Blogging, Life and the Universe

Once upon a time we were wedded to our blogs. Followed others with great passion from the safety of anonymous keyboards though with a genuine sense of care and affection. Then we move on and what happens to those bloggers, what happened to me?

At least two of those bloggers have passed on, one I knew in real life. My children are adults and live independently. Mr Doris and I celebrate 20 years with a renewed vigour that has taken some determination and effort. Friendships have evolved and careers have taken extraordinary changes. My father has a mixed dementia and after a year of intensive support we admitted him to a care home for his safety. Sometimes he is completely with it and shouldn't be in a care home and sometimes he is on another planet. He found a new woman to love, she too has dementia. He has never smiled and laughed as much as he did this past year, but they are now in different care homes because society can not cope as they may want to sleep in the same bed and cuddle.

Emotionally I am in the best place I have ever been. I now work for myself, in my own treatment room at home doing things the way I want. I've expanded my offerings and with ease go from doing a beauty treatment to sessions of therapy using EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) or tapping. A variation of tapping: Matrix Reimprinting, has been really significant to me rewriting traumatic events from my childhood so that I am able to move on and feel as if I had the nourishment I should have had back then. Writing this blog was cathartic in its day and helped along with the other learnings along the way of life, but it has been the tapping which has been significant. Now I get to work with others and help them too with this incredible therapy.

In the past years Mr Doris and I have travelled, with significant travels and lots of little travels this year. In the past year Mr Doris has studied and changed career. With just a few years off 60 I'll go with him to his graduation in a few weeks. I thought I did well to change career in my late 40s but it seems we are never too old to learn new tricks.

The sun has been shining in the UK for a sustained period of time. How lovely it has been to not have to wear many clothes!

And then there is Facebook. I got into it late, embraced it and now have a problem with it. The less I do social media the happier I am. I clearly still have issues to work with and whilst I appreciate being able to know friends and family are alive and well, there is a point where I value my privacy and don't wish X who I met once upon a time to know what I commented on such and such post. Then we either get the "everything is fabulous, I am fabulous" posts or the "woe is me, you don't understand" posts. That is unfair of me I know, because there are really good bits and snippets and information and I love seeing baby pictures. So I relate this back to the blogging years and how Facebook feels in comparison. Blogging was more sedate and, for me, could be done almost anonymously. I liked that, a safe place to consider, ponder and share.

PS. Oh yes, and thirteen years to the month since I first blogged. I was late to blogging too!

Looking forward to 2014

Looking forward to 2014 requires reflection on the year that was. 2013 will forever be one of those significant years in my life. Not one of those years where the memory of it turns to mush in an oblivion of the same old tunes.

First and foremost this is a year about life and living and making the most and new possibilities and ever evolving. Ironically it took the death of a very close friend which was very painful and far too soon. When someone is given the diagnosis and prognosis it is hard to believe so that it is still a shock when it does happen. I still find it very hard to believe she is really gone and never coming back. Death seems so final, and yet there is something lasting in the memory that holds us close. That I can still talk to her in my head, and that, more importantly, she is talking back to me.

I can see her now, being tickled by what I have done and achieved this year.

The wheels have been in action for some years regarding selling our house and that completed at the end of January. Even though we sold at a loss I thought we would be rolling in it as a result of clearing our debts with the proceeds but curiously that has not been the end result which just goes to show how pathetic our income is and has been, though over the course of this year it has improved. I thought I would feel more with our debts being cleared though to be fair all that was rather overshadowed by my friend dying.

The beginning of the year saw my 50th birthday and a celebration. Not the really big event and dance I was originally planning but nevertheless a heartwarming and significant celebration of my landmark year. The beginning of the year also saw another friend and I commit to monthly outings to places one of us had never been and always wanted to go. We kept it up throughout the entire year and it has enriched my life feeling like I have done things and gone places. Unlike some years when one reflects on all the places one could have gone to but didn't, this feels like an achievement.

The early part of the year saw me making bread, something I had never done before, and here I was doing it really well. Creating and baking and putting the food of life on the table felt significant and enriching.

