Here we are, nearly middle of December, and our Christmas card count stands at four received! Plus two I have in my drawer at work which are the obligatory ones. Is that a sign of Christmas this year or a knock on effect of my tardiness in previous years? As if this household is just about me and things wouldn't happen if I didn't do it, which is possibly true to some extent but nature abhors a vacuum and if I weren't here then others would fill that social void. Which is a whole 'nother digression.
This morning I woke up planning to work on clearing down the decks in readiness for visitors and guests in just over a week and already in less than an hour I am thinking that with a humongous push I could print up those address labels, write a sentence or two in each card and whip them down to the post box by midday. Please may we have enough stamps in stock to carry out this process.
On the starters mark: close down the blogs; do not be diverted by anything else; open the labels file from Christmases past and revise and print; fetch out the cards already purchased way back; sit at table and start writing; get what is done to the post office this morning, especially those overseas ones in some vague attempt they might even arrive; and do it. Now!
UPDATE: Just four hours later and I am back from the Post Office including standing in the long queue. About 36 cards written and posted. No wonder I had a smug look on my face walking back through our cute little town. The Town Crier dressed in his red frock coat with scrolled announcement board called out the town's news to the high street with a few market stalls set up. It is not yet midday and I can think of what next in our Christmas preparations.
Showing posts with label procrastination. Show all posts
Showing posts with label procrastination. Show all posts
Saturday, 14 December 2013
Sunday, 27 October 2013
Money and taste
The Welsh Dresser arrangement has been an extreme success with positive comments from my sister and others. Best of all though is the increased space in the kitchen and the "keeping it clear and tidy" attitude I have been adopting in this part of the house.
There is a mug in our collection that reads "If the house is clean there is an assignment overdue"! Which is so true for me in that the state of my accounts is pretty woeful which is in striking comparison to the increasing order in some areas of our home. All that shifting and clearing was bound to create a vacuum in which with papers in piles and needing to be sorted my accounts were going to become a target. I tried looking for a local PA to hire and help me but for some reason my googling skills let me down. Finally, I emailed a confession to my accountant in case she knew of someone who could help. The reply was rather short and curt telling me I can not afford to hire someone and arranging an appointment for me to come in and see her. A date this coming week has been sorted and I have been told to bring in my papers from such and such a date in the dim and distant past.
Oh dear. And yet, fantastic. I have been told. Like a naughty girl I must appear before head teacher and I can not let her down. The thing is, my papers are here, there and everywhere. In purses, bags, piles, slipped in this or that nook and cranny. Unopened envelopes conceal I do not know. I am terrified and yet I want it sorted. All up to date, not just to the previous accounting year, or my case the one before that! I want to never be in this mess again. I want to earn enough to be paying tax. I want the brakes to come off and the money to flow in - I have plenty of good uses for it.
With just four days notice of the agreed appointment I have so much to go through. I can forget about trying to get it all perfect which is probably what stops me in the first place and I will just have to get something done. Meanwhile, I already had an appointment with my niece to go shopping with her which turned into a fun day out (eliminating one of my four days) culminating in making gorgeous cupcakes with cream cheese topping. It is official that in under an hour it is possible to get home and make seventeen muffin sized cupcakes, let them cool and ice them. They were delicious.Too darned easy to eat on the whole.
If only the accounts were as easy and yet, in the end, they probably will be. It is just those barriers and hurdles in one's mind that holds us up.
There is a mug in our collection that reads "If the house is clean there is an assignment overdue"! Which is so true for me in that the state of my accounts is pretty woeful which is in striking comparison to the increasing order in some areas of our home. All that shifting and clearing was bound to create a vacuum in which with papers in piles and needing to be sorted my accounts were going to become a target. I tried looking for a local PA to hire and help me but for some reason my googling skills let me down. Finally, I emailed a confession to my accountant in case she knew of someone who could help. The reply was rather short and curt telling me I can not afford to hire someone and arranging an appointment for me to come in and see her. A date this coming week has been sorted and I have been told to bring in my papers from such and such a date in the dim and distant past.
Oh dear. And yet, fantastic. I have been told. Like a naughty girl I must appear before head teacher and I can not let her down. The thing is, my papers are here, there and everywhere. In purses, bags, piles, slipped in this or that nook and cranny. Unopened envelopes conceal I do not know. I am terrified and yet I want it sorted. All up to date, not just to the previous accounting year, or my case the one before that! I want to never be in this mess again. I want to earn enough to be paying tax. I want the brakes to come off and the money to flow in - I have plenty of good uses for it.
With just four days notice of the agreed appointment I have so much to go through. I can forget about trying to get it all perfect which is probably what stops me in the first place and I will just have to get something done. Meanwhile, I already had an appointment with my niece to go shopping with her which turned into a fun day out (eliminating one of my four days) culminating in making gorgeous cupcakes with cream cheese topping. It is official that in under an hour it is possible to get home and make seventeen muffin sized cupcakes, let them cool and ice them. They were delicious.Too darned easy to eat on the whole.
If only the accounts were as easy and yet, in the end, they probably will be. It is just those barriers and hurdles in one's mind that holds us up.
Friday, 22 February 2013
Migraine - urgh!
Yesterday was a full blown throw it up migraine. I haven't had one of those in months, possibly a couple of years. Thank goodness it was yesterday and could be fitted in and not today when I am shortly off to work. I wonder if it was all my recent-ish sugar eating escapades catching up with me. I so need to detox all this stuff out of my system. The comfort from eating something is so short lived but time and again I fall into that lack of restraint and the consequences are this.
Yesterday I should have been doing my overdue accounts. One wonders if the migraine also has something to do with it as an avoidance activity. Not good.
On the plus side, washing was done and I am going to complete by putting it away as soon as I hit done on this. I also managed to plough through piles of papers and it is amazing how much of a pile of rubbish the mail inserts and envelopes make. I may leave them in situ until after work as a gold star for what I have managed to do. Tirrah.
Yesterday I should have been doing my overdue accounts. One wonders if the migraine also has something to do with it as an avoidance activity. Not good.
On the plus side, washing was done and I am going to complete by putting it away as soon as I hit done on this. I also managed to plough through piles of papers and it is amazing how much of a pile of rubbish the mail inserts and envelopes make. I may leave them in situ until after work as a gold star for what I have managed to do. Tirrah.
Saturday, 31 March 2012
Joining the dots
The last few weeks have felt particularly sluggish. Nothing specific and yet almost right across the board except in one notable area: show me an empty chariot for someone else's cause or business and I am right on in there. Never mind that my own life and income is sad and wilting, that I am feeling tired and miserable and sorry for myself. If there is something that I can do to help and the cause is worth the effort then I am leaping aboard with little hesitation. It strikes me that I am good for other people and at times quite questionable to myself.
