Sunday, 1 June 2008

Furstjewnitis

Introduction
Furstjewnitis is a common mental affliction that affects mature adults feeling their life is somewhat out of control and rushing past. It is a momentary precipice that can either lead to depression, great soul searching or even increased activity.

Furstjewnitis is most commonly a response to calendric triggers and the condition usually occurs in summer. It is not contagious. There is no medicine that can deal with the affliction, although alcohol has been known to be used, and the affliction usually clears up on its own.


Symptoms
The early symptoms of furstjewnitis are similar to those of common depression. They include:
  • twinges of the mental faculties
  • mild feelings of loss
  • mild anxiety
After two to three days the symptoms tend to peak, and may become more severe:
  • confused thought processes
  • fear of losing all
  • faster than normal heartbeat
  • irregular eating and sleeping patterns
  • continuous low mood or sadness
  • feelings of hopelessness and helplessness
  • low self-esteem
  • tearfulness
  • feelings of guilt
These symptoms can be very worrying, but most cases of furstjewnitis are not serious. However, if you are showing symptoms of furstjewnitis and are under 40 years old, or have an underlying mental health problem then you should see your GP as soon as possible.


Causes
Most cases of furstjewnitis are a simple process caused by the passing of time. Particularly the end of May and the onset of June triggering the realisation that the middle of the year was rapidly passing by.

Once the affliction enters the sensory system, it makes its way down to the furthest reaches of the mind distorting all perceptions.


Diagnosis
Self-diagnosis is usually sufficient. The blot test involving discarded calendar pages may also be used.


Treatment
There is no medicine that can deal with the affliction that causes furstjewnitis and most cases clear up on their own within two weeks. However, there are treatments that can ease your symptoms and make them more comfortable.

If your furstjewnitis is mild, you can treat it at home in the following ways:

  • Being proactive - stop whinging and get on with getting things done.

  • Alcohol - used sparingly, alcohol can numb the effects of furstjewnitis but this is only a temporary sedative. However, on occasion, it may be sufficient to allow the affliction to pass and no longer be a problem.
  • Retail therapy - use online shopping websites to order the most extravagant items that make you smile. However, it is important to not actually enter any payment details and to definitely not press the buy button. This form of retail is particularly effective as it does not lead to further debt.
  • Glass therapy - look at the year being half full and all that has been done and achieved rather than the year being half empty or half gone and nothing done.

Complications
Severe depression leading to the pits of hell.


Prevention
Get off your backside. Go out and have fun or at least try to. Walking the walk and talking the talk is extremely effective as a preventative measure.


Useful advice
Blogging has been known to be a help and sometimes a hindrance.

12 comments:

Anji said...

I know it well, the year is half full to me.

Steg said...

It's good to know that it's got a name anyway! I think I have a beer in the fridge....

Jay said...

Other Half suffers badly from this. Also other related disorders such as 'ItsnearlyChristmasagainitis' and 'Soonbetheshortestdayitis'. Not to mention 'Thenightsaredrawinginalreadyitis'. I really think there should be an organisation similar to Al-Anon for all the partners and spouses, parents and children of those who suffer, because let me tell you, we're all suffering right along with ya! LOL!

Josephine said...

A DOCTOR WRITES...

Yes, all these disorders are grouped together in the International Clinical Directory as 'Subjective Conditions of The Calendar'...

Characteristics as outlined by Doris and Jay are very common, and complications can set in when personal experiences become overlaid (For example 'Mygotitsalmostmybirthdayagain Syndrome' and 'Howcanitbenearlychristmasweonlyjusthadhalloween' Disorder.)

As Doris says, symptoms can be exacerbated by the habit of the patient to sit on his/her arse and say things like "Time actually speeds up as you get older, that's a proven fact you know."

Signed

A Doctor

Doris said...

Ha-ha! You lot make me laugh :-D

Momma said...

Brilliant! Love it! Did you get this from WebMD? ;-)

Peace - D
(another 40-something Doris!)

Doris said...

Hi Momma, nice to meet you :-)

I suppose my answer is, what's WebMD? (Although I just googled it so question answered!) It might be based on the layout of some of the doctor advice sites out there but that's as far as it goes. Perhaps I can go down in history as the discoverer of this condition? ;-)

Anji said...

Then we'd have to call it Dorisitus - you don't wan't your name remembered for such a terrible disease.

Chandira said...

Yup! I get that one.. June 21st is when my symptoms usually peak, and all seems lost, as we slip once again into Eternal Darkness until next May.

Jo said...

Thank goodness I now have a name for it!! And I'm extremely pleased to see one of the treatments is retail therapy :)

Oh - you're not supposed to actually spend money are you...Whoops.

Cat said...

oh my I am suffering from this. lol

Hugs to you my dear and as they say I am back. xx

Dru Marland said...

Hi, Doris, and thanks for dropping in on my blurgh. I empathise entirely with your feelings; the year is rushing by, and this is my absolute favourite bit of it, when everything is still green and fresh. This morning I checked the time when the first blackbird began singing - 0357. And the northern sky was already light. This is what I was looking forward to in the dark cold days of winter...