The spring time saw me take to running. Again, something I had never in my life managed before and certainly had no desire. Suddenly I could run for an hour and not need to stop nor be out of breath. Never mind the good feeling hormones that produces there is something in the psychology of feeling strong and who knows what else I might be capable of doing. In time the bread baking took a bit of a side step as there are just not enough hours in the day with fitting in work too. Those skills are not lost and I was thrilled to be able to whip up a Ciabatta on Christmas morning for our Antipasti starter.

Another thing that took a bit of a sideline this year was our allotment. Partly because it was so disappointing the few crops we produced for the amount of effort put in. Or perhaps it was a case of the preparation of the allotment gave me the greatest pleasure and we have lost our way a bit. Growing crops is such a learning curve and I wonder how much I really want to learn on that score.

We travelled to see old and loved friends in Germany and for the first time darling Mr Doris and I visited Berlin. A place I wanted to go since the 1980s and I was not disappointed. Driving a hire car past the landmarks of a great city felt like such an achievement.

At work I have been proving my worth and it was most satisfying in the day or so before Christmas to have my boss call me to one side and acknowledge what I do. Verbal appreciation does go a long way.

The kids are 24 and 19 years old and are way taller than me. They are also more appreciative. Not perfect or consistent by any means but a whole lot better. They are both making their own marks on the world and finding their way bit by bit which is really heartening.

My darling husband has held me close and yet enabled me to go and do all the things I've either needed or wanted to do this year. Sometimes I can see by the way he looks at me that he really appreciates me. We'll be coming up to fifteen years of being married in the year ahead which seems to me to be an anniversary worth celebrating.

I reckon 2014 will be a year of consolidation hopefully peppered with a few more new activities. One of which will be my returning to college one evening a week for sixteen weeks in order to extend my qualifications. Once again I will no doubt be the oldest girl in the beauty school and most likely older than the tutors again. Education always leads on to other things so who knows what may come of it.

Fingers crossed that my son is able to move out because he will be 20 and I do think he would benefit from the freedom of being in his own space. Yes, I know I will gain a room and we can spread out a bit which would also help a lot but it is more about what is right for him.

In 2014 I can see that our income is growing so that we are in a position to do more. I have cousins in Australia I have wanted to visit since being reunited in 2006 but I do not know if our finances are quite there yet.

There is a long run I would like to do which would entail me doing a whole lot more training. The run would take a number of days and involves running coast to coast. The idea excites me though equally I am happy to pace myself with that desire as I met someone who also took up running this year and already is out of running distances through permanent injury. I will be starting 2014 with my shoulder injury which is turning into a frozen shoulder - something that is not conducive to the busy working life that I have! Clearing that up will be significant too and blinking essential especially as I have not been running so as not to exacerbate it.

Here's to 2014 and all the unknown and yet to be discovered treasures of the year as well as consolidating all that 2013 has given.

24 hours

12.05am At supermarket in next town purchasing large turkey
01.15am Lying in bed trying to sleep but thinking over menus and recipes
05.10am Wake up feeling awake and refreshed finalising menu for Boxing day
07.55am Collect daughter and drive her to work
08.40am At local supermarket purchasing vegetables and other items for festive dinners
09.15am Home and sorting vegetables to store in boot of car
10.05am Showered, uniformed and on way to work - clients all day
06.40pm Leave work and head to two other supermarkets for bits and pieces
07.20pm Stop off at butcher on way home as it is still open but they do not have the cut I want
07.40pm Jog to other town butcher and find they are closed but open at 6am tomorrow
07.50pm Home to yummy spaghetti and meatballs cooked by son
08.30pm Intention to make the Christmas soup but watch a new production of Jane Eyre instead
10.20pm Consider how tired I might be and that cooking can wait
10.45pm Play a few overdue scrabble moves on four different games on phone app
11.00pm Read emails
11.10pm Write this blog post
11.15pm Consider again how tired I am and that perhaps I will go to bed early for a change

My favourite holiday decoration

This is it, my favourite holiday decoration that has come out every year for the past decade and a half. It is a Playmobil advent calendar originally sent to my children from Germany by a very close friend but at that time I felt the kids were just too young to respect the small bits so I kept it in storage. And then forgot about it. And then one day had the sublime pleasure of rediscovering it. The kids have never shown an interest in it but to me, it is the epitome of Christmas decorations. As each day passes I open the next box and place the contents onto the numbered area in the tableau to make Santa's workshop. The final two items to go out are the tea set that sits on the green box to the left of the stove and then a grandfather clock that goes just behind Santa who is sat at his desk with a book of the names and a feather pen in his hand. I know every item by heart and each year carefully pack it up to unwrap it again next year.

