He arrived quite late so we launched right into dinner. I had already suggested to Mr Doris we may have to forgo Dr Who and watch the repeat instead as it would be a tad impolite to rush him through dinner just to fulfil my Dr Who fix!
It was worth it though as dinner was fun. Even daughter got into the swing of it and we ended up talking politics. You see, daughter has decided she is going to uni to do a degree in politics even though she never talks politics at home. It was interesting then to hear her drawn out and become vocal on the subject. She has scary views which I hope come down to her youth and will be tempered in time.
After dinner we retired to the parlour where ex, the kids and I played rummy until midnight. Admidst laughter and bluff and double bluff it was a fun time.
After son went to bed, ex told us about his dream. It was set in our house and consisted of my brother hauling my ex up against the wall and threatening him with a knife for daring to turn up and just waft in and out of our lives and how terrible he was. It was the dream that shook up ex and made him come visit immediately. Sounds to me like someone's guilty conscience getting the better of him!
Today we took a drive en famille and found a nice country pub for lunch. Home for a cuppa and then goodbyes. Ex gives son a tenner to which son looks as if the riches of the world have been bestowed upon him. Ho hum. Daughter was called down to say goodbye and the same was pressed into her hand. I guess that might be it for another year.
Original Comments:
Sunday, 30 April 2006
The Ex and the Son
Some of the comments from my last post made me think how I had not for one moment made reference to my son in all this and how he felt. And in same ways it did stop me short, horrified, realising I was considering my own feelings but what about son.
If there was any chance that I felt my son was being mentally messed around with then I have no doubt I would put a stop to it. In fact, I always insisted on very high standards from ex when we were "together". Apart from a brief few months, we never lived together and so when he came to visit, it had to be by arrangement and promises (on the whole) were to be kept.
Yesterday I chatted with son specifically to get an update of how he was feeling. He really feels OK abut it all. A bit disappointed that his father didn't remember his 12th birthday earlier this year but that's about it. Anyway, he has his "Dad" - Mr Doris - who had a go at trying to fix the gears on his bike yesterday; who buys the shopping and gets treats and rewards for son; who makes dinners; who can be relied upon; who provides personal computers with whizzy lights; and (from my perspective) who welcomes son's father to stay.
I'll blog again later about last night - it was so much fun! After we've had our outing together today.
Original Comments:
If there was any chance that I felt my son was being mentally messed around with then I have no doubt I would put a stop to it. In fact, I always insisted on very high standards from ex when we were "together". Apart from a brief few months, we never lived together and so when he came to visit, it had to be by arrangement and promises (on the whole) were to be kept.
Yesterday I chatted with son specifically to get an update of how he was feeling. He really feels OK abut it all. A bit disappointed that his father didn't remember his 12th birthday earlier this year but that's about it. Anyway, he has his "Dad" - Mr Doris - who had a go at trying to fix the gears on his bike yesterday; who buys the shopping and gets treats and rewards for son; who makes dinners; who can be relied upon; who provides personal computers with whizzy lights; and (from my perspective) who welcomes son's father to stay.
I'll blog again later about last night - it was so much fun! After we've had our outing together today.
Original Comments:
- Karen said...
-
Ex's suck - my ex missed out on seeing his daughter grow up - fool. I haven't gone just got P****d off with the ball and chain asking why I'd writen what I had.
- Annie said...
-
I have an ex who once delayed his son's birthday presents for two months - when my son was living with him - despite other son having a birthday (and presents) in between times! He then bribed his brother not to tell him about his wedding. It says a lot for my son that he has forgiven this and still wants to, and does, see his Dad weekly. I am polite if I see him, but fortunately don't often have to. The divorce is long over and done with, but what that poor kid went through.... Hope your son isn't disappointed, and well done Mr Doris - does he have a brother?!
- doris said...
-
Karen Fool is the word. Nice to see you :-)
Annie What despicable behaviour. I suppose we have gotten off lightly. Son is fine here and no, Mr Doris still doesn't have an available brother! :-P - Cheryl said...
-
I have read this twice but didn't know how to answer, simply as I never for a moment considered that you would do anything other than put the needs of you children first. Still the only real comment I can come up with is 'Of course.'
