Friday, 3 June 2011

Counselling Treasures

These are from yesterday's session and if I don't write them down I may be scratching my head trying to remember them and at this stage I think they are well worth remembering or giving a try. And in no particular order:

  • Time in itself is not the healer and you do need time. It is barely three weeks since the funeral and I seem to be expecting everything to be fixed and Rome to have been built, interior designed, decorated and fully functioning. Der!
  • Change the "but" to "and". The subject of "but" came up in terms of negating or undermining, and I reflected how I had recently noticed I used "but" far too often in my writings. It was suggested I just simply change the "but" to "and" and see what happens.
  • It takes four positives to counter-act each negative. I sort of knew that as an idea and not as a specific calculation and somehow that makes it workable. It accounts for so much now in the way I still find it hard to accept positives about myself because I am still in deficit. This gives me hope as I know the power balance WILL shift.
  • It is a jigsaw I am still trying to work out or make some sense and that is OK. The glorious picture show I have created (not yet mentioned here on the blog) is of the wonderful, perfect mother I wanted, and that we all want and there is nothing wrong in that. The picture show is like the finished picture on the jigsaw box and I have still to sort out the pieces. And that is OK too.
  • A person who had such a big impact in life will continue to have a big impact in death. At least for a while longer.
  • Perhaps the things that are failing in my life are because I shouldn't be doing them in that way. Instead of beating myself up about my failings, acknowledge it is just not the way for me. Modern life is so stressful and we think we must do it this way and maybe there are different ways that are better for each of us.

We still talked a great deal about death; how the mind and the body are considered differently when they are interrelated; and quite a bit more. It was a good hour and I am back again next week on a weekly cycle for the moment.

"But" count = 3 found and exterminated!


Anji said...

Keep soldering on. Thank you for sharing these.

I did wonder where the 'buts' had got to.

biddy.chambers said...

Hello again,
Just found your posts re your mum's illness & death, after sending mine re my mum's aspergers. My comments seem relatively trivial now & I'm sorry for the timing of them.
Hugs to you; hope your holiday has been all that you wanted.

Doris said...

Hi Biddy - it is no worry about the timing of your comments on that Aspergers Parents item. You were not to know, and that is how it works online when we access one page when something new has cropped up near the "home" page. The madness is still what is about when mum was alive and still features now even now in her absence. Such is the legacy. Thank goodness for the counselling eh?! I am just a few years behind you and wonder why those events of decades ago still have such an impact. And how much do you tend to minimalise what happened. I know I certainly do on occasion and in day to day life. At some point I'll update those Asperger parents items.

Hi Anji :-) Yeah - those "buts" where just a tad profuse. Every sentence even and I had become aware of it.