Sat next to Santa's workshop on our windowsill is another advent calender that is also a favourite. This calendar is a stylised depiction of Jesus' stable and each day a cut out of the various characters of the bible story are added with the last day, the 24th, the baby Jesus is placed in the manger.

In other news, currently another batch of meringues are baking as I had egg whites left over from making the crème patisserie which I discovered can be made in advance and frozen. The same with the bread sauce which is also now cooked and frozen. Several loads of washing have been done today and a partly successful shopping trip for food. An extra large turkey eludes me and normally I would have it bought by now. Luckily the shops will re-open at midnight so I will pop out then to the next town in search of one. I am working long hours back to back tomorrow so it suits me to do that tonight. Mad or what?!

UPDATE: 5.15am Monday I've slept well and woke up way before my alarm was due. I did that midnight trip along silent roads until I reached the mecca of bright lights hidden within the supermarket walls. People were silently arriving from all directions. I located a super large turkey and popped it into my extra large bag wondering if the secret camera operators might have thought I was going to try to shoplift the beast. Of course we do not have a refrigerator big enough so it is in a cold bag with frozen blocks until its big injection day on Tuesday and then long roast on Boxing Day. That's three days of trying to keep it chilled without any facilities nor garden shed.

Two more work days until Christmas

Saturday is not normally a work day for me but here I am, covering for someone today. On the way I shall pick up the apprentice at 8.40am for a 9am start. As no-one really clocked that I was in today I have a very quiet schedule so I am hoping that maybe I can wangle a small treatment for myself. That would be a treat.

Whereas Monday is just ridiculous with almost every moment from 10.30am through to 6.30pm back to back with clients squeezing in. Thank goodness I pencilled in a 20 minute break to rest my arms after one huge block of intensive work otherwise I am sure there would have been no hesitation to fill it all.There are no lunch breaks, no tea breaks. Nothing. We've become a spineless nation with no employment rights any more.

The apprentice I am picking up used to be one big pain in the backside and detrimental to the business that all us staff wondered what our boss was up to. Our boss can be really hard and strict at times with us on the one hand and yet on the other a real sweetie. She is the sort that takes in stray dogs and wants to nurture the broken and wounded. The thing is, business is business and you have to protect it. I don't think any of us regular staff could understand the battering she has allowed the business to take with an apprentice who could be surly and slap dash and unreliable but probably worst of all, seemingly confident with wrong information to clients about matters outside of her knowledge base or remit. Or perhaps the unreliable was the worst when a client came for their treatments and we had to turn them away because the apprentice had not come in once again.

To be fair, this apprentice has great potential. I've experienced a lot of trainees during my training and not many have "the touch". A nice firm touch during a facial is essential and she has it when she can be bothered.

Several final warnings later and then finally notice to quit, the apprentice has finally pulled her socks up. She is now a joy to have around and beginning to be a real asset. For some reason she likes to work with me, or at least she says she does! I keep her occupied when I can and she knows I do the dirty jobs too. I share things I have learnt and I have no hesitation to ask her to do something such as make me a cuppa which is a big thing for me. I do not ask anyone for anything unless I feel secure asking. What is more, on those days when I am back to back and she isn't, she will help me by bringing cuppas and cleaning up. When apprentices are busy with clients and I am not I will assist them so I tend to be egalitarian on that score.

What I have discovered from this apprentice is how she did not originally want to do this job nor career and now she does and that, with the notice to quit, has helped her to change her mind and to apply herself. The other apprentice originally started off well, seemingly so in stark contrast to the first apprentice, and is now a different sort of nightmare. I know she clearly resents the whole idea of an apprenticeship and working for little money in the way young people think the world owes them a living.