It is a facet of me and how I operate which I know I do not want to eliminate so I do not think I will ever really change on that score: I just like to help and be useful. Like a lot of us really.
These days I am not feeling too fond of the ideology of karma, that what you do unto others comes back to you. Simply because too many bad things keep happening to good people and this is not stacking up too well in my mind. Karma might be useful when thinking about some sort of cosmic law for the bad things people do but it seems less and less relevant when the argument is flipped.
Perhaps when I take up the reins of someone else's chariot I am escaping my own life - that is the usual sub-conscious reasoning. Or perhaps I am looking for some sort of magic wand that will make everything right for me if I help make things right for other people?
After these last weeks and months of treacle could it be that somehow I have managed a double backflip with a triple twist landing with a certain amount of aplomb? The wheels are in motion in my life once again and I am very hopeful. Hope and Faith should have been my middle names as these seem irrepressible despite layers of depression heaped upon at times. Instead of me having to battle away, a proposition has come knocking on my door and one which I very much welcome. It would combine me riding someone else's chariot with being able to ride my own. A neat little answer to a business conundrum. It all feels good, looks good and sounds good. I don't have to work by myself, and will have the structures of someone else's enterprise combined with bringing in my own speciality and being able to develop.
It is a shot of confidence. I can see myself receiving substantial cheque payments for excellent services rendered. A win-win situation. This weekend should see something developing as long as I keep clear headed and provide information needed for a targeted email. Next week may start bearing fruit, or maybe it will become apparent in due course.
As ever in my life, I am aware of another big change or development and the fanfares that surround it. I am aware that in the past things have changed quite drastically and what was, no longer is. Just like that. Perhaps it is like being in a clothes shop and trying on different outfits, liking something so much thinking this is "the" outfit, only to take it off and hang it back up again. Maybe that is all it is and maybe that is an OK approach to life and I have been just too serious about it all.
My life is exciting and interesting, but then whose isn't in their own ways? There are amazing people in my life and I have been blessed on that score. Also, somewhere in my life there must be an attic with my picture because here I am in my 50th year and for some reason I am looking better than I feel I have ever looked. Which is pretty darned useful since I am now working in the beauty industry. Sure I am aging and could do with some better skincare, but on the whole, I can still get by without makeup and usually do though am transformed with a lick of powder and brow colour and lippy.
It is coming up to a year since my mother died, not yet, but soon. This is a new landmark in my life. This week I went to the funeral of a child and the wails of his mother were piercing. Another friend's son who was lost is finally found. So naturally I think about my own son and my own shortness with him over various issues and how I should be grateful my son is neither dead nor lost. Then magically out of the blue something shifts. He communicates. And now, he has landed a job with which he is happy and is good for his confdence. He starts next Monday. Oh please let this work out for him too.
It is a facet of me and how I operate which I know I do not want to eliminate so I do not think I will ever really change on that score: I just like to help and be useful. Like a lot of us really.
These days I am not feeling too fond of the ideology of karma, that what you do unto others comes back to you. Simply because too many bad things keep happening to good people and this is not stacking up too well in my mind. Karma might be useful when thinking about some sort of cosmic law for the bad things people do but it seems less and less relevant when the argument is flipped.
Perhaps when I take up the reins of someone else's chariot I am escaping my own life - that is the usual sub-conscious reasoning. Or perhaps I am looking for some sort of magic wand that will make everything right for me if I help make things right for other people?
After these last weeks and months of treacle could it be that somehow I have managed a double backflip with a triple twist landing with a certain amount of aplomb? The wheels are in motion in my life once again and I am very hopeful. Hope and Faith should have been my middle names as these seem irrepressible despite layers of depression heaped upon at times. Instead of me having to battle away, a proposition has come knocking on my door and one which I very much welcome. It would combine me riding someone else's chariot with being able to ride my own. A neat little answer to a business conundrum. It all feels good, looks good and sounds good. I don't have to work by myself, and will have the structures of someone else's enterprise combined with bringing in my own speciality and being able to develop.
It is a shot of confidence. I can see myself receiving substantial cheque payments for excellent services rendered. A win-win situation. This weekend should see something developing as long as I keep clear headed and provide information needed for a targeted email. Next week may start bearing fruit, or maybe it will become apparent in due course.
As ever in my life, I am aware of another big change or development and the fanfares that surround it. I am aware that in the past things have changed quite drastically and what was, no longer is. Just like that. Perhaps it is like being in a clothes shop and trying on different outfits, liking something so much thinking this is "the" outfit, only to take it off and hang it back up again. Maybe that is all it is and maybe that is an OK approach to life and I have been just too serious about it all.
My life is exciting and interesting, but then whose isn't in their own ways? There are amazing people in my life and I have been blessed on that score. Also, somewhere in my life there must be an attic with my picture because here I am in my 50th year and for some reason I am looking better than I feel I have ever looked. Which is pretty darned useful since I am now working in the beauty industry. Sure I am aging and could do with some better skincare, but on the whole, I can still get by without makeup and usually do though am transformed with a lick of powder and brow colour and lippy.
It is coming up to a year since my mother died, not yet, but soon. This is a new landmark in my life. This week I went to the funeral of a child and the wails of his mother were piercing. Another friend's son who was lost is finally found. So naturally I think about my own son and my own shortness with him over various issues and how I should be grateful my son is neither dead nor lost. Then magically out of the blue something shifts. He communicates. And now, he has landed a job with which he is happy and is good for his confdence. He starts next Monday. Oh please let this work out for him too.
Monday, 20 December 2010
Awake
Something has switched in me and I am willingly up early. Wanting to crack on and get sorting of piles of stuff in between a busy work schedule this week. Will be good to see how much better the intentions pan out in reality. I am intent on being optimistic!
Tuesday, 14 October 2008
Message in a bottle
It is hard to feel any optimism, yet optimistic news might be on the horizon. It might all work out jolly well actually, but I don't feel like that and find it hard to summon up any enthusiasm. Just in case it falls through, and just because it might not happen I must try to hold tight.
Holding tight these days means hiding away. Curled up and hidden in my bed alternating between tears, blankness and tapping away at my Nintendo brain training "germ buster" game. Like a helpless vegetable on the chopping board knowing that once upon a time I grew vigourously and fought back. My fight seems to have gotten up and walked off leaving me shockingly bitter and sour on the inside and I don't like this person. Not one bit. But in a contradiction, I know this isn't really me and some very tiny, far off voice inside me is shouting help, let me out.
