. He's almost perfectly better now.
Hey, you know our 1 year anniversary is coming up next month? WootWoot!

Sunday, April 30, 2006 6:15:00 AM

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