My son was once an apprentice but he never gave me that impression but I think he was a nightmare with one employer who finally had to let him go. And now I know of someone else becoming an apprentice. Something I think I have realised that is inherent in apprentices is that it was never their first choice so they are always going to be dissatisfied. Employers see apprentices as a cheap work option, even my lovely boss although she has stayed more than the distance and provides lots of opportunities and specialist training. There is so much commitment to having an apprentice and it is no easy option.

I never thought I'd say this but such a pity our first apprentice is not in at work with me on Monday as I really could do with her support.

Feeling sorry for myself

It is past the middle of the night and I have balanced frozen peas and then hot cherry stones on my left shoulder; eaten Weetabix and four ibuprofen; drank a cup of tea; emailed a friend; and checked out a few blogs. Thank goodness I slept for a few hours in the evening.

At 8am I will phone the GP and try to get an emergency appointment for stronger anti-inflammatory and possibly even pain relief for my ongoing shoulder injury. This is what the osteopath had suggested for me last week if conditions worsened in the next seven to 10 days. All seemed to be settling down at first until the searing pain I had on Saturday night and then yesterday at work. Something happened, almost quite comical and a bit of a chain reaction that caused my body to jerk which felt like my shoulder was ripped. I went into immediate spasms and burst into tears in front of a client. So not a nice thing to do at all during the middle of their treatment. What I really wanted to do was to lay on the floor and have a tantrum but that is not my style so I pulled myself together whilst trying to reassure my client who knew nothing about my shoulder injury, and then completed her treatment. Thank goodness another client had re-arranged her appointment at the last minute so I knew I did not have the hours of back to back clients originally scheduled.

I have induction at college this Thursday evening for a course staring in January. For this I need to be fit and have full use of my limbs. I have a client today from midday through to about 7pm; and clients back to back Wednesday from 9am to 1pm...

It is not even as if it is a lot of pain except at those moments of crisis, and assorted other times. I chide myself for making a fuss. I would like a lot more sympathy and consideration but I am not going to get it and a part of me is too strong to accept it anyway. It is funny that I say there is not even that much pain when I lay in bed trying to find a comfortable position for my arm and shoulder and nothing seems to work. Laying on the sofa is surprisingly comfortable and effective. My shoulder hunches in reaction to pain or as a means to somehow protect from further painful episodes and of course, that doesn't help much.

I want to dance freely, and jump and skip and reach out and be happy. At this moment I am finding it very difficult to be in the present and to think these things are here and now. They feel all so mythical and unattainable. Like I said, I'm feeling sorry for myself.

Dressed up

Dressed to party and about to leave shortly. It is our Christmas work do where it will be Chinese food and Karaoke. We did the same last year and it was quite jolly so I expect it will be similar this time.

A swipe of clear varnish on nails makes all the difference. I can't bear putting on coloured varnish if it then gets marked so I generally don't bother with anything so it is a bit of an exception to do this. I've taken the time to put make-up on and fix my hair down long and straight which I rarely do so no-one really knows how long my hair is.

The small amount of weight I have put on to my slim frame makes a huge difference and I do not fit into any of my party dresses. Thank goodness for my inspiration at the local Christmas market where I bought a locally hand made knitted scarf that looks like tinsel with silver grey and white edged in black with a tiny silver sequin shot through. I've pinned this to the neck line of a black longer length top which has bands of silver sequins at the bottom, just below my bottom, and at the ends of the three quarter length sleeves. I am wearing a pair of black leggings and these shoes which are surprisingly comfortable as long as my beloved takes me to the destination by car and picks me up!

Yesterday was tough and I just kept on going. I am not quite there but hey, best foot forward and a smile on the face. The show must go on. 

