Friday, 22 February 2013

Migraine - urgh!

Yesterday was a full blown throw it up migraine. I haven't had one of those in months, possibly a couple of years. Thank goodness it was yesterday and could be fitted in and not today when I am shortly off to work. I wonder if it was all my recent-ish sugar eating escapades catching up with me. I so need to detox all this stuff out of my system. The comfort from eating something is so short lived but time and again I fall into that lack of restraint and the consequences are this.

Yesterday I should have been doing my overdue accounts. One wonders if the migraine also has something to do with it as an avoidance activity. Not good.

On the plus side, washing was done and I am going to complete by putting it away as soon as I hit done on this. I also managed to plough through piles of papers and it is amazing how much of a pile of rubbish the mail inserts and envelopes make. I may leave them in situ until after work as a gold star for what I have managed to do. Tirrah.

Monday, 18 February 2013

The memory of trees

There was another tune I was looking for and this came up. Not what I was looking for but the sound and the picture with it is just perfect to illustrate my thoughts. Just hit play and once any adverts have passed let it play while you read on :

This weekend, like every weekend since the beginning of this year (except last weekend when we visited the in-laws) has been with a friend who, at only a bare decade older than me, is on the last weeks of life. It is sad and poignant. This weekend has been the hardest. There are more weekends to come. Other weekends have been delightful, fun even. We are lucky to have had these times together. Why does it take dying to make one pull one's finger out and just do. To make the time and effort. Will the lessons I am learning stay? I think so. I am inspired yet I am sorry this is happening. Much better that my friend could live on and to see more of this life but who is to say what and how long we have. What is the point and why? Live right now, this is where we are. Enjoy and make the most of it all.

The back of my friend's house has a simple and unfussy conservatory with large windows overlooking fields and a river that that is long and strong and winds through English countryside. The air is still and quiet; birds paint the skies with their flights; a farm and trees in the distance stand as their testament to time; the swollen river insists on the direction of flow sweeping swans along; and we sit there in quietness. Sometimes holding hands. Looking out, looking in. Remembering. Living the moment. There is no past and there is no future. Here and now.

There are the practicalities of coping with losing ones mobility. This weekend I alone sit in the conservatory. Looking out. I dread the time of being in this place when the physical presence of another is no longer there. This weekend hit me more than any other.

The mists were slung low over the fields and river this morning until the Winter sun burned them off.

I am here and I am there. I work and life carries on. My life, her life. We each have our paths. How long is forever? We have now.

I have switched off comments on this post as it is too poignant and we are living these times. I am not sure how many times I have replayed this same piece of music as I have written this. It is the perfect soundtrack to this particular moment in time.

Thursday, 14 February 2013

Boggy nose experiment

Apparently I have a boggy nose and have since discovered online this is a medically used term. The consultant seems to think that I am allergic to something that I inhale and totally dismissed any theory I had about consuming dairy. He was most insistent .... "how can something you eat affect your nose" he stated.

He is referring me for an allergy test that will not include testing food stuffs; and has prescribed me a steroid nasal spray to use long term, and wants to see me again in three months. The nasal spray is supposed to clear the airways. I am not sure what side effects it would also give me as he was quite blase on that.

I only went back on dairy in the week or so prior to this appointment as my nasal drip symptoms had all cleared up and I wanted something for the consultant to look at on this long awaited appointment. Just one week of dairy. I am back off it now and suspect it will take a bit longer than a week for it all to clear up.

For an experiment, I will keep the prescription I have been given and not purchase the nasal spray so that I can take it back in three months, or whenever the follow-up appointment finally manifests. I will go for the allergy testing appointment when that happens. I will keep off dairy as my line of action and I will see if I still have a "boggy nose" in three months.

At the appointment  I had my hearing tested and that was reassuringly good. I thought it was deteriorating when in fact my daughter just needs to talk a bit louder and clearer and maybe the TV is on quiet. I also do not have any growths or polyps in my airways so nothing of concern. Always a good thing even if I don't agree with the medication prescribed or the less than wholistic approach.

Sunday, 10 February 2013

On the road again

That was my first Saturday night sleeping at home for nearly a month. And yet I do not feel any more refreshed for it. Something is up with me but as long as it stays calm and just under the surface I can get on. It could be my little experiment with dairy which I had previously given up for some months and my sinuses had cleared. As I had been slipping off the waggon lately and noticing it the next day after any ingestion; and with my hospital appointment finally coming up this Tuesday coming, I thought I may as well load up on dairy and give them something to look at.

In a while I shall throw on some warm clothes and go and clear the car of all my stuff and clean up the inside a bit. Instead of my usual four hour return trip for the past five weekends to see a dear friend, we have a five hour return trip to see darling Mr Doris' parents. His dad is rapidly ageing and it is good to have some quality time together when we can. Daughter is travelling with us on this one which will be a nice surprise for them. That is if she can get up in time. At least the driving can be shared: I'll enjoy doing the first leg of the trip and Mr Doris will likely do the return when I can do my usual of falling asleep after a lovely long day.

Wednesday, 6 February 2013

I be tired

Sat here this morning before getting ready for work and I am feeling a tiredness in my shoulders. My eyes feel like they would rather be closed than open and I keep yawning. Still. In a very short while I'll be in the shower, washed and dressed and twisting my hair up into a French pleat and then looking as professional as can be. Sparkling and ready to take on the world for another day.