One minute you are driving along minding your own business and the next a car zooms out of nowhere across your path on a main road to get to a side road. A combination of slamming on my brakes and taking evasive action we somehow dance in the middle of the road with our cars not touching once but missing by a whisker and then I slam into the kerb and then straighten up and pull over.
In that moment of realisation that life had suddenly careered out of control and I was at the steering wheel having to salvage things, an accident 7 years before flashes before my eyes. It was an accident in reverse with a car pulling out from my left but I was on a motorbike. I took the full force of the impact and know what it is like to have a car crunch into my thigh. My leathers and lead boots protected my bones and the bike and I were forced onto the other side of the road into the oncoming traffic. Here I was this afternoon reliving it in a second and thinking here we go again but from the other side.
I was so shook up I stopped on the side of the road and put on my hazard lights and didn't know whether I wanted to cry or bawl. I did neither. The driver of the other car came running over ever so apologetic. No point being angry with the other driver because there for the grace of God go I or anyone else. It was strange to once again have someone apologise profusely. The apology helps and as our cars didn't actually touch there was no need to get insurance details.
Finally I resumed my journey with the clunking realisation of a tyre flattened by the impact with the kerb. It started to rain and I was feeling shook up still so I called the AA to come earn their membership fee and change the tyre even though I know under other circumstances I could just as easily do it myself. Good job I did as the AA guy pointed out the dangerous state that tyre had been in and was close to a blow-out if I had been doing speed on the motorway. Next week I expect to be doing a lot of motorway driving and may not have realised that tyre was suspect. So there was definitely a golden lining in this mishap and makes me feel better. That maybe this happened for a reason.
Cheryl wrote about Eclipse Week this week and in the comments Zilla had mentioned the heightened chance of accidents. I just hope that that was our accident for the family and no more. Strange thing is that my stars must have some special planetary configuration which says that the front passenger side of the car is implicated. Just last week some so-and-so smashed through that window and stole the front of our car stereo. They couldn't screwdriver the rest of it out and left with nothing else. They didn't even take the classical CDs! And now the wheel on that side.
Fingers crossed that this is it. And in some bizarre way I should be thankful for the accident today.
Original Comments:
Tuesday, 28 March 2006
Saturday, 25 March 2006
Metamorphising daughter
Over dinner tonight studying my kids I can still see the baby and the little child character in my 12 year old son. It is like he has remained constant although developing, maturing and calming, he is still a reflection of how he was. He has even retained aspects of his looks.
On the other hand 16 year old daughter is unrecognisable to the cute toddler she once was. She always was an unconventional beauty. A touch of mystery with her dark eyes, her creamy peaches skin with a hint of olive and her short curly hair. She and I were so close and inseparable in her first few years. A tight and happy unit we went through a lot together. And then something happened. Something changed and it has been like a long dark tunnel with only the occasional flicker of sunlight with her.
When son was born I didn't automatically take to him and found it hard to imagine I could ever love another child the way I loved my daughter and so I didn't in a way. It took maybe a year for me to really love him and that's when the chinks started to show in my relationship with my daughter. I'm being brutally honest here! I don't think she resents Mr Doris for becoming part of our lives because she is certainly close to him and at times closer to him than I. I've certainly wavered in my affections for her but I don't know which came first her difficult behaviour and me reacting against it or her reacting against me and my changing affections.
Daughter is sixteen and a half now. She seems very happy and this evening she said two nice things to me. First she offered to do some housework and asked what was needed. I suggested a few things and she went and attempted a bit. It was a nice exchange and didn't deteriorate into me sniping at her in any way. Then later on she told me that she would come with me on a family gathering that I had specifically asked her that I would like her to attend. I didn't have to remind her or anything. She just offered. (Unfortunately I need to break it to her soon that we will in fact be sleeping over and I reckon she won't be happy about that but at least she has come part of the way to agreeing.)
Looking at my daughter I search her face for the baby and toddler I loved but I reckon I needed to let go of who she was and what we once had. She's a burgeoning adult who likes to think she is already there, but in some ways she is. She's changed into a beautiful young woman with a gorgeous smile, who feels she has learned a lot and wants to work hard and do well.
If only I can keep my mouth shut and not wind her up maybe she might grow back into being the daughter that I love. (Now ain't that a controversial thing for a mother to say!)
Original Comments:
On the other hand 16 year old daughter is unrecognisable to the cute toddler she once was. She always was an unconventional beauty. A touch of mystery with her dark eyes, her creamy peaches skin with a hint of olive and her short curly hair. She and I were so close and inseparable in her first few years. A tight and happy unit we went through a lot together. And then something happened. Something changed and it has been like a long dark tunnel with only the occasional flicker of sunlight with her.
When son was born I didn't automatically take to him and found it hard to imagine I could ever love another child the way I loved my daughter and so I didn't in a way. It took maybe a year for me to really love him and that's when the chinks started to show in my relationship with my daughter. I'm being brutally honest here! I don't think she resents Mr Doris for becoming part of our lives because she is certainly close to him and at times closer to him than I. I've certainly wavered in my affections for her but I don't know which came first her difficult behaviour and me reacting against it or her reacting against me and my changing affections.