Deep, down and dirty

Not a lot to say really. Last night at work was really great with lovely feedback from clients about treatments that are life changing. Of course I came home feeling wonderful, bathed in the warm glow of that shared glory. Way less than 24 hours later I come home from a very hard day at work. Clients were happy and satisfied but I know. I'm working with equipment that keeps hiccoughing and not doing what it should. Deadlines for treatments are being pushed and I am wanting to do the best job I can. One of the young apprentices could be a whole lot more supportive, after all the value of the treatments I am doing are paying the rent, wages and much more. My arms are working billy-oh for five hours strait, with an existing shoulder injury in one I am feeling the strain and my other arm and shoulder are starting to ache. I have no time to make a drink and no-one brings me any. Probably a good thing as I wouldn't have had time to go to the loo. When I've finished my boss who is now in about to see her own clients asks me if I'm OK in the way people these days in the UK glibly ask "How are you" without having time nor the inclination to hear a real answer so I just mutter OK. Another part of me feels that if I say anything it looks like I can not handle pressure. Is it pressure? Is it tiredness? Is it pain? Is it depression and I am just barely coping. Life is not always good at the OK corral.

One of those days

Yesterday was one of those days that evolves out of seemingly nowhere and transforms one's life further still. It started off with a minor good deed to help a new business in our small town to find that the owner is only a former client of mine for whom I had done some therapeutic work in the past. She had given up her conventional job and had taken the plunge and opened a little shop. Another soon to open business is another former client of mine who is one powerful woman in her own right. Very exciting stuff going on.

Then just after the middle of the day I receive a forwarded email from my employer about some government funding in place for extending one's qualifications in our field. She had already emailed them back and asked if there was an upper age limit and no, there wasn't. This is a qualification I had been enrolled to do elsewhere a while back but decided that a whole 'nother year out was not necessary. And here it was, or at least a major element, being served up from a private course just one evening a week for just sixteen weeks for just the price of my uniform and kit. Places were limited it said. I don't hang around you know!

A phone call enquiry later and a quick superman change of costume to look professional when it was definitely a bad hair day and a 20 minute drive and a quick chat with my boss and I was there within an hour. In truth, the interview was a formality and I was signed up there and then. Well, almost as I asked them to hold fire. Subject to final discussions at work as there has had to be quite a bit of jiggling around of my colleagues work times so that I can attend the allotted evening.

In truth I am not that enamoured by the college based on the apprentices we have had in our work place. It will be very interesting to see if the college are as rubbish as the impression I have. The end result though is a qualification from the right examining body so it is worth my time and effort. The course normally costs £3000!

I'll be 51 just after the course starts at the beginning of the new year which tickles me to think I am still out there learning and growing. Who knows where the couple of new skills I'll gain will take me, or the better qualifications in my existing skills.

How lovely that everyone so far has been supportive and encouraging and accommodating. More reasons to be cheerful and thankful.

Frogs, creativity, holidays and living

Before July flies away a little guest visit is in order with a quick update. Going backwards from this point, I started eating frogs on Thursday with a great audio book. All the usual stuff one really does know that resonates at this point in time. Something that I am implementing at a point when I was pulling my finger out any way. Amazingly, I have just found it on youtube and if I am correct then it can be listened to here though I had mine from audible playing to me direct from my phone.




My lovely Mr Doris and I have been on holiday and had a road trip across Germany - I love driving and can now say I have driven through Berlin and across Germany. Visiting special friends and just being.

The bread making continues interleaved with running. I can now say I am a runner and running six or seven km in one go is no problem. Remembering that just a matter of weeks ago I could not run and had no stamina. My thighs are developing nicely thank you.

Often on my mind is my friend who passed away at the end of February. The impact hits me again and again at any point in a day. In some aspects of my life I have been in a state of suspension since then unable to move. Strange how that can co-exist with all my other activity.

Coming back to the frogs, I am working on eating them, one at a time. Starting with our income and empire building once again - this time with specified goals written down. Other goals include living and loving and being happy. Extending my creativity to painting and yesterday coincidentally I met a couple of women who only started painting in their 60s and 70s - so one is never too old. First though, are the finances and some single minded determination.

Sore throat

After the last post about mental illness it feels like a very long time since I had a physical illness and here I am feeling very sore and poorly with a sore throat. It came on suddenly on Friday night after I had a very long evening doing a party-plan type party at someone's house and suspect that I caught something from one of the models. The product I was demonstrating was skin care so I was working on people's faces.

Yesterday was completely wiped out whilst today is rather busy from early afternoon. I'm going to be like a Japanese tourist and wear a face mask as I have treatments to do that people are wanting and can only fit in today. What I'd rather do is to curl up and not go anywhere today. I think though that I will text each in a while to give them the choice. I know I would rather cancel than risk bringing unnecessary bugs into the house.