On the outside, very few people know all this, but increasingly my friends are finding out - because I am talking more - and they have been magnificent throwing me lifelines. This year has been extraordinary on the friends front so the one thing I don't feel is alone. But this is still my life and despite a wonderful husband and friends I have this path to tread, but my feet just don't seem to be working.
Chastising myself and trying to get things into perspective has only contributed to the darkness. I feel enough guilt without adding more to the mix. "For God's sake, pull yourself together" I tell myself to little physical effect.
In early August my mother was showing strong intentions to blog therefore I felt an obviously stronger need to withdraw mine from eyesight. The whole world might be blogging but life is stranger than fiction and coincidences happen and she might just come across mine and recognise this or that. As it happens, I don't think she has taken forward blogging after all!
In mid August depression gripped so tight that after a weekend of tears I resolved to do something. On the Monday I went out to job agencies and by the Thursday I had started a temp job as a medical secretary in the oncology department of the local hospital. So maybe I might have fibbed about the extent of my experience as an audio typist but that did tickle me that I could go out and get a job and push the boundaries a tad. The pay is little above the minimum UK wage, but it is a regular 25 hours of work/income each week. Even through my depressions I continued to work, letting my hair fall over my eyes on those days the tears would not stop. I am still there and the work itself is a blog by itself.
Since that time I have also been plotting my morning temperature and my depressions and anything else of note. I had thought my monthly cycle had become irregular but so far it seems not, though the frequency of my severe one day depressions have been alarming, but they have actually been better of late. No surprise to know that I am writing this through one at present.
Currently 14 year old son has measles which I have been helping to nurse him through. He is having a rough time especially now with the itchyness of the rash. I never knew measles could be so itchy but it is like his skin is crawling and alive. I have tried various alternative aids but today Mr Doris has bought some Piriton so we will see if that eases and whether a better night sleep can be had by all.
Outside the leaves are creating rich blankets and as I passed through them earlier today I thought about a year ago when I didn't expect we would still be living here for another Autumn. That makes over 18 months our house has been on the market and we have slashed the price down to give it away but still nowt. Over a year my son has lived weekdays at my sister to go to school near her and comes home for the weekends. What was originally a six week exercise has pushed us beyond anything. I am not being physically beaten like as a child and yet I am not sure I have ever felt quite so cowed. My chest has sunken in and my right shoulder has dropped putting stress on the wrong muscles leading to a frozen shoulder. I have been in a lot of pain and my movements have been restricted. I sit typing at work wincing at times with discomfort. But no-one there knows, and the bigger picture is that the income, no matter how small, has been regular and well needed. I could, and should, be doing bigger and better things but I am unable.
Something so heavy is sitting on me and holding me back for something. Or, in my dark hours I ponder that I am done with and my life and usefulness is over.
Actually, my arm is on the mend. As is my belief in myself. The wonders of kinsesiology and the support of lovely friends hold me through. We might be renting our house instead of selling. An option I once dismissed might now turn out to be a viable and excellent way forward. This could even mean us moving before Christmas, maybe even in as little as three weeks! Then we can be together as a family. Finally landed. Starting afresh. I can't quite believe it will happen and that scares me.
Thank you dear kind blog friends for reading my message in a bottle!
Holding tight these days means hiding away. Curled up and hidden in my bed alternating between tears, blankness and tapping away at my Nintendo brain training "germ buster" game. Like a helpless vegetable on the chopping board knowing that once upon a time I grew vigourously and fought back. My fight seems to have gotten up and walked off leaving me shockingly bitter and sour on the inside and I don't like this person. Not one bit. But in a contradiction, I know this isn't really me and some very tiny, far off voice inside me is shouting help, let me out.
On the outside, very few people know all this, but increasingly my friends are finding out - because I am talking more - and they have been magnificent throwing me lifelines. This year has been extraordinary on the friends front so the one thing I don't feel is alone. But this is still my life and despite a wonderful husband and friends I have this path to tread, but my feet just don't seem to be working.
Chastising myself and trying to get things into perspective has only contributed to the darkness. I feel enough guilt without adding more to the mix. "For God's sake, pull yourself together" I tell myself to little physical effect.
In early August my mother was showing strong intentions to blog therefore I felt an obviously stronger need to withdraw mine from eyesight. The whole world might be blogging but life is stranger than fiction and coincidences happen and she might just come across mine and recognise this or that. As it happens, I don't think she has taken forward blogging after all!
In mid August depression gripped so tight that after a weekend of tears I resolved to do something. On the Monday I went out to job agencies and by the Thursday I had started a temp job as a medical secretary in the oncology department of the local hospital. So maybe I might have fibbed about the extent of my experience as an audio typist but that did tickle me that I could go out and get a job and push the boundaries a tad. The pay is little above the minimum UK wage, but it is a regular 25 hours of work/income each week. Even through my depressions I continued to work, letting my hair fall over my eyes on those days the tears would not stop. I am still there and the work itself is a blog by itself.
Since that time I have also been plotting my morning temperature and my depressions and anything else of note. I had thought my monthly cycle had become irregular but so far it seems not, though the frequency of my severe one day depressions have been alarming, but they have actually been better of late. No surprise to know that I am writing this through one at present.
Currently 14 year old son has measles which I have been helping to nurse him through. He is having a rough time especially now with the itchyness of the rash. I never knew measles could be so itchy but it is like his skin is crawling and alive. I have tried various alternative aids but today Mr Doris has bought some Piriton so we will see if that eases and whether a better night sleep can be had by all.
Outside the leaves are creating rich blankets and as I passed through them earlier today I thought about a year ago when I didn't expect we would still be living here for another Autumn. That makes over 18 months our house has been on the market and we have slashed the price down to give it away but still nowt. Over a year my son has lived weekdays at my sister to go to school near her and comes home for the weekends. What was originally a six week exercise has pushed us beyond anything. I am not being physically beaten like as a child and yet I am not sure I have ever felt quite so cowed. My chest has sunken in and my right shoulder has dropped putting stress on the wrong muscles leading to a frozen shoulder. I have been in a lot of pain and my movements have been restricted. I sit typing at work wincing at times with discomfort. But no-one there knows, and the bigger picture is that the income, no matter how small, has been regular and well needed. I could, and should, be doing bigger and better things but I am unable.
Something so heavy is sitting on me and holding me back for something. Or, in my dark hours I ponder that I am done with and my life and usefulness is over.