Daughter is sixteen and a half now. She seems very happy and this evening she said two nice things to me. First she offered to do some housework and asked what was needed. I suggested a few things and she went and attempted a bit. It was a nice exchange and didn't deteriorate into me sniping at her in any way. Then later on she told me that she would come with me on a family gathering that I had specifically asked her that I would like her to attend. I didn't have to remind her or anything. She just offered. (Unfortunately I need to break it to her soon that we will in fact be sleeping over and I reckon she won't be happy about that but at least she has come part of the way to agreeing.)
Looking at my daughter I search her face for the baby and toddler I loved but I reckon I needed to let go of who she was and what we once had. She's a burgeoning adult who likes to think she is already there, but in some ways she is. She's changed into a beautiful young woman with a gorgeous smile, who feels she has learned a lot and wants to work hard and do well.
If only I can keep my mouth shut and not wind her up maybe she might grow back into being the daughter that I love. (Now ain't that a controversial thing for a mother to say!)
Original Comments:
- Cheryl said...
- 90% of all children, when they finally leave home, do so because of rows with their father. Or at least they did when the nuclear family stayed intact, but you can bet the majority of whats left also leave because of rows with a.n.other - so you see, at 16 or 25, they all are still young enough to blame someone.
So you're the adult she needs to prove herself to, the one she sees as strongest, the one in whose company she puts up the act that is her impression of 'being adult and independent'.
Its good, and if you can see her acting out not as an action but as a reaction - as railing against the strength and authority she sees in you, just by you standing there; thats she's acting from the stance that you have won, already; then it helps.
And yes, at worst it takes until they have children of their own for some large and pride-removing pennies to drop.
Hang on in there.
- MrsDoF said...
- Very insightful.
The relationship with a mother and daughter is lots of give and take, and the mother has to be the one to recognize the give, because of being the grown-up.
I have a friend whose daughter is 14, and my friend says this has been the worst year of her own life. She wakes up every morning and makes an effort to find positive to hang onto.
- dog1net said...
- Doris,
Ah, but to be a parent. When we're in the thick of it, especially when our children are in their teens, it's as if we're always questioning whether we 're going to survive the experience. But they do grow up, and seldom are our worst fears realized. I knew my son was quite a challenge--very engaging and lots of energy--but he crossed the threshold into adulthood just fine. He's now in the Army accomplishing things I never thought he'd be motivated to try. Since you seem to be the stronger parent, consider yourself fortunate that your daughter tests limits with you. As long as you continue to set them in a manner that's fair, and allow for natural consequences when she makes a poor choice, she'll always have you to thank after she's on her own. Wonderful, insightful writing on parenting. Thanks for bringing me back.
Scot
- Le laquet said...
- Bles you both it's a turbulent time in life. I remember hateful, poisonous slanging matches with both my mother and father ... not with my brother mind you because I just refused to admit that he even existed!! However we came through the other side and mow have a fntastic relationship ~ hang in there and enjoy the sweet moments!
- doris said...
- Cheryl I didn't know the statistics would be that high against fathers. And you know: "thats she's acting from the stance that you have won" that is so true a lot of the time. I feel this whole defence from her as if I have not only won but that I am obviously doing things much better than her etc. And yet I have never felt like that. It is very difficult to praisie her as she just refutes anything.
Things are definitely getting better all the time though.
MrsDof Thank you also for another thoughtful comment. I am grateful that my daughter is still here and that I haven't been like my mother so yes, it is up to me to make it better.
Dog1Net Great to hear about your son. And you have a very interesting and pertinent post on your blog about the youth of today.
LeLaquet I've heard that from others who had fought with their parents and that kept me going in the earlier days of teenage difficulties.
- Ally said...
- I can see my relationship with my own mother in your post; and interesting point from Cheryl - I eventually left home because my father gave me the 'under our house you live by our rules and I won't have you upsetting your mother' speech; which I suspect might be fairly standard.
I love my mother (and father) dearly; but I couldn't live with her as two adult women in the same house. I guess that that teenage period is where mothers and daughters renegotiate their boundaries, which are bound to be always changing as the daughter gradually matures.
You are so insightful - this relationship is something I'm still actively struggling with and you've given me something in this post that I think will help me.
As the others say - hang in there! x
- doris said...
- Ally I think it is a very good point that as adults we might not actually be able to live together. I know I couldn't live with my mother anymore!
As for me, I'm the cat that has got the cream as regards Mothers Day. I'm going to leave this desk - was going to catch up wtih some more work but not going to now - don't wont to waste an opportunity. More another time and wish me luck :-D
- Ghone said...
- I love children, me.
But couldn't eat a whole one!
I'll be posting some Mrs Pig photographic news in a month or so. Well, a photo will definitely be Due before the 10th of June! ;o)
- Karen said...