On the plus side, yesterday there was one of those 100 best TV programmes during the day which was about Christmas TV moments. Cue the Christmas tree. Ours is a gorgeous pencil slim tree so not too big or heavy but I had to keep stopping to rest my aching arms - and they still ache. It was a rather nice few hours to put that up and looks gorgeous all decorated though it stands alone without any supporting decorations in the room. Not up to those yet.

I have drunken so much herbal tea and regular tea this past day. At least I am well hydrated.

Joy to the World!

Licking wounds?

Nah, not me, not this time. Yesterday was two weeks almost to the minute since I was ingloriously sacked that the postie arrived with a box of gorgeous printed postcards promoting my re-launched business. Within half an hour I was out on the streets popping them through letter boxes. A few hours later and with the help of the darling Mr Doris and my sis about 400 have been delivered. Another 600 to go out tomorrow. Oh the joy of action.

An incident slightly blurred the proceedings with a sticky letterbox. A dog on the other side snapped at my leather gloved fingers ripping the glove clean off my hand and leaving fingers stinging red for half an hour. There was no sign warning about dogs. Further down the road I chatted to a passing postie about it and she pointed out a house opposite where the mail refuse to deliver post any more because the dog there had ripped a postie's hand right off. I went off and delivered elsewhere. Those wounds I did lick for a while.

With the clocks jumping back it is a dark grey watery light outside. Goodness knows what it will be like when we have double summer time in place. What is time anyway ..... some arbitrary label that says it is 7 am or 10am. Hmm.

Frog Filosophy

Five frogs are sitting on a log. Four decide to jump off.

How many are left?

There are still five - because there's a difference between deciding and doing.

Five Frogs on a Log by Mark L Feldman and Michael F Spratt

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I did it, I took that jump and although it didn't work out, at least I tried and in the end I have ended up on a different lily pad. In the process I learned just how many wonderful people there are in my life and am even more thankful and grateful. Onto my next jump which involves re-launching and adding a bigger ticket service. Oh yes. Rock on.

The Waiting Game

The not knowing is very difficult and I am trying to hold tight and am keeping busy - once again the kitchen gets a good going over. So I sent off my carefully worded email which did not hold back on the strength of the situation. I received a quick reply that was conciliatory and a tad dismissive, wallpapering over the cracks in an attempt to move forward. I responded with some further moving forward thoughts and proposed actions whilst also clarifying a couple of details. Then this morning I was up since early putting together some bones of a business plan with a covering email with further moving forward proposals. That email I sent to both husband and wife. In reply from him was a curt appointment set for me with him on Monday morning. I no longer seem to have access to the server.

Least said, soonest mended so I am writing this here. I have already talked this over with valued and trusted people in my life but you know how it is, sometimes we feel the need to keep talking it through to make sense and I am finding it difficult to not think about it every moment. I do not want this job at all costs but there is no doubt this was an exciting project. Maybe it still is and maybe this is something to work through. It is the not knowing. And what a bitch of a thing to do to send such an email for someone to stew over for the weekend.

Splat

The dream job is rapidly looking like a rabid beast slathering menacingly at me as the only target in its sights. Or perhaps it is better to think of derailed analogies and we are skidding along off the rails knowing something is not right at all. And hey would you guess, I suddenly seem to have a psychotic woman in my life again. Oh joy.

Today I stopped the whole thing and got off. My boss has phoned and said she was wrong and I was right. She sent me a pacifying text, but this is not about who is right or wrong. There is something fundamentally wrong and for once in my life I know it is not due to my lack or to do with me not being good enough. It is also not her fault either. It is what it is and it needs looking at and either fixing, if only we knew which bits need fixing and then how to fix it, or calling the whole thing off. I'm still at the stage where I think it is worth trying to tackle it.