Friday, 28 April 2006
The Ex
We had a phone call out the blue late last night from son's biological father asking to come visit this weekend. What this means in practise is him coming up by train - because he drives all the time to work and thinks the drive to us is too much - and staying overnight. Which is absolutely fine with us and with Mr Doris.
Sadly, ex does very little to keep in contact with gorgeous son and nothing at all to help with any maintenance costs. He has good intentions but in the end it is his loss. He has missed out on son growing up. Ex was once an informally adoptive father to my daughter but he lost that honour ages ago when he decided he no longer needed to honour her birthday or give her presents. That was most cruel since he loved her very much once upon a time and used to make her feel special.
He is not a cruel person by nature but has ended up being quite thoughtless at times. I wonder about the true nature of his visit as he spoke to me last night with a real gentleness in his voice with almost a touching memory about stuff I had told him in the past such as about my long lost family recently found. I've warned Mr Doris we need to be cautious as I am sure that ex has no qualms on making a move on me even in my new home with my husband about!
Ex and I had an almost Romeo and Juliet passion and love that went on for about 13 years. Even before I managed to have my daughter by someone else. Which is why I affectionately call myself a slapper. And I'm still not telling the whole story. What amazes me is how much ex has managed to overcome his stupid masculine proudness. It was me that called it quits finally and he used to declare that there is no way he would have any contact with me or the kids once a man was in my life. His pride wouldn't allow it. It was Mr Doris who helped trick him into meeting and somehow ex overcame his prejudices and actually found a lot in common with Mr Doris and visited reasonably often when we lived nearer.
It is bizarre having civilised dinners round the table with my beloved Mr Doris and ex at the same table with perfectly affable behaviour from all. Ex has stayed with us before - I think the current rate is seeing his son about once a year - and that was OK. He said he would phone today to confirm his train times but he hasn't done that yet. I expect it will be another late call. Or heaven forbid he has cancelled because I've now told son. It wiil be an interesting and curious weekend.
Original Comments:
Sadly, ex does very little to keep in contact with gorgeous son and nothing at all to help with any maintenance costs. He has good intentions but in the end it is his loss. He has missed out on son growing up. Ex was once an informally adoptive father to my daughter but he lost that honour ages ago when he decided he no longer needed to honour her birthday or give her presents. That was most cruel since he loved her very much once upon a time and used to make her feel special.
He is not a cruel person by nature but has ended up being quite thoughtless at times. I wonder about the true nature of his visit as he spoke to me last night with a real gentleness in his voice with almost a touching memory about stuff I had told him in the past such as about my long lost family recently found. I've warned Mr Doris we need to be cautious as I am sure that ex has no qualms on making a move on me even in my new home with my husband about!
Ex and I had an almost Romeo and Juliet passion and love that went on for about 13 years. Even before I managed to have my daughter by someone else. Which is why I affectionately call myself a slapper. And I'm still not telling the whole story. What amazes me is how much ex has managed to overcome his stupid masculine proudness. It was me that called it quits finally and he used to declare that there is no way he would have any contact with me or the kids once a man was in my life. His pride wouldn't allow it. It was Mr Doris who helped trick him into meeting and somehow ex overcame his prejudices and actually found a lot in common with Mr Doris and visited reasonably often when we lived nearer.
It is bizarre having civilised dinners round the table with my beloved Mr Doris and ex at the same table with perfectly affable behaviour from all. Ex has stayed with us before - I think the current rate is seeing his son about once a year - and that was OK. He said he would phone today to confirm his train times but he hasn't done that yet. I expect it will be another late call. Or heaven forbid he has cancelled because I've now told son. It wiil be an interesting and curious weekend.
Original Comments:
- Jessica said...
-
Wow, it's good that time helped things change. I can't imagine ever doing that if my husband and I were to get divorced.
- Stegbeetle said...
-
Well, I'm glad that you and Mr Doris are on good terms with your ex but it sounds like a recipe for headaches to me!
- Joe said...
-
Well Doris I hope it goes well. It sounds like you have a pretty good relationship with ex, all things considered.
The thought of what it would be like to separated from my children and seeing them once a year is a horrid one for me. I couldn't go on without them in my life, or I guess if I did there would be this big aching hole. And yet most divorced men do loose touch with their children. I wonder why?
BTW - Why would he try to make a move on you? He must have figured that you have moved on completely. Or does he still hold a candle for you somehow? - doris said...