Actually, my arm is on the mend. As is my belief in myself. The wonders of kinsesiology and the support of lovely friends hold me through. We might be renting our house instead of selling. An option I once dismissed might now turn out to be a viable and excellent way forward. This could even mean us moving before Christmas, maybe even in as little as three weeks! Then we can be together as a family. Finally landed. Starting afresh. I can't quite believe it will happen and that scares me.
Thank you dear kind blog friends for reading my message in a bottle!
Thursday, 31 July 2008
Anger, not fear
A book has come my way from "The Adult Children of Alcoholics Series". Entitled "The Self-Sabotage Syndrome: Adult Children in the Workplace". My parents are not apparently alcoholics, though at times they have not behaved well with alcohol but ACoCs is a term that can be used for anyone who has grown up in a dysfunctional family.
As an aside, I wonder how many people it takes for a family to become dysfunctional? Is just one mad parent enough and then everyone else runs around them? Or are we all within the family dysfunctional in our own sweet ways?
The term "adult children" speaks to me. Just by itself. And then the book begins with ascertaining that because of their upbringing ACoCs have no sense of what is "normal" saying "Adult Children of Alcoholics Guess at What Normal Is". Oh yes, that so resonates. That feeling of being always out on a limb and never being sure, of always feeling that I was making things up, of making up my own definitions to anything and everything. Which means that at any moment everything can come crashing down. Because I just made it up. Because I'm a fraud and I'm going to be caught out.
There is an aspect about ACoCs that I've read so far that I don't identify with and that is concerning my relationships and friendships. In fact just this month I have been realising that my friendships are one area of my life in which I am blessed and function really well. I'd don't feel all the pain and angst that I feel in other areas of my life and I wonder why that it is. Why, when my parents have not set any good examples of friendships in my childhood or since.
Laying in bed this morning thinking about this, with my constant self-analysis: stepping stones that tangle across my mind sometimes leaving me marooned in scary waters with no clear way across; I had a eureka moment. As a child we moved house and location about every two years. I never had good friendships as a kid so the moving actually became quite useful. I may not have had to face up to difficult situations in the long term, on the other hand I had plenty of experience of starting again. I actually welcomed the chance to start again and each time we moved, and being a kid, relationships were my priority. And I had plenty of chances to experiment. They were never right and I took a lot of hard knocks. I learned not to expect anything from anyone which was probably mainly due to my relationship with my parents, but reinforced by childhood relationships. I'm not sure what good things I learned from those times but I think I had the chance to find out what didn't work.
Since the age of seven I had the companionship and love of my little sister. This can not be under-estimated. I "had" to love her and protect her from the madness that was my mother. I became a mini-parent but more than that I was able to love her and she let me. Physical affection came from her, even if it was me holding her hand. When it came to me choosing between life or something else at 16 I had to walk away and leave her. Without saying a word. That was incredibly painful but she was already on her own destiny pathway and I knew she would make it. And she did. And we are very close now, but I think I still don't know the half of what she went through which makes me feel a little sad and selfish.
So when I left home at sixteen for the world of work I became the perfect ACoC employee and was easily exploited. But I was wide-eyed and enthralled by adult people. I loved meeting people and listening to them. I still am that wide-eyed girl and embrace people and situations in that way. I suppose luck comes into play that some beautiful people came into my life at different times throughout my life. I have had some friends come and go and I am still able to move on from places and leave people behind which does sound rather harsh and cold-hearted. But a core of people remain very special. A growing core even.
Boundaries in my friendships might have been a problem but I sorted that one pretty early by, on the one hand being able to love and be truly interested in other people and on the other to keep a tight reign on myself and not actually truly say too much about me. It wasn't until I was 31 years old that I told one of my girlfriends about some of my more difficult memories and then years go by and I only let out little tiny snippets. And then with my darling Mr Doris, one of my dearest friends, early on in our relationship I gave him something to read that I had written about me. Because I wanted him to know about the deep and dark depths I have. I didn't want to con him or for him to be shocked by someone different one day "when I might leak out". And then into my life comes someone who I had known of for years but suddenly we click and become immense friends and I find myself sharing depths. And then I get to my blogging years and I am haemorraghing all over the blog but in a way that has been constructive to me and now another friend is drawing depths out of me too that I didn't know I could share and I find I am changing.
Always a work in progress, for the first time in a very long time I feel like I am making progress. And this brings me to my anger. With the current financial situation in this world, life has dealt some interesting cards. Such that it seems likely when we sell our house, it won't be at a loss but there will not be much in the way of a profit. We will go into private rented and will start again with a clean slate. No debts. Just going forward and reconstruct. And in my self-analysis this morning I realised I am not scared of starting again. Picking myself and starting again is second nature to me. What I recognise is that I am so flaming angry about having to start again. My anger is such that it seethes underneath and leaks out in all the wrong places at the wrong times to the wrong people. Usually my kids but mainly directed back at me and internalised. I can feel it like a pit of badness inside me that I know has to stop or I'll be thoroughly ill.
Part of the ACoA thing is anger and anger issues. They flip out at the wrong time and inappropriately. I said that already but this is what the book says. I've never been allowed to be angry. Never known how to process anger properly. It always had to be subsumed and hidden because only my mother (or brother) could be angry. For a few months I have been aware of my feelings of anger. Like arrows flying off in all sorts of different directions and yet always avoiding the target but I don't know what the target is or should be. I don't want to be feeling this as I am not an angry and aggressive person but I suppose that is where the problem lays. I can not just feel anger and move on from it because I have seen anger as something to do with aggressiveness and as a whole character trait when that should not be the case. This area is a work in progress. And another diversion from what is probably needed - another ACoA trait. Apparently ACoAs have procrastination down to a fine art.
As an aside, I wonder how many people it takes for a family to become dysfunctional? Is just one mad parent enough and then everyone else runs around them? Or are we all within the family dysfunctional in our own sweet ways?
The term "adult children" speaks to me. Just by itself. And then the book begins with ascertaining that because of their upbringing ACoCs have no sense of what is "normal" saying "Adult Children of Alcoholics Guess at What Normal Is". Oh yes, that so resonates. That feeling of being always out on a limb and never being sure, of always feeling that I was making things up, of making up my own definitions to anything and everything. Which means that at any moment everything can come crashing down. Because I just made it up. Because I'm a fraud and I'm going to be caught out.
There is an aspect about ACoCs that I've read so far that I don't identify with and that is concerning my relationships and friendships. In fact just this month I have been realising that my friendships are one area of my life in which I am blessed and function really well. I'd don't feel all the pain and angst that I feel in other areas of my life and I wonder why that it is. Why, when my parents have not set any good examples of friendships in my childhood or since.
