The Dinner Thing

The last week my delightful ten year old niece was telling me about the mini Easter plays taking place each assembly at her primary school. Wittering on she told me quite casually about "The Dinner Thing" which took me a few moments to realise she meant "The Last Supper". I'd never thought of that particular event as a dinner or a human meal as such, and rather, just about the impending betrayal. Nothing like saying it as it is and pointing out the obvious.

The Dinner Thing (1495-1498) by Leonardo da Vinci

It is a glorious Friday here with the sun pouring in the windows from early on. It has been like a divine light that has lit up my soul and made me want to sing, and I have. I'm not rushing off anywhere and I feel in charge .... I can decide to do this or that or nothing at all. Perhaps I have crossed another threshold in my life and now that I am finally here I can throw open the windows and let the light in.

All those darling people in my life, near and far, know that you have helped and I am beaming back to you mega energy, love and light. :-)

God to Panini

Gallery of Views of Modern Rome (1758, Louvre, 231 x 303 cm)
Giovanni Paolo Panini 1691-1765

God:
Panini! Calling Panini. Panini to reception please!


Panini:
Sure you want me?


God:
Panini! Giovanni Paolo Panini ... Italian artist born 1691 died 1765. Yes, you!


Panini:
Oooo-er (as he shuffles to reception)


God:
You painted Modern Views of Rome about 1758 .... ten foot wide by about seven and half foot high. You also did one called Ancient Views of Rome.


Panini:
Yeeeeessss?


God:
Well, that Doris Mash saw your paintings at the Louvre a couple of years ago and was mightily impressed with all those works of art within a work of art.


Panini:
I was rather pleased with it myself and the whole concept of creating a painting that does the grand tour without having to actually do the grand tour. Cutting edge it was. Anyway, so they finally found a use for that old Louvre palace. Bit of a wreck last time I saw it and there was talk of a gallery sometime.


God:
Yes, well, it seems Doris needs your advice.


Panini:
Eh?


God:
Recently reminded of her love of your painting she remembered that tucked away in a cupboard was a jigsaw which Mr Doris gave her a couple of years ago ....


Panini:
Wait a moment! A jigsaw? What is a jigsaw?


God:
A jigsaw is a picture that has been cut into small odd shape pieces so that it can be reassembled.


Panini:
Whoah .... you mean someone cut my painting into pieces? I mean, I'm honoured my painting is still around and has been appreciated but to cut it up?


God:
No, of course it is safe. In this case a jigsaw has been made from a copy of the painting.


Panini:
You mean just like the young artists in my painting who are painting copies of the paintings? Someone has painted a copy and that has been cut up?


God:
Oh dear, let's not make this too long. Listen.... it is now the 21st century and it is possible to take an instant copy of almost anything, a picture, and to print it onto almost anything. In this case it has been put onto thin card and cut into a jigsaw.


Panini:
So you are saying that instead of getting out there and painting one's own pictures one can just put together a jigsaw.


God:
Indeed. It is one of my frustrations that humans find all these diversions and "things" to do rather than learn the great arts and crafts. But I digress.


Panini:
So how can I help?


God:
This particular jigsaw has 5000 pieces and when finished will be five foot wide by about thirty nine inches high. She was wondering, since you must be intimate with the painting, if you had any tips about how to tackle it. She's pretty much done the outside edges, except for one piece.


Panini:
Hmmm. Hmmm. Hmmmm.


God:
Yes?


Panini:
People! I'd go for assembling the people first. They are distinctive aspect of the whole. Lots of small aspects.


God:
Just a moment .... just listening in to Doris' thoughts. She is wondering whether you mean the people in the foreground, the people in the paintings, the people in the painted friezes, the people in the statues or the people in the carved wall friezes?


Panini:
Errr all of them I suppose. It would be too hard to separate them. But wouldn't it be easier and quicker for her to learn to paint?


God:
Possibly. But this human seems to have some sort of bloody-mindedness about her which could be called determination though she does worry if maybe she has some streaks of hereditary malfunction.


Panini:
And just where does a person carry out this occupation? Painting the original was hard enough and required ladders and scaffolds in a studio. My assistants were very helpful.


God:
It seems that Mrs Mash has only just realised that since her eldest moved out they have the top floor of the house and two rooms in which to work.


Panini:
My goodness. And what would happen if one of these tiny pieces should be lost?


God:
Ha-ha! That would be my revenge to these silly humans to not tell her that the edge piece she has not yet found was never actually there!

Falling off wagons

Last night was my first red wine in, now what seems like, ages. A bottle that was given to us and kept winking at me. I kept thinking about it and in the end I thought this is stupid, I am not going to make a big deal out of it. So I brought along bottle and glass to dinner with Mr Doris and explained my actions. He said moderation was the key.

Later when again he heard the chink of bottle against glass he looked at me with a smirk and eyes that said what about the old moderation. Thinking of my whitening teeth I reckoned if I polished off the wine in two sittings then it'd be gone, and not too much wear on my teeth. Same idea for kids and sweets - far better to have a load of sweets in one go and then brush the teeth than continual sweet sucking.

A few jolly phone calls later and I dread to go back this morning and see what is left in the bottle. I ended up spewing into a convenient plastic lined waste paper bucket with Mr Doris bravely stroking my back. The whole thing is disgusting. And what is as bad is that I was in no fit state to brush my teeth before bed so that stuffed the whole idea of drinking more and brushing afterwards.