- Just dropping by to say thanks for the comment you left - I decided to delete the post as I know the person involved has now read it - I wanted you to know I appreciated your comment....
- Milt Bogs said...
- A daughter would have been nice. I'm not sure I'd have got on with the boyfriends though.
- Neutron said...
- Hi Doris,
Thanks for the blogbirthday greetings!
As many have suggested: hang on in there...they go into puberty and...they come out again! My oldest daughter (22!) was at my gig last night with her boyfriend singing along and having a great time.
- Pookie65 said...
- If you only knew what kind of a sixteen year old I was. My mother and I were at odds constantly from the time I was 14 until I FINALLY changed for the better at around age nineteen. I wasn't the sole cause of our troubles by any means but always wont to have the last word I was not a pleasant child to be around. Now my mom and I are the closest of friends and have been for many, many years. I honestly believe that gay sons and daughters share a similar relationship with their mothers. For the "turning years" we live at odds. Neither the parent or the child wanting to back down. Ever. It's a natural progression in the relationship for a teen. A rather nasty one but none the less a natural one.
If it's any consilation I belive this difficult time really does bring you closer in the long run. My mom and I can laugh together over some of the things from those years that were just horrid.
Many hugs, Doris. You are a great inspiration for your daughter to grow into. She is just having a hard time finding herself right now. She's not gone from you -- just stepping into her own emotional cacoon of growth.
Hugs!
- Astryngia said...
- Being a mother to girls...such a different experience to boys - the daughter in us, the mother in them. It was such a (unexpected!) relief to discover I was to be mother to a boy. Fascinating description of your experience - thanks for sharing it!!
- jane said...
- It's a scary thing to watch our kids turn into young adults, knowing they'll soon be on their own. I also had such a close & special bond with my 1st child. I bet once your daughter moves out, you & she will be closer.
- Writer Mom said...
- Excellent honesty. Fantastic for me to read.
My children are still young, but I get glimpses here and there that someday I will HAVE to start detaching. I will HAVE to deal with them thinking for themselves.
I tell myself the arguments are nature's way of making letting go easier.
We'll see.
- Shirley Buxton said...
- Somewhere years ago, I read that children go slightly (or more!) crazy for a few years. Around 17 years of age, they regain their sanity and come back.
Hang in there. Be sweet, but remember you are the parent; she is not.
I am 67 years old now, have reared 4 children, who have all turned out very well, although there were times when I could have killed them all!
Blessings to you and your family.
Shirleybuxton.com
shirleyjbuxton.blogspot.com
Monday, 20 March 2006
English Spring 2006
W E L C O M E
May your cheerful blooms lift hearts and spirits
Your firm stems stand tall and sure
And hope blossom like never before
With seeds planted forever more.
Doris
May your cheerful blooms lift hearts and spirits
Your firm stems stand tall and sure
And hope blossom like never before
With seeds planted forever more.
Doris
Technically we know that daffodils have bulbs and not seeds but this is poetic license and I'm not talking specifically about daffs!
Original Comments:
- doris said...
- Spring has sprung and I have done something sensational. Before going to bed (in a moment) I have voluntarily swept and washed the kitchen floor. And when my work was done I left the mop and headed off feeling good but then I went back and gave the bathroom a quick wipe over too.
Will wonders ever cease!
And when I was mopping I was thinking of a Janet and John reading book from my childhood..... when they still had them illustrated with their 1950s frocks. In this particular story it was raining and instead of going out with their mother they stayed in and washed the kitchen floor instead. That always baffled me. How on earth can washing the floor EVER be a substitute for going out. I'm still perplexed and obviously still have a healthy attitude to housework ;-) (But bless dear Mr Doris for taking up my slack in this department. I love you so much for that but I will do more to help. xxx)
- Britmum said...
- Doris
I love reading your posts. You rock!!
Love Catherine
- doris said...
- Awww thanks Catherine!
- Cheryl said...
- Floor mopping - daffodils.
Daffodils - floor mopping.
Nah I don't get it.
ROFL!
Actually I am dreading the first spring sunshine because I know it will cast light on a few horrors in this house........
Nice words!
- ChelseaFCChick said...
- I haven't had a mad moment of voluntary housework, such as your moment of mopping, in a while. I'm usually a slightly obsessive neat freak (lol) and often this leads me to mad moments of getting things done late at night or first thing in the morning.
Suddenly, with all this talk of mopping, my kitchen floor looks filthy lol! Maybe its the pregnancy but I haven't got the energy to follow in your footsteps and get it done before bed this time:-)
- Joe said...
- Doris you are becoming a domestic godess! You can come and mop my floor in your 50s frock anytime you like ;-) (Come to think of it, maybe I'd like to do that!)
Lovely poem hon :-)
Firm stems? LOL.
Joe x
- doris said...
- Cheryl! I obviously have uncharted depths! :-)
Sarah So you're back! I hope you had a nice trip to the UK but I'll catch up on your blog. I'm definitely NOT a neat freak and refute any suggestions that I am! ;-)
Joe LOL we can fight over the dress and the pinny! It's the way you say "firm stems" that now makes it sound dodgy. Tch! Philistine! ;-)
- ella m. said...