Laying in bed this morning thinking about this, with my constant self-analysis: stepping stones that tangle across my mind sometimes leaving me marooned in scary waters with no clear way across; I had a eureka moment. As a child we moved house and location about every two years. I never had good friendships as a kid so the moving actually became quite useful. I may not have had to face up to difficult situations in the long term, on the other hand I had plenty of experience of starting again. I actually welcomed the chance to start again and each time we moved, and being a kid, relationships were my priority. And I had plenty of chances to experiment. They were never right and I took a lot of hard knocks. I learned not to expect anything from anyone which was probably mainly due to my relationship with my parents, but reinforced by childhood relationships. I'm not sure what good things I learned from those times but I think I had the chance to find out what didn't work.
Since the age of seven I had the companionship and love of my little sister. This can not be under-estimated. I "had" to love her and protect her from the madness that was my mother. I became a mini-parent but more than that I was able to love her and she let me. Physical affection came from her, even if it was me holding her hand. When it came to me choosing between life or something else at 16 I had to walk away and leave her. Without saying a word. That was incredibly painful but she was already on her own destiny pathway and I knew she would make it. And she did. And we are very close now, but I think I still don't know the half of what she went through which makes me feel a little sad and selfish.
So when I left home at sixteen for the world of work I became the perfect ACoC employee and was easily exploited. But I was wide-eyed and enthralled by adult people. I loved meeting people and listening to them. I still am that wide-eyed girl and embrace people and situations in that way. I suppose luck comes into play that some beautiful people came into my life at different times throughout my life. I have had some friends come and go and I am still able to move on from places and leave people behind which does sound rather harsh and cold-hearted. But a core of people remain very special. A growing core even.
Boundaries in my friendships might have been a problem but I sorted that one pretty early by, on the one hand being able to love and be truly interested in other people and on the other to keep a tight reign on myself and not actually truly say too much about me. It wasn't until I was 31 years old that I told one of my girlfriends about some of my more difficult memories and then years go by and I only let out little tiny snippets. And then with my darling Mr Doris, one of my dearest friends, early on in our relationship I gave him something to read that I had written about me. Because I wanted him to know about the deep and dark depths I have. I didn't want to con him or for him to be shocked by someone different one day "when I might leak out". And then into my life comes someone who I had known of for years but suddenly we click and become immense friends and I find myself sharing depths. And then I get to my blogging years and I am haemorraghing all over the blog but in a way that has been constructive to me and now another friend is drawing depths out of me too that I didn't know I could share and I find I am changing.
Always a work in progress, for the first time in a very long time I feel like I am making progress. And this brings me to my anger. With the current financial situation in this world, life has dealt some interesting cards. Such that it seems likely when we sell our house, it won't be at a loss but there will not be much in the way of a profit. We will go into private rented and will start again with a clean slate. No debts. Just going forward and reconstruct. And in my self-analysis this morning I realised I am not scared of starting again. Picking myself and starting again is second nature to me. What I recognise is that I am so flaming angry about having to start again. My anger is such that it seethes underneath and leaks out in all the wrong places at the wrong times to the wrong people. Usually my kids but mainly directed back at me and internalised. I can feel it like a pit of badness inside me that I know has to stop or I'll be thoroughly ill.
Part of the ACoA thing is anger and anger issues. They flip out at the wrong time and inappropriately. I said that already but this is what the book says. I've never been allowed to be angry. Never known how to process anger properly. It always had to be subsumed and hidden because only my mother (or brother) could be angry. For a few months I have been aware of my feelings of anger. Like arrows flying off in all sorts of different directions and yet always avoiding the target but I don't know what the target is or should be. I don't want to be feeling this as I am not an angry and aggressive person but I suppose that is where the problem lays. I can not just feel anger and move on from it because I have seen anger as something to do with aggressiveness and as a whole character trait when that should not be the case. This area is a work in progress. And another diversion from what is probably needed - another ACoA trait. Apparently ACoAs have procrastination down to a fine art.
Sunday, 11 May 2008
Been busy
As I scan through my mini-list of things I needed to do in the last few days I have ticked off quite a few items that have been waaaay overdue. There are a few more things to do on that list but for some reason I am here blogging instead. Malingering and avoidance.
Not good.
On the other hand, I have eight items ticked off. Eight whole items. Worth a brownie point or two in the scheme of things rather than kicking myself for what I haven't yet done. If I was to think of it, I know there are other things that didn't make it to that list ..... from the dark and dusty recesses of my conscious always waiting in the background to attack and reprimand me. So maybe I'll do another list in a few days and see what gets added to that, and tick off a few more items.
That is good.
In the last week there were moments when I stood on the edge of a great precipice and decided not to fall into its grasp. That I wasn't going to be swallowed up in wallowing self-pitying mud that sticks inside the crevices and needs to be scrubbed out. Side-stepping the depths I wrote my list and got on. But someone was laughing at me this week because a visual migraine was slapped upon me and wiped out one whole day and left the next marred. It is now a glorious Sunday morning: the windows have been thrown open; the plants watered before delighting in my frothy coffee and warm croissants made by an adoring hubby; the music is playing loud through the slimline speakers and I am about to tackle another item or two on my list.
Oh glorious day, I can do anything.
Not good.
On the other hand, I have eight items ticked off. Eight whole items. Worth a brownie point or two in the scheme of things rather than kicking myself for what I haven't yet done. If I was to think of it, I know there are other things that didn't make it to that list ..... from the dark and dusty recesses of my conscious always waiting in the background to attack and reprimand me. So maybe I'll do another list in a few days and see what gets added to that, and tick off a few more items.
That is good.
In the last week there were moments when I stood on the edge of a great precipice and decided not to fall into its grasp. That I wasn't going to be swallowed up in wallowing self-pitying mud that sticks inside the crevices and needs to be scrubbed out. Side-stepping the depths I wrote my list and got on. But someone was laughing at me this week because a visual migraine was slapped upon me and wiped out one whole day and left the next marred. It is now a glorious Sunday morning: the windows have been thrown open; the plants watered before delighting in my frothy coffee and warm croissants made by an adoring hubby; the music is playing loud through the slimline speakers and I am about to tackle another item or two on my list.
Oh glorious day, I can do anything.
Tuesday, 18 October 2005
Three Things
I've been tagged by Cheryl!
Three names I go by:
1. Doris
2. Granny
3. Outside of blogging my name has never been shortened. Used wrongly maybe, but I've never had a cute shortened version, or a nickname, affectionately given to me. I feel deprived!
Three screen names I have had:
1. I'm not getting off to a good start here....
2. ... do you know that some people do web searches....