-
LOL It is not hard to keep a candle burning for me!!! ;-) I may jest, but yes he still holds something to what we once had, whereas I don't. I did mention Romeo and Juliet didn't I? And the cheeky bugger has tried it on in the past.
As for him losing touch with his son that is really up to him and it would not have been for want of my (or Mr Doris') efforts or encouragement. He has another child elsewhere and he has finally lost contact with her. Sad. But he has other kids to keep him occupied!
Hi Jessica! It is good to have the cordiality and civility. Just a strange situation really.
No headaches here Steg. Except unless you count me overdoing the wine last night and needing water now in the middle of the night!
And the really cute thing is... our radio in the kitchen is on day and night (it gives nice vibes) and I just went in there to get water and they were playing "my song". Ahhh. - doris said...
-
Oh Jessica, I was just reading through some of your older blogs and the tempestuous husband you have. It seems more appropriate to comment back here .... I don't know how you do it and am not surprised you can't imagine him being OK if you divorced. I am not sure I can catch up on your life in one reading and hope that things are improving. ((Hugs))
- Britmum said...
-
Doris good luck with your weekend. I hope it turns out well for the sake of your son. It must be hard on him but I expect he has an exceptional relationship with Mr Doris as you come across as a wonderful parents.
Take care xxx - Gerald Ford said...
-
Hi Doris,
Sorry to hear about your awkward dinner. Even though it went well, it's still agonizing to have to deal with that.
Either way, I feel worse over your son. He deserves better treatment. - jane said...
-
For some reason, sons really need/want to know they're loved by their biological dad. It sounds as though your ex was too hurt & couldn't bear to see another man in his shoes. But, what is now is what matters. I hope he shows up & that your son gets a very nice visit with him.
Thanks for your well wishes for Tarzan. He's almost perfectly better now.
Hey, you know our 1 year anniversary is coming up next month? WootWoot!
Monday, 24 April 2006
Doris @ 80th birthday bash
Security was lapse at the palace again
They tried not to look at the woman with 'the' hat
Doris always was a trendsetter
"Dahlinks, I lurve a good birthday bash"
HRH muttered, "She was only brought in to
liven things up and now she she's gorn
and stolen the damned show"
liven things up and now she she's gorn
and stolen the damned show"
LOL on my 80th I'm going to invite everyone else who is born the same day and have a good laff at them too!
It's my party..... and I'll dress as I please
Make way, make way ...
Original Comments:
- doris said...
- Hats hide a multitude of sins.... the Duke of this, the Duchess of that....
- Cheryl said...
- So your true identity is Betty Boop?
- Curly K said...
- Luv the hat dahling, always knew you were part of the Bloggerati!
- Le laquet said...
- God you look stunning ... can't those other nobodys get out of the way so we get a clear shot of you?
- Stegbeetle said...
- Good to see someone adding a little colour to the scene.
What was the disco like? Or did they have a band?
- Britmum said...
- OMG you have a figure to die for Doris and those eyes, I bet they hold a secret or two. (wink, wink).
Have a lovely week.
Catherine
- Carol said...
- Doris, you kill me. I hope you had a fabulous time, and that tiresome woman in blue didn't ruin your day!
- Milt Bogs said...
- 'You get rid of one Lady In Red and another one pops up out of the woodwork.'
I have a wonderful verification code - 'bzumumac'. Sounds like something that big women should wear when it's raining.
- MrsDoF said...
- "And a good time was had by all in attendance"
I cannot remember where I read that phrase oh those many years ago, but it seems to fit that picture.
My birthday is the same date of the month as Prince Phillip's. I sent him a birthday card awhile back, but never have received an acknowledgement.
- Gerald Ford said...
- Well *I* would rather celebrate the Queen Mum's birthday than G.W.Bush's.
So as far as I am concerned, God Save the Queen! :D
- Gerald Ford said...
- My birthday is the same date of the month as Prince Phillip's. I sent him a birthday card awhile back, but never have received an acknowledgement.
Better that he didn't. I heard that he's not very tactful sometimes.
- Ally said...
- I find it very difficult to understand why women who are rolling in cash have such poor taste where fashion is concerned.
*goes to change in to something more comfortable*
- Gerald Ford said...
- I find it very difficult to understand why women who are rolling in cash have such poor taste where fashion is concerned.
