Wednesday, 2 November 2005

Frustrating teens

Each time I feel I blow it, and just hate it that I lose my temper and don't control myself better. Once my top has blown I know I have lost the argument. Then there are the consequences, this time it was just before dinner.

Having nearly emptied the fridge and store cupboard, to make room for cleaning them and getting in more organic produce, my 16 year old daughter has been complaining there is nothing to eat. I felt I excelled myself this evenng and produced a lovely baked potato meal with assorted fillings in different bowls on the table. Maybe some of them were left over items but presented nicely I thought it looked a feast.

In rounding up everyone I find daughter in the parlour yet again with the main light on rather than the low energy standard lamp. For the past two weeks I have been reminding her particularly to use the low energy lamp rather than the Victorian looking brass chandelier with 5 light bulbs. As we wanted a dimmer switch for ambience we can't have low energy bulbs. How many times do I have to tell her. Tonight I lost it with her obtuseness and ultimate "why did you get that light then?".

Big arguments before dinner are like arguments before going out. There are consequences. Daughter shut herself in the parlour and when I go back to get her for dinner she innocently says "I told you I was coming to dinner but I am busy". When she does come she sits there refusing to eat and says she is waiting to see if she feels hungry enough. After a time she scoops up a plate of food and then zooms off to the parlour with it.

This same room with the chandelier also has £36 per square metre carpet. (Long story for this extravagance.) For ages now I have been insisting no eating in there by the kids and I am left thinking whether I can go tell her not to eat in there or whether she will throw another wobbly and throw the food. It is all so frustrating. Not helped that the first time anything major hit that carpet was me who wildly missed my aim on a glass of red wine and I incredibly flung this red wine in a great sweep across our gold carpet. In front of aforementioned teen. I'm sure she dines out on that.

Dinner is finished. Mr Doris cleans up the dishes and the kids are actually playing and joking with each other in another part of the house and I am still sat at the dining table mulling over my glass of stout. If only I didn't flip and we might have been able to sit round the table enjoying our morsels together. Hey ho.

Original Comments:

Growing Up said...
My kids are the same they never listen to a thing i tell them and it winds me up. It feels like all we ever do is argue. I'm like you sometimes i wish we could sit down at the dinner table and have a nice family meal and just be chilled out.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005 7:54:00 PM
momof2 said...
Sometimes you've just got to pick your battles.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005 8:06:00 PM
Astryngia said...
I felt for you still sitting there at the dinner table alone, mulling. I tend to feel ashamed at having 'lost it' over something that ultimately perhaps can be seen as 'just mum' being neurotic over something or other that seems important to me.

But I think we DO have a right to have OUR possessions treated with respect. And you can choose what are your possessions. That room, so nicely decorated is 'your' possession and you want it treated according to your values.

Just wondering if you had a conversation with her about the values you are expressing and the conflicts you have experienced (eg being ecological vs the benefit of a dimmer switch) and the way you have resolved that (so please use the low energy lamp unless using the dimmer)...
Thursday, November 03, 2005 12:56:00 AM
mrshellonheels said...
Doris, Im sorry you had a nasty day. I am so happy that mine are grown although I have less hair and I am no longer sane. I think you handled it perfectly. I would have not been so nice, but maybe thats because I raised 3 boys.
Thursday, November 03, 2005 5:45:00 AM
doris said...
Thanks all!

I guess it is amplified because I am taking an internal dive again so I decided to pink up my blog and am now going to get on with some proper work!

(Oh yes, and the sheer irony of it all regarding my 16 year old.... the night before last I had spent over an hour researching (because her research was cr*p) and finding and beautifully wordprocesing the right Deed Poll text to allow my daughter to drop our family name without any financial cost of using some dubious onlne service. And I don't even get grovelling for an extended period of time.)
Thursday, November 03, 2005 9:51:00 AM
Mary P. said...
I love my kids, and get on very well with them most of the time, but there is no getting around the fact that there is nothing as self-absorbed as a teen (says the mother of two, with a twelve-year-old hard on their heels).

I'll bet she does dine out on your red wine spill, but when I've done similar, I just explain:

"I can take the risk of a spill because I take the responsibility for one. I bought the carpet, I'll pay for the clean-up. Do you plan on paying for the clean-up if you spill?"

Course they don't! They may not be gracious about it, but after a grunt, they slink off to where they should be.
Thursday, November 03, 2005 12:23:00 PM
Cheryl said...
Perhaps all a fancy parlour room needs is a fancy little key? Oh yes, and a fancy neck chain for you, to keep it on.

Maybe its junk food withdrawal, or maybe its something else, but her stropping around is a blatant way to ask you to find out. (Maybe she is going round in internal circles about the name change - had she planned you to be upset instead of helpful?)Otherwise she'd just hate you silently and not let it show!

Good luck
Thursday, November 03, 2005 12:27:00 PM
Red Mum said...
As momof2 said sometimes you have to choose your battles or it could out and out war constantly. And the only person really suffering is you and Mr Doris.
Friday, November 04, 2005 1:06:00 PM
Ghone said...
Kids eh? What can you do!
Friday, November 04, 2005 1:08:00 PM
Neutron said...
Oh doris! You poor soul...feel for you but/and I think your kids will realise one day what a great mother you are! There is this quote from Oscar Wilde...hang on let me look it up..."Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them" to which I always wanted to add (cos let's face it, what did Oscar bloody Wilde know about having kids) "...and then they have children themselves and understand!"
If it cheers you up someone came to my blog from the following link' on your blog: "porn, teens, big"!!
Thursday, March 30, 2006 12:15:00 AM

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