- I will have to have hope for a metaphorical spring blossom, as the thermometer is still at winter coat level. :)
- Badaunt said...
- Cheryl: Daffodils + floor mopping = SPRING CLEANING!
You're not thinking sideways enough. :-)
(Lovely poem)
- Le laquet said...
- Ah yes the joys of spring ~ raining here!!! Mind you at least that'll mean I can wash ... Simon informs me that baths in Kent are about to be banned (I have no idea where he got that snippet from either!)
- MattyD said...
- Spring is here?! I think it forgot Sussex :(
- Writer Mom said...
- And Indiana, too!
(I swear I stopped in a few days back, but my comment must have gotten the axe by the computer nut kid. It was just me making fun of my lack of housekeeping.)
Bless you for being springy!
Saturday, 18 March 2006
Long emails in the dead of night
Long emails in the dead of night
Picking over words
Choosing the diplomatic with a loving heart
Trying to explain the insanity
ever present in all of us
Wanting to please and make all things good
Knowing that I can't and won't and that's OK
Bridging the miles and decades
Finding that genetic links are good too
and mean something after all
So many late nights
So many long emails
Quite a few tears and so many smiles.
Original Comments:
Picking over words
Choosing the diplomatic with a loving heart
Trying to explain the insanity
ever present in all of us
Wanting to please and make all things good
Knowing that I can't and won't and that's OK
Bridging the miles and decades
Finding that genetic links are good too
and mean something after all
So many late nights
So many long emails
Quite a few tears and so many smiles.
Original Comments:
- Britmum said...
-
Did you write this? A very good piece of poetry.
I hope that you are well.
Take care xoxo - doris said...
-
:-) Just a little free flow writing about 10 minutes before the time of your message. It is just a piece from the heart, saying it as it is. That is what I like about blogging: is being able to be creative and expressive however I please and no-one saying what is right or wrong.
Yes I am fine thanks Britmum though had a rough night last with lots of night terrors.
I'm afraid I've been pre-occupied and not getting around to my fav blogs but that seems to be a current theme for many of us. - Cheryl said...
-
:-)
Like it, congrats, good for you.
I think that covers all three angles (poetry, results, your strength & composure). Yup, that does it. - doris said...
-
Thanks Cheryl! :-)
Now I have the long wait for a reply to the email I wrote last night. Nail biting and fingers crossed. - Joe said...
-
Good for you Doris. You really are a sticker-at-it (is that a phrase?)
:-)
J - Astryngia said...
-
That's lovely - I can just see you sitting there, pensive. And it speaks of you, from the heart. It comes across.
- doris said...
-
Well Joe .... that 'e' is going to take some getting used to ;-)
Astryngia You know me too well :-) - decrepitoldfool said...
-
Such a wonderful bit of poetry. And now that the novelty has long since worn off, email is as human a way of communicating as any other. The humanity is in the communicator, not the medium.
Thank you for this. - doris said...
-
DoF Sounds crazy but I hadn't thought of it as bringing new technology into the world of poetry but of course that is what it is!
Thanks!
Tuesday, 14 March 2006
Procrastinator
Oh dear,
I'm procrastinating so much today
I may go blind.
| Urgh. | |||||
| Ugh. | |||||
| Uh-oh. | |||||
| Groan. | |||||
| Hmm. | |||||
| Yikes. |
Maybe I am waiting for that special moment when I just sodding well get on and do the work.
Original Comments:
- Britmum said...
-
I had a root canal today and I can't be absolutely assed to do anything else. Blagh blagh!!! Hope you have a better more fruitful day tomorrow.
Take care - Cheryl said...
-
Puddles of vacancy and amused distraction are always for a good reason.
Somebody really clever and insightful told me that.
So, what silver droplet of genius materialised and installed itself during your hiatus?
Eh? EH?
:-D - doris said...
-
Lovely for the root canal treatment Britmum! I had big dental treatment booked last week but had to postpone because that would lay me out for the day so not surprised how you feel.
I've done loads of work today. Hooray!
LOL Cheryl, some people are full of twaddle! Not sure what transpired yesterday but I feel good about what I did today (so far) that should make up for me having to disappear off again tomorrow! - Badaunt said...
-
You're worried about procrastinating TODAY? I've been procrastinating for about five weeks now. My great long list of things to do this vacation has about two things crossed off it. (At least I think it has. Actually I've lost it.)
I expect to go into panic mode about three days before classes start. But that's all right. I get everything done so much FASTER when I'm freaking out. - Writer Mom said...
-
(What BadAunt said).
Here I was going to write, "I hear ya, sister," then read that you've already gotten back on track.
Whew! You're a fast procrastinator!
You'd be a very good influence on me if I wasn't so dang lazy! - doris said...
-
LOL Now there's no point sitting around procrastinating now is there?!
