All my life I have led a double life. There is the one during the day and quite another at night during my sleep. So much so, that there have been times I have been so exhausted by my nocturnal activities when instead I should have been getting a refreshing night's sleep.
There are times when I have tried to dive into my dream world, feeling sure that it was an alternative reality and not just a collection of symbols. To an extent, despite the tiredness, I have held tight to this alternative world and refused to let it go even though it is often a reality filled with fear.
I also sleep talk, sleep walk and have night terrors. The last few years these have been a lot less, maybe because I am finally calming down in some ways. My sleep talking is rarely understandable and when it is, it is usually nonsense. But sometimes I will shout.
Sleep walking is now confined to moving around in my bedroom. Sometimes in terror because I can see imaginary spiders or the entire ceiling is covered in spiders webs; or maybe there is a spider or insects or small mammals in bed with us. In the early days I think Mr Doris was a little alarmed and then bemused by it all but these days he is quite blase and will happily sleep through it and let me get on with it but when I get back into bed his warm arms cuddle me.
In the earlier days of our relationship I took to "rescuing him". Much to his surprise I would physically pull him out of bed to protect him from the ceiling that was about to fall in or the such like. I still occasionally whisk him out of bed in the dark of the night but at least it is less so now. And he is surprisingly obliging and doesn't get upset with me!
And then there are the night terrors and I'd hold the classic "night terrors" pose with one arm up in the air in protection and giving a silent scream but in my head it is loud. These usually result in me switching on the light although I am still asleep.
Worst of all happens only about once a year now and I think is something altogether different and is to do with my childhood memories. It always involves my mother and I end up sobbing so much with huge tears. I'd wake from the fear of my mother and shake and cry so much. Mr Doris always holds onto me tenderly. Next morning I'd have big red puffy eyes but otherwise I'd be OK.
With a few exceptions, my dreamworld up until recently has been mainly about being chased or being on the run. Always running, looking, trying to find but never finding nor knowing what it was all supposed to be about. It is strange to think that I held onto this alternative reality, but I did because there would be some very odd times that were almost priceless.
As a child I slept walked into other rooms which appeared very different. We lived high up in a modern tower block but the room I'd see would have old oak panelling and a secret door. Another time I tried to go into the secret room - but it was my parents' bedroom and the next morning my mother accused me of being a pervert. After that I kept a massive weight behind my bedroom door so I couldn't get out in my sleep.
Other times I've had weird and amazing adventures. On a few rare occasions I have had answers to problems in my dreams and acted upon them. I'm sure I dream in colour. My sleep walking/terror visions are so vivid they have to be real and for a while it really is until I either 'remember' it is just a dream and come to, or just wake up.
These days instead of thinking there is a parallel universe I'm more inclined to think it has a lot to do with my brain chemicals that create these delusions. I wonder also if this is what schizophrenic people experience but their alternative reality lasts for much longer. At least I snap out of it before too long.
It is a puzzling and curious experience. Even though I experience them night after night for every night of my life so far there is something mysterious and amazing about them. However, I'm ready to let this dreamworld go and would like to get night after night of restful sleep. Let me sleep. Please.
Scot has been discussing My Pygmalion Dreams
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Got me thinking about my own dreams and nightmares, what a weird concept eh? I started to tell my reccuring dream here in the comments but it was getting longer and longer so it is now a post on my blog.
I still think dreams are a form of alternative reality. Have you ever experienced lucid dreaming?
If I'd grown up with someone treating me like a pest all my life, I think most of my dreams might be to do with murder instead.
In fact thats probably where you are lucky - you may feel chased by all these horrible accusations, but you never gave into them and became them.
And theres a difference between exploring and claiming, if that makes sense.
Hope you dont mind me saying.
"lucid dreaming" is where you become aware during your dream that you are dreaming? Then yes I have, and I have tried to re-write my dreams to get a better ending but I can only go so far, but I have managed to replay the endings in order to try and get a better ending.
z It's great that your son is through the night terrors. It must be scary as a parent to know that your child is suffering like that.
On the funny side, in our house both my kids also sleep talk at times and some nights the house is positively alive with chattering which Mr Doris - the only one doesn't sleep talk thinks is quite funny!
I just found some dreams I had typed up and might, for my own benefit, assemble these and sometime type up a few others I have, and pop them in a separate blog. Eeh gad, start one blog and end up making a dozen!
Hell on Heels In these written up dreams I just found from 2002 I'm talking about the tiredness then too!
Astryngia LOL I'm glad that I have written a few of them up because even I can't believe them.
It would seem that the two of us have really developed a topic that fellow bloggers can relate to as evidenced by the comments you and I have both received to our posts. Unlike my post, however, you explore your dream states in much larger detail than I do mine. As such, you have me curious as to just what kind of dreams I have, and what purpose they may really serve. Since my last post, I've been making it a habit when I wake up to reflect on any dreams I may have had during the night, and to write them down. With some dreams, you just can't make the stuff up. I don't know who writes the scripts, but a few I've had beats theater of the absurd. Anyway, enjoyed this post. Thanks for the link back to mine . . .
Scot
I'm so glad to see you round again :-)