Wednesday, 27 February 2008

The Value of Pain and Struggle

The last couple of days I have been on fast forward. Like a sponge soaking up as much information as I can find online about adults and parents with Aspergers. Like I am a large 33rpm album with so much information being played at 78rpm. There is an end, or rather a resolve, to the research and the process of my pain and struggle and I am whizzing towards it. Yes, I might have ambitious ideas about resolving but I am determined I am not going to sit here wallowing for the next few years. My life is getting on and I want it to be my life and not one with the shadows of the past looming over.

Realising for sure that my mother is Aspergers doesn't take away the pain she inflicted upon me because I do not believe it was the Aspergers that did it. Though the Aspergers adds to the mix that made her her, and is clearly the person she is now, because on the whole, she can not get away with what she did to us as children. So I have two issues. One is me and processing the anger I now acknowledge I have (and quite rightly so because I did not imagine what happened) and the other issue is learning to understand the Aspergers and being able to manage the fall out from my mother's behaviour from now on.

With regards me, I am talking to friends and family; sharing; and getting some therapy this weekend that might just make a fundamental difference.

With regards to my mother I am still trying to understand the Aspergers. What gets me, is that one of my mother's current special interests is in a particular alternative therapy she "practises". I was wondering how does giving such a "hands on" therapy fit with someone with Aspergers so I did a google for the therapy name and Aspergers. Three million pages (I exaggerate!) into google and I find a discussion forum on some sort of politics where someone explains a bit about themselves including my two keywords. I am hoping I might drop them an email to see if I can chew over some thoughts privately with them so a quick flick to their profile and I find a link to a website that just blows me away!

The Nibiruan Council was not what I was expecting to find when it starts off with "Welcome to the official website of the Nibiruan Council, a multidimensional off-world council whose members are connected to the planet Nibiru." I am really not making fun of it, but I am kind of shocked. After all, like a lot of other things, I have never heard of the planet Nubiru and it puts me in mind of a certain make of car: Daewoo Nubira! Anyway, I am fascinated and once I put my jaw socket back into place I continue exploring, though I didn't find the person I was looking for and if I did am not sure I can embark on the conversation I had in mind.

Their leader, Jelaila Starr is the Nibiruan Councils’ messenger and channel, has produced a number of videos on youtube. If one can put aside any of the more way out aspects such as the end of the world (as we know it) in 2012 and the ascension ideas, they contain a lot of good stuff for living life. Really good. And most pertinent to me at this time was the first video I watched:

The Value of Pain and Struggle


Josephine said...

Wow...well honey, I see you as a Starseed well on your way

Yes the video is good...but the rest of it? The outlook of the Nibiruan Council looks pretty cool, but why do people need to construct this whole Way Beyond Star Trek style fantasy around a whole bunch of basic moral principles which you could lift out of Christianity or Buddhism? I just find it bizarre. Not condemning them...each to their own...but this is the most elaborate detailed piece of craziness I have seen for a long long time!

I do however wanna be a Feline! They look fun. Or an Orb.

Doris said...

But is it a fantasy? Especially if it is their reality!

But otherwise, I am with you too about the moral principles and it could be around anything.

Feline? Wheredya see that?! I obviously didn't get that far into the Nubirians.


Josephine said...

Well, as a 'fantasist' myself according to some I know I shouldn't throw stones...

But it boils down to this.

Is the Earth flat or round? Which is it?

Does the fact that for as few people it is flat, and that is their reality, make it true? Really true?

This planet doesn't exist. The Galactic wotsits don't exist. The whole thing is like the Branch Davidians and all those guys who went to live on Comet Hale Bopp.

Does that mean that they shouldn't believe these things? No. It's up to them, and if they have something interesting and insightful to say, then I'll listen. But, objectively, the rest IS nonsense.