It is possible that I am borderline insane so please don't mind me ;-)
It's true that there comes a point and we get it all done in double quick time. But being self-employed somewhat hones the mind at times... or I just can't bear the stress of letting down really nice clients. - Karen said...
-
LOL - I love it when it's not just me procrastinating.
- rashbre said...
-
Great use of the word 'Yikes'.
And sometimes a little time pressure is good for all of us. I have to write a presentation this weekend.
I prefer to have it as a background head task at the moment and to go do something else, then splurge it out later.
Monday, 13 March 2006
He cooks through paper
We have an induction hob in our new kitchen. It is black glass, touch controls and work by magnetism. So we have had to get rid of all our old pans for any pan that is magnetic, which are very few. The hob itself does not produce any heat and will only get warm because the contents in the pan have gotten hot and conduct back onto the glass. It is the magnetism that heats the food (I think!). Induction is more efficient and faster than gas. It is like magic cooking on it. Well, quite frankly, cooking on a sheet of glass is pretty amazing after a manky old gas cooker.
Mr Doris has an interesting way of cooking now. He lays sheets of kitchen roll on the hob and then places the pan to cook on top of the paper. The paper doesn't burn and soaks up any spitting or drips from the cooking. At the end of cooking he throws away the paper leaving a clean hob. It is an extremely bizarre way of cooking that I feel the need to note it here. I take my hat off to him for creativity but not sure that I can feel comfortable cooking through paper.
I've lost half a stone over the last few months and apart from a tummy don't have a lot of meat on me. I was out on a dry ski slope this afternoon and evening for over three hours for a kids birthday party. I took photos and didn't take part. I froze. My thigh bones are still cold and hope I don't get ill.
I was tiling our kitchen today. It is obscenely over the top. But I love it. The radio was playing some oldies and the D.I.V.O.R.C.E. song came on... I'd never listened to that one properly before. Never realised they were spelling out the words because of the five year old son in the song and not wanting to say such stuff in front of him. Over the years I'm not sure what I thought they were up to in that song spelling out the words and kept chuckling at my ignorance all this time.
Original Comments:
Mr Doris has an interesting way of cooking now. He lays sheets of kitchen roll on the hob and then places the pan to cook on top of the paper. The paper doesn't burn and soaks up any spitting or drips from the cooking. At the end of cooking he throws away the paper leaving a clean hob. It is an extremely bizarre way of cooking that I feel the need to note it here. I take my hat off to him for creativity but not sure that I can feel comfortable cooking through paper.
I've lost half a stone over the last few months and apart from a tummy don't have a lot of meat on me. I was out on a dry ski slope this afternoon and evening for over three hours for a kids birthday party. I took photos and didn't take part. I froze. My thigh bones are still cold and hope I don't get ill.
I was tiling our kitchen today. It is obscenely over the top. But I love it. The radio was playing some oldies and the D.I.V.O.R.C.E. song came on... I'd never listened to that one properly before. Never realised they were spelling out the words because of the five year old son in the song and not wanting to say such stuff in front of him. Over the years I'm not sure what I thought they were up to in that song spelling out the words and kept chuckling at my ignorance all this time.
Original Comments:
- Cheryl said...
- Hehe
Next he'll be doing stir fry on baking paper, without the saucepan......
Off to google those lyrics - do you remember (Billy Connolly's?)spoof version about the D-O-G and the V-E-T?
- doris said...
- As long as the paper had magnetic qualities to conduct the heat then yes!
I don't remember the contents of the spoof version but do remember it was funny. Maybe when I hear it again I will know that one better than the original.
- Carol said...
- Good idea. Wish I could do that on my hob - save me cleaning it!
- Britmum said...
- Wow you sound all high tech in your house.
Plus you seem to have your husband well trained in keeping things clean. Awesome!! LOL
Take care
- Milt Bogs said...
- I'll have to check those hobs out - they sound good. Mind you I lile to have something that works when there's a power cut.
- Karen said...
- I think Mr Doris should get an award for his ingenious cooking skills.
- Writer Mom said...
- This hob sounds fascinating. I had no idea such a thing exists. Your kitchen DOES sounds like something out of the future.
As for the song, does this mean you've reached that point everyone once spoke of? The, 'Someday, you'll look back on this time in your life and realize it was all for the best' point?
- Badaunt said...
- Is that hob thingy REALLY as good as gas? I mean, can you control the temperature instantly and in tiny increments, like you can with gas? After years of using gas I don't think I'd be able to cook with an ordinary electric stove, but I didn't know there were any alternatives.
(I'm glad to hear I'm not the only stick figure with a Tummy.)
- Jo said...
- Are you sure it's magnetism Doris?! I thought it was something like convective heat, or light (or is that halogen?) or something.
Ours is an Aga. Took a while to get the hang of it, but now it's the beating, warm heart of the house, and when it goes out to be serviced once a year, it's like the whole house has 'died' for a bit. We couldn't live without it :-)
However, you do not want to know what our oil bills look like these days!
- birdychirp said...