Having had my customary pre-sleep sleep on the sofa I am now awake in the early hours. It is quiet and still and I can sit and compose the right words in an email to her. There are some very interesting dynamics going on and I feel this project and I are somehow in the middle of some major stuff going on in her and her personal life. Others did warn me against getting involved in the job, almost for those unknown reasons. I'm trusting in the universe to help the words to flow now. Something in me feels sure and confident about that. However, the outcome is entirely in her court and we need a reality check as to where we all stand. For this project to be viable it needs to be big, otherwise it should be one of those self-start one-man-band projects that grows over time. Not something like this where another individual is being employed on a full time salary. I'm out of magic wands just now so the next few days will be interesting.

Oh yes, and did I actually mention for the record, that I opened the salon this week and did three trial  treatments? Highly successful treatments I might add, with the potential for retail sales and a confirmed second booking for which the client is wanting to pay? Odd that instead of this being a cause for celebration it has been completely undermined with her snapping at me that there will be no more free treatments after this week and that those I had arranged are all to be converted up to some serious retail sales. Bearing in mind that these are the usual test client situations one does in order to trial a new service. And that I had targeted people who would be excellent ambassadors for us. Cheaper and more effective than any Groupon promotion.

And did I also mention that the boss had turned round and told me today that she herself would be going on such and such a training and not me. I was gobsmacked and this pretty much shows something has gone majorly wrong that the person they have recruited with the skills and training and experience and who had been employed to be the lead therapist to develop, carry out and disseminate these new skills has suddenly been side-lined. It is not even about the training or me wanting to carry out this procedure. I am not insured to carry out the procedure if I have not been properly trained but she seems to think she wants to re-write what are already the lax laws of this country in the field of beauty therapy. No wonder she wastes so much time asking my opinion on this or that flim flam for the decoration in order to avoid the major details such as the training. Either I am going to make this work and and I am going to be empowered to do so, or I am gone.

Month One

Coming to the end of month one of my fabulous new job. It would safe to say I am so tired but thanks to the wonderful Mr Doris who cossets me and pads out all the edges of my life I don't have to worry about running a home or making meals and all those sort of things. If I had to I would probably be crashing into the ground with exhaustion.

Today I have the third day of an intensive three day course learning so much. Tomorrow I may return to painting our new head office and what was going to be our training salon but since a good change of fortune for my employers we'll be getting the snazzy new salon up and running in November. I'll not be doing any painting beyond this place as we'll get painters in the future. I was a tad over-optimistic saying this place was easy to paint - three small rooms - and offering to do it but I learn from experience.

The lovely BT have graciously brought their dates forward again to install phone and internet, having started off offering the next week and then shifting and shifting week by week so now I feel strangely grateful they are saying next Monday. Hmm.

I am very excited about non-surgical facelifts. A little procedure I learned about yesterday and had done on me and I did on someone else. It is logical and all about re-educating the muscles which for me, a good logic behind a procedure is always helpful. I am so underplaying how excited I am. After all, if I can lift someone's eyebrows after just a few moments of work - and they stay there and will stay like that for a couple of days, then this is very compelling. Whether a one-off for a special event, or as part of a series of treatments over a month and then maintenance monthly, I think this treatment rocks. The teacher demonstrated this procedure on one side of my face and my cheek was visibly perkier and my eyebrow also lifted. A little more work and my proto-jowl would also lift. It is not painful as such - apart from having a number of nervous students working at me and poking for ages that I was quite fed up. I wonder if anyone else will notice today that one side of my face is ever so slightly perkier than the other?

This weekend the good Mr Doris and I will be zooming off to an English hotel for a romantic weekend together. Booked weeks ago using the proceeds of our supermarket coupons who was to know this weekend is now scheduled to have such fine weather. There will be snuggling up and taking it easy with picnics in the sunshine. Glorious.

Gobsmacking

Since my mother died in May my life is beginning to read like a fantasy. Unbelievable and fantastical. In my last post I wrote about "the" amazing new job and my upcoming journey to Thailand. So I started my new job and then jetted off to Thailand with my dear friend and saw her through another painful and difficult set of operations that were ultimately very successful. It was a privilege to be there and to really help though it was exhausting. I returned looking forward to my new job and developing my own business.

