Doris OS Version 2.0.0.8

Suggestions and snippets of advice have come from all quarters which I have not been too proud to listen to, accept or act upon. In fact I have listened carefully to all sorts and am grateful that the universe saw fit to inspire a number of people to say or offer all the right triggers. This has happened in the past but maybe not quite as fulsomely as recently, but perhaps that was because I was in the just the right place in my head.

This last weekend I had the therapy I said I was going for, that coincidently was booked in before the whole Aspergers thing arose. My session with a brilliant Kinesiologist was, as ever, just amazing. This form of kinesiology requires four years study in Professional Kinesiology Practice and is not the same as some forms of kinesiology which are usefully tacked onto other therapies. Kinesiology uses muscle testing to detect and correct imbalances in the body's energy which then relate to pain and injury etc and emotional imbalances. Perfect for me and my emotional system.

This was a longer session than usual and was maybe one and a half hours but what a difference that makes to me. (Compared to the same time vegging in front of the telly.) I had the idea that I wanted to upgrade or re-install a new Operating System (OS) into me! To supplant the one I have from my childhood which has so many negative ways of operating. For example: my mother has an upset and I knee jerk into thinking I must help fix her or feel attacked by her; or that I am so unnecessarily down on myself. Whereas I have had enough experiences and feelings in my life to have a rich and worthwhile way of operating that I don't need the negative stuff. With the kinesiology one works in the positive so instead of saying all the negatives I want changing my brilliant Kinesiologist helped me find the perfect words for me to describe what I wanted:

"My choices and behaviour are connected to my Higher Self and enable me to create a life of love, joy, good health and prosperity."

So that's it, I have my new operating system. [Edit! It wasn't just stating a goal that did it, but it sure helped. There was quite a bit of work done during the session to get to the point at the end that it was done.] I also had three pieces of homework. One of which involved saying something specific to my mother on the telephone. Until we knew what it was I was terrified it would be something I couldn't handle or would be too confrontational but it wasn't. That really surprised me and didn't seem so insurmountable. The sort of thing that could arise anyway and one I should respond to in this way. And suddenly, I feel free of any idea of seeking any sort of acknowledgment of the past from my parents. It just isn't relevant.

Part of my balance included a mini balance around money. Apparently (and not surprisingly really) money just stresses me out. Receiving it, giving it and just seeing it. And part and parcel of all that was such a low impression of myself that I found it impossible at first to say the following statement,

"I, _____ _____, love and honour whatever I create"

Just couldn't get the words out and bawled my eyes at the thought and as I was finally saying it. However, I could easily enough say the reverse of the statement so that thought pattern had to be reversed, and with a few exercises it was restored to the rightful way. Such that I can sit here and say it out loud without wavering. During the mini money balance I had a massive realisation that money was such a screwed up issue in my childhood I was held back from earning a decent amount because I was unable to spend it without stress. After all, why earn it if I am not free to spend it?! Doh!

So what else is new? Instead of focussing my energy on breaking the family cycle of being estranged from ones parents (at least three generations in both my parents) I now focus my energy on enjoying the wonderful relationships I have with my kids. It doesn't sound like much but is a huge shift that makes my children the important ones and not about running around my mother's whims.

In other areas I have been exercising again almost daily for the past couple of weeks. Starting off small using my air walker I am comfortably up to 12 minutes continuous activity. Though I can walk for miles this does involve more energy. I haven't drunk any red wine (my tipple of choice) for the past couple of weeks. Two reasons for this, one was to salvage a few of my brain cells which I was regularly annihilating into slumber and the other reason was get the stains off my teeth. And that is another physical thing I have been working on - to get some sort of whiteness back into my teeth (such as the tetracycline staining allows) and to try and salvage my receding gums. For the teeth whitening I am using Pearl Drops Replenishing White toothpolish with liquid calcium and for the gums I am using Gengigel mouthrinse which contains hyaluronan. Internet research suggests that hyaluronon aids the natural healing process of the gums .... although there are no claims on the side of the box that it can help receding gums to regrow. It is a very strange heavy liquid that one has to keep swilling in your mouth for one to two minutes. Not unpleasant, quite pricy as I estimate the £7.50 150 ml bottle at 10 mls per session times 3 to 4 swills per day will last a week at most, but is well worth the trying. I'll report back in due course.

Yesterday, I even ended up at the dentist which is not my favourite place at all. But son needed minor dental treatment and to get him in as a National Health patient at a recommended private dentist required that I submit to the pleasures. I had wanted to get my teeth whiter and into a better state before any dental visit but that's the way. Turns out my teeth are very good hygiene wise and if anything I am brushing too hard. The dentist heard of Gengigel but seemed to not want to comment on it and was noncommittal about my gums too but it doesn't take a trained dentist to see that more tooth is being revealed than ought to be.

I'm still keeping my desk area clear. And did I say that after my big car clear out the other week that the car promptly broke down - with an existing electrical fault we had been nursemaiding - and needed garaging and a large repair bill? But it's fixed now so that is good. In the meantime, I had the privilege to hire a car that was absolutely brand new with only 4 miles on the clock. After all my driving this last week I shall be returning it with an impressive 500+ miles on the clock. Which I think is a lot for little ole England.

Onwards and upwards with my new OS :-)