- We have an induction hob and love it - but the paper isn't necessary. With induction you actually CAN'T burn anything to the hob - sometimes hot spills dry but your wee metal scraper they provide puts paid to that!
- Le laquet said...
- Hob sounds fantabulous!! I'd love me one of those!! And I know what you mean about the cold ... I don't think I've warmed up Saturday *brrr*
- Anji said...
- I remember that D i v o r c e song. We used to do that, but our kids learnt to read (therfore spell) very quickly.
Mr Doris sound like a very useful husband indeed.
- Voices in my Head said...
- wow--and i thought my new flat glass electric was the absolute end! so easy to clean glass--but Mr. Doris's way sounds even easier! amazing.
Sunday, 12 March 2006
Back on track
This post re-published December 2012
After my little derailment on Friday night I finally found that preparing lunch in our beautiful new kitchen cheered me. The house was spic and span and we were all set and not dashing round like last minute lunatics. Our visitors came and enjoyed and left. And then I slept. Hard and sound for so many hours.
Today, what was left of it by the time I awoke, was spent on the telephone checking with my mother that she was OK after yesterday's visit. I was already dreading and thinking the worse - that she was now criticising everything but she wasn't at all and she seemed quite charmed that I had taken the time and care to call her. And my other visitor was also delighted with the meeting and said something really lovely. As we sat eating at the dining table she said she had thought it was like old times but without all the problems. How lovely is that.
Once again I am feeling heartened. Our visitor - one of my mother's sisters - will be like an ambassador for my mother to the rest of the family. She may be able to help heal the rifts from so long. But it doesn't matter if nothing else more widespread comes of it, it was just positive in itself and they want to keep in contact now.
It was wonderful showing my aunty around our house and sharing the love. And we have a really clean and tidied house that should be much easier to keep up to scratch now. The kids were lovely yesterday and a great pleasure to have around and darling Mr Doris took care of all the loose ends and made cups of tea and was a great host. Naturally I am quite tickled and my bouyancy has returned. Hooray :-)
After my little derailment on Friday night I finally found that preparing lunch in our beautiful new kitchen cheered me. The house was spic and span and we were all set and not dashing round like last minute lunatics. Our visitors came and enjoyed and left. And then I slept. Hard and sound for so many hours.
Today, what was left of it by the time I awoke, was spent on the telephone checking with my mother that she was OK after yesterday's visit. I was already dreading and thinking the worse - that she was now criticising everything but she wasn't at all and she seemed quite charmed that I had taken the time and care to call her. And my other visitor was also delighted with the meeting and said something really lovely. As we sat eating at the dining table she said she had thought it was like old times but without all the problems. How lovely is that.
Once again I am feeling heartened. Our visitor - one of my mother's sisters - will be like an ambassador for my mother to the rest of the family. She may be able to help heal the rifts from so long. But it doesn't matter if nothing else more widespread comes of it, it was just positive in itself and they want to keep in contact now.
It was wonderful showing my aunty around our house and sharing the love. And we have a really clean and tidied house that should be much easier to keep up to scratch now. The kids were lovely yesterday and a great pleasure to have around and darling Mr Doris took care of all the loose ends and made cups of tea and was a great host. Naturally I am quite tickled and my bouyancy has returned. Hooray :-)
8 Comments:
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"Blessed are the Peacemakers: for they will be called the children of the Lord." Matthew 5:9
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i just wanted to comment becuz i clicked on "Kebab and Intrigue
on the Net" and was surprised to read your beautiful love story! i hope u dont mind if i promo it on my site--it is truly inspiring and gives one hope!
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I'm so glad it went well and you've had some positive feedback.
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Aww thanks V, glad you found it. You are welcome to promo it. :-)
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Doris
Well done. You deserve a huge hug -and I'm guessing Mr Doris has supplied ;-)
I can only piece together the story of your family rift from what you've revealed in posts now and then, thought I recognise some of the themes from my mother/family.
You are doing a marvellous job here, reconciling. And as long as you are feeling some benefit then that's great. Are you? Are things better for you now that a rapprochement could be underway? Or are you doing it more for others hon, in which case I'd worry a bit? You clearly care about this an awful lot and it's taking a lot out of you (even though you have a lovely shiny bathroom!).
:-)
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Yay Hurray!
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Testing Cheryl's commenting thingy on her blog.....?
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Jo LOL yes I do indeed benefit with our shiny
bathrooms! I also benefit from all this reconciliation in a few ways.
Firstly, I can enjoy my own relationships with various extended family
members without having to keep it secretive from my parents and secondly
that sense of satisfaction that at least I tried. If rifts are not
healed it was not for my want of trying. And thirdly I have lovely
relationships with family members I wouldn't have otherwise had because
they have been disappeared all these years. Come to think of it, if it
wasn't for my communication bridging a few years ago my parents wouldn't
now have quite a reasonable to good relationship with my brother and
his family.
I reckon that for all the hiccoughs and heartache I get along the way that the outcome is actually quite good. But I too wonder what propels me and what this is all about.