Oh I don't know. I've seen plenty of women walking around who looked fantastic and clearly had more money than I. Presumably though, they were using someone else's money.
It's great having a wife who loves you even when you're broke and cheap. ;p
- Badaunt said...
- You know, just behind you there is apparently a hat with no head under it. Maybe the head got a headache at the last moment and the hat decided to attend on its own...?
I'm glad you attended, anyway. They needed SOMEBODY to brighten up the occasion, and you really did, didn't you!
- rashbre said...
- You missed me?
- doris said...
- LOL sorry I missed you Rashbre!
- rashbre said...
- You should spot me now!
Sunday, 23 April 2006
Magical Mystery Tour
It turned out not to be a day of tears but one of great fun and reflection and closeness. I picked up my cousin from where she was staying not telling anyone the plan I was unhatching and then once in the car offered up some destinations to my cousin, including Liverpool. It was an hour and half drive. I knew she wanted to see Penny Lane and so we did. That was disappointing but we still did the photos of her next to the street sign.
Nothing else was a disappointment. Neither of us had been to Liverpool before. To me it was about The Liver Birds and the song Ferry cross the Mersey. It was all that and more. The architecture is stunning and amazing and thoughtful and over the top. A real confection. In places it felt like a small New York with its art deco buildings.
We took lunch in a nice Italian place on the Albert Dock. Perfect food and I braved a last glass of red wine with my cousin even though I was going to be driving later. It was a time warp and several hours felt like twenty minutes. Seems we have plenty still to talk about.
Then it was onto a Duck Tour which was another first experience. So bizarre to be one minute travelling round doing the guided bus tour thing on the city roads and then the next driving full pelt into the water and having a guided boat tour of the docks and then back up to land. The guide had a corny repartee which was fun. But a cushion under the botty would have been nice as it felt like solid metal wheels beneath us.
By now it was getting late so in the absence of a proper map we used a souvenir tea towel map to drive to the Beatle's sites such as Penny Lane. Not a good idea as the map was not correct nor in proportion. Penny Lane was easy enough with the sat nav, once you know that Penny Lane is not in Liverpool but Woolton, but thankfully, with the assistance of Mr Doris at home on the internet he guided us to both Strawberry Field and to the grave of Eleanor Rigby. The former is wonderful - just an iron gate but such a fabulous feeling to be there knowing that many Beatles fans before us had been there; but the latter was very sad. I think it is a grave that coincidentally has the name "Eleanor Rigby" on it. She is listed along with a number of other family members - I can't imagine that this is the grave of "Eleanor Rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name. Nobody came". The church and grave yard are pretty, and there was confetti out the front, but terrible subsidence in the grave yard. Eeek! And the grave stone in front seems to have been smashed and laid down and one can't help wondering if it was intentional to get a better photo of the grave stone with Eleanor Rigby on it.
It was nearly 10.30pm when we finally parted. I still had an hour drive to get home and had planned this moment. I knew I needed to keep it together to drive safely and yes, there was a moment when I started to go into a sort of an impromptu speech. Or rather things I wanted to say but hadn't planned to say them and then started to waver with tears possibly pricking. So I stopped. We hugged again and left each other smiling. I must have smiled all the way home.
Of course it really isn't a good bye at all because we'll meet up again sometime. And we have the email. And we have all these wonderful new memories. Saturday, and the past fortnight, was a magical mystery tour for both of us.
Original Comments:
Nothing else was a disappointment. Neither of us had been to Liverpool before. To me it was about The Liver Birds and the song Ferry cross the Mersey. It was all that and more. The architecture is stunning and amazing and thoughtful and over the top. A real confection. In places it felt like a small New York with its art deco buildings.
We took lunch in a nice Italian place on the Albert Dock. Perfect food and I braved a last glass of red wine with my cousin even though I was going to be driving later. It was a time warp and several hours felt like twenty minutes. Seems we have plenty still to talk about.
Then it was onto a Duck Tour which was another first experience. So bizarre to be one minute travelling round doing the guided bus tour thing on the city roads and then the next driving full pelt into the water and having a guided boat tour of the docks and then back up to land. The guide had a corny repartee which was fun. But a cushion under the botty would have been nice as it felt like solid metal wheels beneath us.