Within a few days of arriving back my name had been put forward for another job and if I had thought the other job was amazing this one turns out to be stellar. A part of me was terrified thinking who am I to even think I could dare to do it. Wondering if it went pear-shaped it would be down to my incompetence. On the other hand, a part of me thought "why not me". That actually I could be great for this job. And I get to get a salary that would make a difference to our lives.

So I said "yes". And I am doing amazing. It is a new business with big plans for the future. I am to help set it up and get it running and once I (yes, me!) have staff in place (under me!) then to go help set up the next branch. And then the next branch after that. A simple salary for now, increasing a bit in January, a pension plan and a car next year ..... whose life is this?

Something in me has shifted. Something in me says yes, I can do it for me. Something in me is not so scared of being successful, of earning some money. Something in me knows she can do it - at least most of the time. I'm still a bit scared, though less scared than I have ever been. I speak up and speak confidently from within. It feels like me. It sounds like me. I'm not having to pretend.

Doris Day is on Channel 4 in the background and her 70s fashions are just gob-smackingly distracting that I am not sure I can follow my thoughts any more. In some scenes she looks like something off a knitting pattern and the rest are a document to the outrageous or appalling 70s. Such bright lemon yellows. And thick striped blusher like a third degree burn!

Talking of fashions, thanks to my local dress agency I have a whole new fabulous wardrobe worthy of my new job. It is a joy to open my wardrobe doors and decide what to wear that day. All at a snip. Pay day has not yet arrived and I am already feeling it and feeling good. The old poverty mentality seems to have melted away.

There is a lot of work. I am working very hard and also having to up some of my qualifications with some sharpish distance learning. Let no-one ever say this is easy, or I have had it easy. On the other hard there is a flow and it is flowing smoothly. Like a dream. I almost can not wait for the next episode of my own life.

Here's to sharing the love. And luck.

Exam

This afternoon we have our first exam which shouldn't be too difficult in the scheme of things but are still an unknown beast. Before that, we will have busy salon conditions to which I have been asked to be salon manager for which I will be assessed. There will be lots of assessments going on so it is not as if everyone will be watched every second but just generally, and specifically on occasion. I am looking forward to getting things signed off for my coursework as there is so much more to to do. Perhaps a tad nervous about the exam but it should be fine.

Does this sound like December?

Youtube

I so love youtube! But then, I suppose I am attributing the good to the mode rather than to the hands of the users/producers. Just like we blame guns or porn rather than the people behind them but heyho that is another matter. Yesterday I could have been off massacring my local populace but instead I had a most productive time watching youtubes on threading and eyebrow definition. Who'd have thought it wasn't rocket science to pick up threading but indeed it does take skill and experience to learn to get it brilliant. Nevertheless, together with my existing beauty skills and increasing confidence (did I really cut my eyebrow hairs that much and they really look good still?!) I have a pretty good rendition of what is fast becoming known as HD brows. They are darker, more shapely and cleanly defined. I know that I have more work to do on them but I am pretty impressed. And the threading really helped with cleaning up around the brows in a way that waxing doesn't always manage. Who'd have thought all you needed was a little bit of thread from a sewing reel to do all that magic.

I know someone at college who has the most naturally amazing eyelashes and eyebrows which apparently have been assisted by a product in the region of over £40 to help them grow. Youtube advice from a number of sources suggest the nightly use of castor oil on said hairs. £1.40 from the chemist and I have begun to road test that tip.

It was a good job I decided to go out earlier in the car to do some college work with a friend only to discover the car battery is as flat as a pancake. The charger is on and fingers crossed we have a working car tomorrow morning. So instead of going out I am on Youtube picking and choosing my way through some more excellent make up videos. Some of it is rubbish but some is excellent. Thank you wonderful people who produce them.

Fragile

Not sure what happened to yesterday but within an hour of writing my last post, and feeling all smug, I was continuing with my college assignment and my eyes went ping. In a pre-migraine kind of way. It is difficult to study and concentrate when lights and objects slide around your vision and make you feel queasy. So as a result, I was up and down from the sofa. Sleeping it off and then returning to my studies, then resting again. Thank goodness no-one accepted my invitations to come and eat with us last night as I ended up quite out of action. But at least two of my five assignments are done and dusted and I'll try and do some more today. It will be so good to get them out of the way.