3. ... on screen names and come up with some interesting stuff!
Three physical things I like about myself:
1. my 2 caesarian scars as they are neat and tiny but say so much
2. the scar on my foot (another talking point and the story always makes people whince in a very satisfying way for me!)
3. left ventricle valve
Three physical things I don't like about myself:
1. Not tall enough
2. tummy - might be small but I've always had a tum
3. Slight double chin but son calls it puppy fat LOL
Three parts of my heritage:
1. English
2. Scottish
3. English
Three things that scare me:
1. shouting
2. spiders - but I cope
3. dogs - but I cope
Three of my everyday essentials:
1. Mr Doris
2. toothbrush
3. love
Three of my favorite musical artists:
1. The Seekers
2. Blondie
3. Queen
Three of my favorite songs:
1. Georgy Girl - The Seekers
2. Sunday Girl - Blondie
3. Don't stop me now - Queen
Three things I want in a relationship:
1. Love
2. Honesty
3. Enthusiasm
Three LIES:
1. I am a highly respected intellectual with answers to the world's problems
2. I am a sex kitten who wears only pearls
3. I am a liar
Three TRUTHS:
1. I try
2. I procrastinate
3. Sometimes I do well
Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeal to me:
1. upper arm (doesn't have to be muscley - it is just erogenous!)
2. cheeks
3. bottom
Three of my favorite hobbies:
1. blogging
2. cooking (yeah - it's a hobby and not a chore!)
3. driving a car
Three things I want to do really badly now:
1. read my bank statements that have lots of zeros in my favour
2. have a cup of tea
3. see how else I can squander my three wishes
Three careers I've considered:
1. Nursery Nurse (done it)
2. Educational Psychologist (started higher education for it)
3. Cook on a building site (done it)
Three places I want to go on vacation:
1. Japan
2. Australia
3. Siberia
Three kid's names I like:
1. Zoe (with an umlaut)
2. Samuel
3. Beatrice
Three things I want to do before I die:
1. Why limit myself to three...
2. ... three more things...
3. ... or three new things? Drats, I've squandered another three things!
Three ways that I am stereotypically a boy:
1. impassive and unemotional
2. lack of femininity
3. facial hair ... OK, maybe not... I have one chin hair
Three ways that I am stereotypically a girl:
1. caring and very emotional
2. boobs
3. hips
Three celebrity crushes:
1. Karl Malden (I jest ye not!)
2. Marily Monroe
3. Mae West
Three people that I would like to see post this meme:
1. Jo
2. Hell on Heels
3. MattyD
And anyone else, I dub thee as chosen :-)
Original Comments:
Three names I go by:
1. Doris
2. Granny
3. Outside of blogging my name has never been shortened. Used wrongly maybe, but I've never had a cute shortened version, or a nickname, affectionately given to me. I feel deprived!
Three screen names I have had:
1. I'm not getting off to a good start here....
2. ... do you know that some people do web searches....
3. ... on screen names and come up with some interesting stuff!
Three physical things I like about myself:
1. my 2 caesarian scars as they are neat and tiny but say so much
2. the scar on my foot (another talking point and the story always makes people whince in a very satisfying way for me!)
3. left ventricle valve
Three physical things I don't like about myself:
1. Not tall enough
2. tummy - might be small but I've always had a tum
3. Slight double chin but son calls it puppy fat LOL
Three parts of my heritage:
1. English
2. Scottish
3. English
Three things that scare me:
1. shouting
2. spiders - but I cope
3. dogs - but I cope
Three of my everyday essentials:
1. Mr Doris
2. toothbrush
3. love
Three of my favorite musical artists:
1. The Seekers
2. Blondie
3. Queen
Three of my favorite songs:
1. Georgy Girl - The Seekers
2. Sunday Girl - Blondie
3. Don't stop me now - Queen
Three things I want in a relationship:
1. Love
2. Honesty
3. Enthusiasm
Three LIES:
1. I am a highly respected intellectual with answers to the world's problems
2. I am a sex kitten who wears only pearls
3. I am a liar
Three TRUTHS:
1. I try
2. I procrastinate
3. Sometimes I do well
Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeal to me:
1. upper arm (doesn't have to be muscley - it is just erogenous!)
2. cheeks
3. bottom
Three of my favorite hobbies:
1. blogging
2. cooking (yeah - it's a hobby and not a chore!)
3. driving a car
Three things I want to do really badly now:
1. read my bank statements that have lots of zeros in my favour
2. have a cup of tea
3. see how else I can squander my three wishes
Three careers I've considered:
1. Nursery Nurse (done it)
2. Educational Psychologist (started higher education for it)
3. Cook on a building site (done it)
Three places I want to go on vacation:
1. Japan
2. Australia
3. Siberia
Three kid's names I like:
1. Zoe (with an umlaut)
2. Samuel
3. Beatrice
Three things I want to do before I die:
1. Why limit myself to three...
2. ... three more things...
3. ... or three new things? Drats, I've squandered another three things!
Three ways that I am stereotypically a boy:
1. impassive and unemotional
2. lack of femininity
3. facial hair ... OK, maybe not... I have one chin hair
Three ways that I am stereotypically a girl:
1. caring and very emotional
2. boobs
3. hips
Three celebrity crushes:
1. Karl Malden (I jest ye not!)
2. Marily Monroe
3. Mae West
Three people that I would like to see post this meme:
1. Jo
2. Hell on Heels
3. MattyD
And anyone else, I dub thee as chosen :-)
Original Comments:
Wednesday, 14 September 2005
Real Food
I feel yuck and for a long time I've wanted to improve my diet and eat a lot more fresh vegetables, more organic and generally real food. The kids have rebelled for so long now against certain vegetables that gradually we have been reduced down to 
almost nothing!
The tide is to change as I have vowed to Mr Doris that I am going to take charge of the shopping and to take more care of the catering. Bless him for he is such a sweetie and does so much but I have become a lazy so-and-so, just gotten used to sitting back while he did everything. Well, my laziness has to stop and our diet has to improve. The kids have no idea except that I sat my daughter down the other day and explained to her it was nothing personal but I was going to start cooking more vegetables and if she chose to pick them over then so be it but it would be better if she learned to eat them. By the way, she has been a vegetarian for periods of time and is the only vegetarian I know who wouldn't eat vegetables!