Well, I'm brushed now and head feeling sore. And feeling dumb. And thinking of the lessons learned.

Doris OS Version 2.0.0.8

Suggestions and snippets of advice have come from all quarters which I have not been too proud to listen to, accept or act upon. In fact I have listened carefully to all sorts and am grateful that the universe saw fit to inspire a number of people to say or offer all the right triggers. This has happened in the past but maybe not quite as fulsomely as recently, but perhaps that was because I was in the just the right place in my head.

This last weekend I had the therapy I said I was going for, that coincidently was booked in before the whole Aspergers thing arose. My session with a brilliant Kinesiologist was, as ever, just amazing. This form of kinesiology requires four years study in Professional Kinesiology Practice and is not the same as some forms of kinesiology which are usefully tacked onto other therapies. Kinesiology uses muscle testing to detect and correct imbalances in the body's energy which then relate to pain and injury etc and emotional imbalances. Perfect for me and my emotional system.

This was a longer session than usual and was maybe one and a half hours but what a difference that makes to me. (Compared to the same time vegging in front of the telly.) I had the idea that I wanted to upgrade or re-install a new Operating System (OS) into me! To supplant the one I have from my childhood which has so many negative ways of operating. For example: my mother has an upset and I knee jerk into thinking I must help fix her or feel attacked by her; or that I am so unnecessarily down on myself. Whereas I have had enough experiences and feelings in my life to have a rich and worthwhile way of operating that I don't need the negative stuff. With the kinesiology one works in the positive so instead of saying all the negatives I want changing my brilliant Kinesiologist helped me find the perfect words for me to describe what I wanted:

"My choices and behaviour are connected to my Higher Self and enable me to create a life of love, joy, good health and prosperity."

So that's it, I have my new operating system. [Edit! It wasn't just stating a goal that did it, but it sure helped. There was quite a bit of work done during the session to get to the point at the end that it was done.] I also had three pieces of homework. One of which involved saying something specific to my mother on the telephone. Until we knew what it was I was terrified it would be something I couldn't handle or would be too confrontational but it wasn't. That really surprised me and didn't seem so insurmountable. The sort of thing that could arise anyway and one I should respond to in this way. And suddenly, I feel free of any idea of seeking any sort of acknowledgment of the past from my parents. It just isn't relevant.

Part of my balance included a mini balance around money. Apparently (and not surprisingly really) money just stresses me out. Receiving it, giving it and just seeing it. And part and parcel of all that was such a low impression of myself that I found it impossible at first to say the following statement,

"I, _____ _____, love and honour whatever I create"

Just couldn't get the words out and bawled my eyes at the thought and as I was finally saying it. However, I could easily enough say the reverse of the statement so that thought pattern had to be reversed, and with a few exercises it was restored to the rightful way. Such that I can sit here and say it out loud without wavering. During the mini money balance I had a massive realisation that money was such a screwed up issue in my childhood I was held back from earning a decent amount because I was unable to spend it without stress. After all, why earn it if I am not free to spend it?! Doh!

So what else is new? Instead of focussing my energy on breaking the family cycle of being estranged from ones parents (at least three generations in both my parents) I now focus my energy on enjoying the wonderful relationships I have with my kids. It doesn't sound like much but is a huge shift that makes my children the important ones and not about running around my mother's whims.

In other areas I have been exercising again almost daily for the past couple of weeks. Starting off small using my air walker I am comfortably up to 12 minutes continuous activity. Though I can walk for miles this does involve more energy. I haven't drunk any red wine (my tipple of choice) for the past couple of weeks. Two reasons for this, one was to salvage a few of my brain cells which I was regularly annihilating into slumber and the other reason was get the stains off my teeth. And that is another physical thing I have been working on - to get some sort of whiteness back into my teeth (such as the tetracycline staining allows) and to try and salvage my receding gums. For the teeth whitening I am using Pearl Drops Replenishing White toothpolish with liquid calcium and for the gums I am using Gengigel mouthrinse which contains hyaluronan. Internet research suggests that hyaluronon aids the natural healing process of the gums .... although there are no claims on the side of the box that it can help receding gums to regrow. It is a very strange heavy liquid that one has to keep swilling in your mouth for one to two minutes. Not unpleasant, quite pricy as I estimate the £7.50 150 ml bottle at 10 mls per session times 3 to 4 swills per day will last a week at most, but is well worth the trying. I'll report back in due course.

Yesterday, I even ended up at the dentist which is not my favourite place at all. But son needed minor dental treatment and to get him in as a National Health patient at a recommended private dentist required that I submit to the pleasures. I had wanted to get my teeth whiter and into a better state before any dental visit but that's the way. Turns out my teeth are very good hygiene wise and if anything I am brushing too hard. The dentist heard of Gengigel but seemed to not want to comment on it and was noncommittal about my gums too but it doesn't take a trained dentist to see that more tooth is being revealed than ought to be.

I'm still keeping my desk area clear. And did I say that after my big car clear out the other week that the car promptly broke down - with an existing electrical fault we had been nursemaiding - and needed garaging and a large repair bill? But it's fixed now so that is good. In the meantime, I had the privilege to hire a car that was absolutely brand new with only 4 miles on the clock. After all my driving this last week I shall be returning it with an impressive 500+ miles on the clock. Which I think is a lot for little ole England.

Onwards and upwards with my new OS :-)