Tuesday, 24 January 2006

Deck of cards in Wonderland

This post re-published December 2012

Things became distorted in the story "Alice in Wonderland". Things became large or small and did so before your very eyes. To the extent that I have read somewhere it is likened to the symptoms of some migraines and I know that my vision has been distorted and I've looked at my hands or body and they were "not of me" and felt larger or smaller in relation to the surroundings.

My life is like a deck of cards. Lots of events represented by each card. Sometimes the cards are reasonably neat and in a reasonable order in a pile. At the moment my deck of cards are spread out in front of me and they keep stretching and compacting. The last few are juggling round in order but these are minor but still a kind of a Eureka moment. "Oh, so that is why" or "so that happened just before that".

So much happened in my life in such short periods of time. I hadn't quite grasped that. Maybe it was more comfortable to spread it out in my mind but it explains why my younger life was quite so difficult.

And then there are days like the last few. For example I wrote my last blog on Sunday morning but by Sunday evening because so much ground was covered (or uncovered) I was sure it was a couple of days before.

I haven't responded to all the lovely words of encouragement, support and congratulations in my last post. I'm afraid I barely step out of my own blog these days and even barely step into it either. But I have been receiving the emails of comments. Thank you it has meant a lot and touched me.

So much to do - so many relatives to pass information and photographs and facilitate their own points of contact. It is truly wonderful, happy and emotional stuff. And so many people grieving for a death some 34 years ago and especially the immediate family who perhaps never grieved properly at the time and are now sharing.

So much healing.

And me too :-)


ella m. said...
I'm glad to hear that despite everything you and your family have been through, you all have still found enough hope to love and to start to heal old wounds. :hugs: Hope everything continues on such a positive path.
doris said...
Thanks Ella!

Each day brings something new in the email and each day brings a tear over something but mainly happiness.

And each day is so darned packed writing to this or that person, or speaking on the phone for an hour or so and tip-toing over the sensitivities.

But it is all positive stuff!
Pookie65 said...
Oh Doris, I'm at a loss for words. I read your past few entries and am just speechless.

You are an amazing woman with a wonderful husband and children. Add to this your ability to go forward given so many ugly things in the past and end up so happy. That just speaks volumes about your strength and enthusiasm for life.

God love you, hon. I am just honored to be able to call someone liek you my friend.
mrshellonheels said...
Writer Mom said...
Sadness, respect, hugs, and love.
Badaunt said...
It sounds like you are regaining an entire extended family, and a past. How exciting - and frightening. You are brave.

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