Maybe there is something to that Bible passage, Blessed are the Peacemakers..... Maybe I am propelled from other forces. But I don't do any of this for the glory etc. It just feels like it is within my power to give it a go and so I do. I reckon there are other things in life in which I wouldn't bother as I couldn't be sure of a reasonably positve outcome.
Thanks Anji. The positive fedback was most encouraging.
Saturday, 11 March 2006
Getting it off my chest
This post re-published December 2012
It is getting it off my chest time. It is now quarter to three in the morning and I have just completely scrubbed the upstairs bathroom. I've just creamed my hands to try and revive them before moving onto the downstairs bathroom and utility room. We have guests later, one of which has never been before and it will be the grand tour. I'm surprised we've gotten as much done as we have so it isn't much more and anything else can be left. Mr Doris made me rest earlier in the evening and did the parlour after daughter had promised for days she would sort it out but I can see that my touch is needed in there to finish it off.
My eyes are like two piggy poke holes with sore red rims. I feel things too sensitively. I'm far too sensitive to be sticking my neck out this far for my immediate and extended family but for some reason I am driven on. I don't expect to have a trail of fairies and magic dust follow after me as I unite families who have been apart for decades, and I don't even expect everyone to have happy ever afters. I do get thank yous from all and sundry that's for sure but in my eyes that is pretty pointless when there are great swathes of animosity or downright hatred. And then my mother puts me on the spot on the telephone demanding that I be loyal to her and refuse to have anything to do with one particular person. Of course it isn't as simple as that and her arguments are quite compelling in her eyes. When she raised her voice to me on the telephone, but I managed to keep mine down and tell her that this call should end, she seemed to forget she is my guest tomorrow (later on today!). The stupid cow then went into "oh you're so busy you must put your feet up mode" when I know she just wants to stick knives in me but is keeping her options open on a darned good nosh-up at our place.
I don't suppose it is anything personal. I am such an enigma to her. A blinking happy one who makes friends even with family members. Quelle horreur!
Maybe I managed to keep up a front to her on the phone but as soon as the phone went down I swore then burst into tears. Mr Doris tried to calm me and I fell asleep on the sofa and slept it off for a couple of hours. But since I've woken again I am depressed. Then there are other members of the family in almost a love-hate relationship. A lot of the time there is fantastic stuff going on but other times, just enough times, I feel vulnerable. Like as if there are machinations going on behind my back as if people don't believe I can be so altruistic. As if I am waiting for the elderly bachelor uncle to pop his clogs and release his Will. I can see why he disappeared for forty years, I've been thinking that isn't such a bad idea and quite appealing. Let them get on with it. But then I'm feeling depressed and as Scarlet O'Hara says in "Gone with the Wind" ....tomorrow is another day.
It is getting it off my chest time. It is now quarter to three in the morning and I have just completely scrubbed the upstairs bathroom. I've just creamed my hands to try and revive them before moving onto the downstairs bathroom and utility room. We have guests later, one of which has never been before and it will be the grand tour. I'm surprised we've gotten as much done as we have so it isn't much more and anything else can be left. Mr Doris made me rest earlier in the evening and did the parlour after daughter had promised for days she would sort it out but I can see that my touch is needed in there to finish it off.
My eyes are like two piggy poke holes with sore red rims. I feel things too sensitively. I'm far too sensitive to be sticking my neck out this far for my immediate and extended family but for some reason I am driven on. I don't expect to have a trail of fairies and magic dust follow after me as I unite families who have been apart for decades, and I don't even expect everyone to have happy ever afters. I do get thank yous from all and sundry that's for sure but in my eyes that is pretty pointless when there are great swathes of animosity or downright hatred. And then my mother puts me on the spot on the telephone demanding that I be loyal to her and refuse to have anything to do with one particular person. Of course it isn't as simple as that and her arguments are quite compelling in her eyes. When she raised her voice to me on the telephone, but I managed to keep mine down and tell her that this call should end, she seemed to forget she is my guest tomorrow (later on today!). The stupid cow then went into "oh you're so busy you must put your feet up mode" when I know she just wants to stick knives in me but is keeping her options open on a darned good nosh-up at our place.
I don't suppose it is anything personal. I am such an enigma to her. A blinking happy one who makes friends even with family members. Quelle horreur!
Maybe I managed to keep up a front to her on the phone but as soon as the phone went down I swore then burst into tears. Mr Doris tried to calm me and I fell asleep on the sofa and slept it off for a couple of hours. But since I've woken again I am depressed. Then there are other members of the family in almost a love-hate relationship. A lot of the time there is fantastic stuff going on but other times, just enough times, I feel vulnerable. Like as if there are machinations going on behind my back as if people don't believe I can be so altruistic. As if I am waiting for the elderly bachelor uncle to pop his clogs and release his Will. I can see why he disappeared for forty years, I've been thinking that isn't such a bad idea and quite appealing. Let them get on with it. But then I'm feeling depressed and as Scarlet O'Hara says in "Gone with the Wind" ....tomorrow is another day.