Just to confess all, our weekly diet consists of: a ready made pasta and sauce dish one evening; a frozen ready meal another evening; a ready made pizza another evening.... and already we are getting a picture here. The other evenings would vary: home-made bolognese with wholewheat pasta; pesto pasta (wholewheat); home-made chicken fajitas (organic chicken and fresh peppers); home-made dish of prawns and rice; etc. It is not all bad but it just isn't good enough.
www.slowfood.com has a lifestyle I hanker after which involves taking care and delight in our food because it feeds much more than our bellies. For some time now I have been saying how I want to source organic meats and produce locally but I just haven't done it. Recently in town I came across a Slow Food deli which opened my eyes and gave me lots of tasters of fabulous local cheeses.
If it costs a little more in the end then so be it but what wonderful fuel we will be putting in our bodies. But I wonder with better management if it will really cost more? Sure it will take me away from the computer but far better that I am doing wonderful stuff in the kitchen or down local farms than sitting here always at my computer flaffing around. I'm hoping I might end up more focused. Best of all I'm doing it for me and Mr Doris because I know that we will both appreciate it. The kids will just have to come round to it all. Fingers crossed.
Original Comments:
almost nothing!The tide is to change as I have vowed to Mr Doris that I am going to take charge of the shopping and to take more care of the catering. Bless him for he is such a sweetie and does so much but I have become a lazy so-and-so, just gotten used to sitting back while he did everything. Well, my laziness has to stop and our diet has to improve. The kids have no idea except that I sat my daughter down the other day and explained to her it was nothing personal but I was going to start cooking more vegetables and if she chose to pick them over then so be it but it would be better if she learned to eat them. By the way, she has been a vegetarian for periods of time and is the only vegetarian I know who wouldn't eat vegetables!
Just to confess all, our weekly diet consists of: a ready made pasta and sauce dish one evening; a frozen ready meal another evening; a ready made pizza another evening.... and already we are getting a picture here. The other evenings would vary: home-made bolognese with wholewheat pasta; pesto pasta (wholewheat); home-made chicken fajitas (organic chicken and fresh peppers); home-made dish of prawns and rice; etc. It is not all bad but it just isn't good enough.
www.slowfood.com has a lifestyle I hanker after which involves taking care and delight in our food because it feeds much more than our bellies. For some time now I have been saying how I want to source organic meats and produce locally but I just haven't done it. Recently in town I came across a Slow Food deli which opened my eyes and gave me lots of tasters of fabulous local cheeses.
If it costs a little more in the end then so be it but what wonderful fuel we will be putting in our bodies. But I wonder with better management if it will really cost more? Sure it will take me away from the computer but far better that I am doing wonderful stuff in the kitchen or down local farms than sitting here always at my computer flaffing around. I'm hoping I might end up more focused. Best of all I'm doing it for me and Mr Doris because I know that we will both appreciate it. The kids will just have to come round to it all. Fingers crossed.
Original Comments:
- Karen said...
- Good for you Doris - I try to eat lots of fresh veges - being vegetarian mean i have to take extra care over what i eat - You really will feel better for it.
- Pookie65 said...
- I am laughing so hard about your vegetarian daughter who doesn't eat veggies. I try and buy 100% organic whenever possible and have cut way back on the red meat. It's hard finding good organic products in the normal markets here but I hit the farmers markets whenever possible.
So will you be posting recipes? I hope so and will be happy to share if you do.
Huggers for the funny comment/reply to my morning babble :-)
- Ally said...
- We invested twelve quid in a cheap and cheerful jug blender last week and have been having smoothies - someone did lend me a juicer, but it seemed madness to extract the juice and throw away the fibre.
It's really upped our fruit and veg intake and I do feel a lot better for it - I don't get that 'must have some chocolate or a biscuit' feeling in mid-afternoon for a start, and my sugar-in-tea needs have dropped right off. Good luck!
- Milt Bogs said...
- Why give up so easily on what you love Doris. Spam pizza, spam bolognese,spam fajitas, home-made dish of spam and rice; spam and local cheeses salad etc. :p
- Anonymous said...
- Good for you making such a healthy choice - good luck with the kids :)
Especially the non-vegetable eating vegetarian ;)
- Anonymous said...
- Oh that comment was me by the way :)
- Suzi said...
- The kid will eat when they get hungry enough. I only WISH I had believed that when mine were smaller!
Good luck with the delicious new plan.
- jane said...
- what ends up costing you more is the inner aisles in the markets. the outer aisles, mainly the healthier foods, cost less.
with your busy lifestyle you probably cant do this, but i plan our meals for 2 weeks. i've got a system that works for me & certain cooking magazines i subscribe to. now, i have enough i don't need to add anymore. but it saves us so much money because i always have lists & we always have a meal plan.
you're doing all 4 of you a great service by eating healthier. i wish you all excellent health & great meals!
- Universal Soldier said...
- Good luck with it. I actually find the cooking side of things quite relaxing - especially when helped on with a Floyd sized glass of wine;)
- Cheryl said...
- I am looking at your normal diet - much what my husband would like, except he has a tendency to get chips (fries) into the mix at least once a week.
I can't do it, without fruit/veg in my diet I start to feel to yukky - your diet list makes me feel sluggish and under the weather just looking at it.
Maybe start with a multivitamin? Feeling better makes people more enthusiastic.
- Anji said...
- Good luck. I have to test my blood sugar levels every morning so I can say to them all, you see how they are affected by what we eat! Olivier (14) has started to make an effort. seriously though, more fruit and vegs make a big difference
- Z said...
- Have you room to start your own veggie garden? We grow our own veggies and that way we know exactly what we're getting. We produce enought o lat us all year round with help of freezer - this year we grew courgettes, carrots, cabbage, turnips, parsnips, corn, lettuce, tomatoes, peppers, chillis, swede, radishes - oh the list is endless.
You get outdoors more - very healthy and much tastier and lots of satisfaction. You can't get any more local than your back garden.
- Z said...
- Have you room to start your own veggie garden? We grow our own veggies and that way we know exactly what we're getting. We produce enought to last us all year round with help of freezer - this year we grew courgettes, carrots, cabbage, turnips, parsnips, corn, lettuce, tomatoes, peppers, chillis, swede, radishes - oh the list is endless.
You get outdoors more - very healthy and much tastier and lots of satisfaction. You can't get any more local than your back garden.
- yclepta said...
- Doris
I looked into slow food a couple of years ago - it's part of a whole movement about living more slowly - what a good idea.
When I was off work sick a few weeks back I cooked stuff I'd NEVER made before - scones, soup etc
It was great - I vowed to keep it up but I haven't - so good wishes to you I'm sure it'll be worth it - the salad sounded fab!
Monday, 8 August 2005
5 Qs 4 Me!
Tim at Soup du Jour of the Day has served me up a helping of my own medicine.... and how yummy it is!
