Gobsmacking

Since my mother died in May my life is beginning to read like a fantasy. Unbelievable and fantastical. In my last post I wrote about "the" amazing new job and my upcoming journey to Thailand. So I started my new job and then jetted off to Thailand with my dear friend and saw her through another painful and difficult set of operations that were ultimately very successful. It was a privilege to be there and to really help though it was exhausting. I returned looking forward to my new job and developing my own business.

Within a few days of arriving back my name had been put forward for another job and if I had thought the other job was amazing this one turns out to be stellar. A part of me was terrified thinking who am I to even think I could dare to do it. Wondering if it went pear-shaped it would be down to my incompetence. On the other hand, a part of me thought "why not me". That actually I could be great for this job. And I get to get a salary that would make a difference to our lives.

So I said "yes". And I am doing amazing. It is a new business with big plans for the future. I am to help set it up and get it running and once I (yes, me!) have staff in place (under me!) then to go help set up the next branch. And then the next branch after that. A simple salary for now, increasing a bit in January, a pension plan and a car next year ..... whose life is this?

Something in me has shifted. Something in me says yes, I can do it for me. Something in me is not so scared of being successful, of earning some money. Something in me knows she can do it - at least most of the time. I'm still a bit scared, though less scared than I have ever been. I speak up and speak confidently from within. It feels like me. It sounds like me. I'm not having to pretend.

Doris Day is on Channel 4 in the background and her 70s fashions are just gob-smackingly distracting that I am not sure I can follow my thoughts any more. In some scenes she looks like something off a knitting pattern and the rest are a document to the outrageous or appalling 70s. Such bright lemon yellows. And thick striped blusher like a third degree burn!

Talking of fashions, thanks to my local dress agency I have a whole new fabulous wardrobe worthy of my new job. It is a joy to open my wardrobe doors and decide what to wear that day. All at a snip. Pay day has not yet arrived and I am already feeling it and feeling good. The old poverty mentality seems to have melted away.

There is a lot of work. I am working very hard and also having to up some of my qualifications with some sharpish distance learning. Let no-one ever say this is easy, or I have had it easy. On the other hard there is a flow and it is flowing smoothly. Like a dream. I almost can not wait for the next episode of my own life.

Here's to sharing the love. And luck.