By now it was getting late so in the absence of a proper map we used a souvenir tea towel map to drive to the Beatle's sites such as Penny Lane. Not a good idea as the map was not correct nor in proportion. Penny Lane was easy enough with the sat nav, once you know that Penny Lane is not in Liverpool but Woolton, but thankfully, with the assistance of Mr Doris at home on the internet he guided us to both Strawberry Field and to the grave of Eleanor Rigby. The former is wonderful - just an iron gate but such a fabulous feeling to be there knowing that many Beatles fans before us had been there; but the latter was very sad. I think it is a grave that coincidentally has the name "Eleanor Rigby" on it. She is listed along with a number of other family members - I can't imagine that this is the grave of "Eleanor Rigby died in the church and was buried along with her name. Nobody came". The church and grave yard are pretty, and there was confetti out the front, but terrible subsidence in the grave yard. Eeek! And the grave stone in front seems to have been smashed and laid down and one can't help wondering if it was intentional to get a better photo of the grave stone with Eleanor Rigby on it.
It was nearly 10.30pm when we finally parted. I still had an hour drive to get home and had planned this moment. I knew I needed to keep it together to drive safely and yes, there was a moment when I started to go into a sort of an impromptu speech. Or rather things I wanted to say but hadn't planned to say them and then started to waver with tears possibly pricking. So I stopped. We hugged again and left each other smiling. I must have smiled all the way home.
Of course it really isn't a good bye at all because we'll meet up again sometime. And we have the email. And we have all these wonderful new memories. Saturday, and the past fortnight, was a magical mystery tour for both of us.
Original Comments:
- Cheryl said...
- Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, brilliant!!
- Ally said...
- Wonderful! So pleased! And you both must have been there in Liverpool this afternoon while I was looking across to the Liver Building as I walked on the beach!
If you both have broadband, have you come across 'Skype'? Very, very cheap way to make voice calls.
- Britmum said...
- Doris it sounds like you had a super wonderful day together. I am so glad for you.
I keep in touch with my family in England on MSN. Its marvelous and I love keeping in touch that way.
Take care xoxo
- Astryngia said...
- That brings back memories - an old pal o' mine I'm still in touch with lives in Woolton. I stayed with her for the Liverpool Garden Festival in the early 80s and yes, Penny Lane is...just a road. Went back for her wedding. She visits various bits of my county to go birdwatching with her beau but hasn't made it here yet - she got snowed in the last time she tried.
Glad you had such a wonderfully special time :-)
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Glad verything went well and you had fun.
Rather sad ending, though. £20 shouldn't absolve ex of his responsibilities but there, that's none of my business and maybe I'm speaking out of line. Sorry.
Sunday, April 30, 2006 8:21:00 PM
Great ending. Cordial, like a visit from an Uncle or family friend and if he has gone away happy that Mr Doris and the whole set up means that his kids are 'fixed', that there is no onus to fulfil responsibility and he can visit as a friend and not as a scorned child who let the world down, then I don't see how things could be better, under the circumstances. If future visits are spontaneous and based on wanting to see the kids rather than feeling that he ought to, or even if he dissappears for another couple of years because the guilt dreams stop now he knows you have a happy family, well either way, it sounds like the tension is gone?
Congrats to you & Mr for hosting so well.
xxxxx
I wish I could remember the whole poem, but the end bit goes:
"But you my love I'll always love, wherever you may be
So you may stay or go away, it doesn't worry me."
Monday, May 01, 2006 7:57:00 AM
Here's hoping that guilty conscience will prod him to visit more often, the driting in and out of their lives must be hard on the kids.
Glad all is/went well otherwise.
Monday, May 01, 2006 7:28:00 PM
I'm glad it went well; it's such a civilised way to behave, a shame that it's quite rare for everyone to get on like that!
Tuesday, May 02, 2006 4:05:00 PM
I'm also glad and quite relieved it went well...phew...huh?
It reminds me of my brother who having been totally out of touch for 30 years suddenly appeared at my mother's 80th birthday...(well, she had found him after years of searching and put pressure on him to come). He also did a fair bit of tenners-into-hand-pressing but that has subsequently died out and I haven't heard from him for over 2 years...
Tuesday, May 02, 2006 11:04:00 PM
Here is a similar tale of an Ex
Random and Odd
I'm glad folks are able to get along.
Thursday, May 04, 2006 2:48:00 PM