1. What is a typical day in the life of Doris like?
Very long but easy going. Being self-employed, on the whole I can choose to work when I want and am generally desk-based in our home office. In and out of the day I will do small chores; or be out and about helping someone who is needing a lot of support at the moment; maybe spend a little time with either of the kids - we are actually home-educating; and then I do some work! Day starts about 8.30am-ish and ends about midnight-ish. The world of blogging has dominated a bit over the last couple of months which has interfered a little with work.
2. What food or dish do you love, but never fix because no one else in your household will eat it?
Easy! Fresh vegetables in quantity. I would like to eat a lot more but it never seems the right time to cook them. The kids both turn their noses up to varying degrees and then the veggies just go off because they are not eaten soon enough. It is disheartening.
3. If you walk outside your front door and around the neighborhood, what sight, sounds, and smells do you experience?
The sight is of classic Victorian terraces. A certain amount of English elegance combined with the history. We have a park right behind and to the side of us so there are many trees. The sound depends on the time of day. For ten minutes every morning you hear the kids laughing and chatting as they run by us to school, then silence, and then the mums returning all a-chatting. Sundays you hear almost nothing but bird song in the morning. Later on in the day you hear the wonderful sounds of so many people playing in the park. It is a very well-used park and rather cosmopolitan. And then the smells! Living in a predominantly Asian area we have the wonderful but just gentle smell of curries in the morning when they are cooked, and then the smell of green trees and fresh cut grass from the park.
4. If you could spend a week in the U.S. where would you like to visit?
We spent three weeks in the US a couple of years ago and I'd do that all over again! But if it was just a week I'd do a boat trip along the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon. Last time we did a road trip from Las Vegas to the Grand Canyon, up to Utah, and then visited Boston and New York. Do you have any idea how amazingly stunning your country is?
5. Do you have a character flaw that you would wish to fix?
A few actually. I procrastinate; I say "yes" too much; and I have low self-image. I'm working on them...
Thanks Tim, that was great :-)
For the rules of this game, see this post of mine 5 Qs 4 U
Original Comments:
1. What is a typical day in the life of Doris like?
Very long but easy going. Being self-employed, on the whole I can choose to work when I want and am generally desk-based in our home office. In and out of the day I will do small chores; or be out and about helping someone who is needing a lot of support at the moment; maybe spend a little time with either of the kids - we are actually home-educating; and then I do some work! Day starts about 8.30am-ish and ends about midnight-ish. The world of blogging has dominated a bit over the last couple of months which has interfered a little with work.
2. What food or dish do you love, but never fix because no one else in your household will eat it?
Easy! Fresh vegetables in quantity. I would like to eat a lot more but it never seems the right time to cook them. The kids both turn their noses up to varying degrees and then the veggies just go off because they are not eaten soon enough. It is disheartening.
3. If you walk outside your front door and around the neighborhood, what sight, sounds, and smells do you experience?
The sight is of classic Victorian terraces. A certain amount of English elegance combined with the history. We have a park right behind and to the side of us so there are many trees. The sound depends on the time of day. For ten minutes every morning you hear the kids laughing and chatting as they run by us to school, then silence, and then the mums returning all a-chatting. Sundays you hear almost nothing but bird song in the morning. Later on in the day you hear the wonderful sounds of so many people playing in the park. It is a very well-used park and rather cosmopolitan. And then the smells! Living in a predominantly Asian area we have the wonderful but just gentle smell of curries in the morning when they are cooked, and then the smell of green trees and fresh cut grass from the park.
4. If you could spend a week in the U.S. where would you like to visit?
We spent three weeks in the US a couple of years ago and I'd do that all over again! But if it was just a week I'd do a boat trip along the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon. Last time we did a road trip from Las Vegas to the Grand Canyon, up to Utah, and then visited Boston and New York. Do you have any idea how amazingly stunning your country is?
5. Do you have a character flaw that you would wish to fix?
A few actually. I procrastinate; I say "yes" too much; and I have low self-image. I'm working on them...
Thanks Tim, that was great :-)
For the rules of this game, see this post of mine 5 Qs 4 U
Original Comments:
- Bernadette said...
- Here's to home-educating, fresh veggies, Victorian terraces, mums a-chatting, curries cooking, and vacations! Yes to Doris anytime!
- Mama Mouse said...
- Cheers to England! It sounds marvelous Doris ... oh I SOOOO wish I could be there to see, hear and smell your park!
Its nice to know a bit more about you now!
- jane said...
- as i was reading your description, i felt as though i was walking through your neighborhood. it sounds so homey.
- Le laquet said...
- Your neighbourhood sounds just like the area where I teach - on cold Thursday mornings (playground duty) in November/December the smell of daal and roti cooking always makes me snuggle into my duffle coat as my belly rumbles - delicious! I now would love to go on said boat trip and would love to see the rock formations in Utah - great answers!!
- Anne said...
- A couple of years ago, I took a train from Pennsylvania to California then took a bus back. Even I never knew how beautiful this country is until then.
When I was 12, I was lucky enough to spend a week in the UK. It's beautiful, too, and I hope to go back someday and see more of it.
- Cheryl said...
- Great questions, lovely answers.
I so miss an asian community - fresh ginger, fresh okra, caashews and pistachios by the kilo - hic sob you've made me homesick.
Want a visitor?
- anniebee said...
- It sounds like a pretty busy life! Home educating must be quite a job. I like fresh veggies, they just don't like me much! Good questions - and answers.
P.S. Anthony or Eugene to win. Makosi out first.
- doris said...
- Oh no! It has to be either Craig or Kinga out first! Apparently Eugene is now the bookies favourite to win. Or I wan't Makosi to win :-)
- tim said...
- Thank you for answering my questions. I wonder if my vision of your neighborhood is reality.
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Love your songs, too.
Sorry I cheated and put emotional qualities for men instead of physical ones, but my libido is in the deep freeze this week. In a straightjacket.
Nice answers Doris!
Cheryl Have you tried Surf Tropical for your libido and then a light tumble dry?
Everyone says that the joy of driving will fade with time but I keep telling them for me it won't because I've always had this thing for driving so was glad to see driving a car as one of your favourite hobbies! It's one of mine too now I have passed :-)
Pass it on Mr. Doris.
My father called my mother "D" for Dearest.
Tried to come up with answers as good as yours, not sure I succeeded tho. Actually some of these questions are kinda hard for a guy who likes to think of himself as a girl...or maybe I'm a a girl locked inside a...or a soul drifting across genders like a little floaty cross gendery thing...er...
May I take Three Things to craziequeen's palace?
cq
cq