5 Comments:
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It has ended up that the only sleep I have had was that
nap last night. I just received a bright and breezy email from my mother
showering praise upon me for some small other thing and waving tirar
until later.
I've been productive and we have the cleanest bathrooms plus I did loads of work - that stuff that pays money. But I am still miserable and upset and liable to hit someone. And I am not even hormonal!
I think I might "resign". I don't need this stress. The superwoman nicks can go back in the case. I've had enough!
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I think it was in the 90s there was a book about our
'difficult person' in life. It's like a toxic person to us & it
sounds like your mom fits that bill.
I know exactly how you feel, I can't put it into words, but I've been on track with things then someone says something rude or hurtful & it's like your spirit has been wounded. How do you fake that everythings okay?
But you've got the heart of a survivor & from what I know of you, the more someone pushes you down, the stronger you'll be when you get up.
I hope you got a rest & ended up having a pleasant evening.
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This happens to me when my in-laws announce a visit,
always last minute. They despise me for smoking and as I am not blood
(unlike husband and kids) I get left out of all the photos, the hello
& goodbye kisses, the videos. I am dealt with politely enough, but
husband's mum was the role model for Mrs Bucket, so I end up up all
night getting things respectable, so the rest of the family are bright
eyed and bushy tailed while I am red eyed and spend most of the visit
voluntarily exiled to the back garden, chain smoking.
On the other hand, I don't have my house used as the ground for delicate peace treaties.
Maybe you are better off, too tired to give a hoot whether they kill each other?
At least its done. Can't wait for you to resurface and let us know if you murdered any of them on the day. I am sure you could have pleaded extreme provocation and got away with it.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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I wouldn't scrub the bathroom in the middle of the night even if the Queen was popping in.
I might scrub it down after she had left.
Mind you, if the Queen pops in you get a special roll of toilet paper with little roses on each sheet, or you used to. They leave what's left, after a lady in waiting has tested it, as a memento.
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I wish I could feel motivated enough to clean up the house... but not if it means family is coming to visit!
Oh, Doris. Family is HARD.
Thursday, 9 March 2006
Birdsong
For the first time in as long as I can remember I was awoken by birdsong. We are next to a park and the tall trees brush near our roof. Maybe it is the time of the day, or maybe that the weather is not quite so cold, or the season? I am not sure what governs it but it was rather peaceful to come out of sleep to the chorus that I lay there awhile, just listening.
Original Comments:
Original Comments:
- Cheryl said...
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Wow, spring is officially here?
How lovely for you - I miss birdsong, it very rare here - the only noise that breaks the monotony of seagulls squawking is crows doing pretty much the same..... - Ally said...
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Its' very rare here, too - but there have been doves calling the last few mornings. I think the year is on the turn. Yay!
- Z said...
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Always awaken to bird song :) Or sometimes lamb song.
- ella m. said...
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~is now jealous that you live next to a park :D ~
- Pookie65 said...
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I love hearing the birds singing. Their melody is unlike no other and is ever changing. I am fortunate to be able to hear their song nearly every day.
It's these small, free joys that make life so worth living.
Many hugs, dear. - Le laquet said...
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Yes, lots of birds yesterday and did you notice how warm it was too, a gorgeous day 'cept for the drive home down the delightful A2 in the rain .... but then Kent has a drought so I'm sure it'll come in handy!
- Neutron said...
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Ah...the dawn chorus, thanks for that Doris. How the sound of larks reminds me of my student days...walking home to the sound of the birds chirrupping...evryone is on about spring at the moment and it's driving me crazy!! (For the reason see my blog and what Munich is putting on for a spring show!)
- Helen said...
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Hm.......I went off to work this morning as I was walking down the stairs I was so delighted to hear birds singing. Spring is hopefully on it's way.
Peace..................
Say No to GMO'S - Anji said...
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At last!
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As for your car, my gosh, it sure does sound like the flat tire was indeed a blessing, considering what could have been.
I can only imagine how shaken up you must've been with a flashback of your prior accident.
I'm just glad you are safe.
And hugs.
Last week I took our car in for regular check-up and a tire new just last Fall was found to be defective and was replaced under warrantee.
My grandma always said 'everything happens for a reason in God's time' and I am learning she was right.
Still, you're OK...
I have a theory that everybody has in their life a certain number of incidents like this predestined. If they turn out to be benign and you walk away like this, then you're doing OK.
Hugs, tho...
I am so glad that you were o.k. Doris and like you said it happened for a reason.
Take care of yourself sweetie.
xoxo
We have just witnessed the eclipse from here in Cyprus, which although not quite total was very impressive! Touch wood it hasn't affected us in terms of any accidents yet but I have heard stories in the past connecting eclipses and a heightened chance of accidents.
Here I'd been anticipating the Cheryl March 29th switch date to happier events. But it usually takes some sort of shake-up, doesn't it? To awaken out of the old, and prepare for the new.
Glad I stopped in today.
We shall be careful around here.