Today it just happened. Without any effort. The sun was shining and my daughter had offered to get out both deck chairs so I joined her. This is my teenager who mainly seems to want as little to do with us as possible and gets by with the minimum of communication. Admittedly things have been way better of late but then, I am grateful for the smallest of crumbs.
This afternoon was completely different and I must remember to keep it in perspective and not try and get any mileage from it. We talked. And talked. And talked. It even got to the stage that I was able to ask her about her childhood, from her view, and how she felt about certain aspects. We even went through a box of photos. We talked about boys and the cheeky thing turned to me and asked me in return "and are you seeing anyone?".
This is the sort of thing I hear other families do. Really nice families who have great lines of communication and here we were, a moment out of time, and it was glorious. I have to write about it to remind myself that it wasn't my imagination. This really did happen. And when the Big Brother repeat came on TV Mr Doris came out to tell us because daughter had expressed an interest earlier but she didn't flinch or seem to want to watch it after all. I kept schtumm and we stayed out there. Must have been about four hours.
I was able to tell her about a couple of things I wish we could do again and I'd do it differently and better for her. For example when Mr Doris and I married she was 9 years old. She said she didn't feel left out, just wasn't sure what she should do or when. She hadn't realised that Mr Doris and I had included special vows for her and her brother during the marriage ceremony so it was nice to let her know.
Best of all, she seems very happy to live with us and knows which side her bread is buttered on. She has the next few years mapped out and it's looking good. I have cried many times over her but now, for once, they are tears of happiness.
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Oh how wonderful! To have such a great chat with your daughter must have been brilliant! I have a 13 y/o son, and he's still talking to me...so far.
At least now I know if he goes quiet, I need to drag out some deck chairs and old photos :)
Sounds like you have a lovely family - well done :)
Monday, July 18, 2005 2:04:00 AM
I know what you mean about writing it all down while it's still fresh. Those kind of conversations with the offspring cannot ever be planned, but when they do happen are simply wonderful.
Monday, July 18, 2005 4:18:00 AM
How lovely - I'm glad you had such a good day!
Monday, July 18, 2005 6:52:00 AM
That was so very heartwarming. It seems you've given her the time & space she's needed to be herself, now she's coming to you & opening up. I'm so happy for both of you.
Monday, July 18, 2005 7:05:00 AM
Dear Superman I am unimpressed by your comments and the way you have been posting inappropriate comments on so many people's blogs. I am just deleting them so don't waste your time posting here.
Monday, July 18, 2005 8:30:00 AM
Ahhh yes ... one of those very precious moments in time. One that makes our nemisis stop dead in its tracks. It is as if time never existed. I've had a few of those myself with my 'boys' ... who are both now in their 30's. I still have to wait and hope for those fleeting moments as they both are involved in their own lives and live many, many hundreds of miles away.
I'm so glad you had this time with your daughter and if you are patient I am sure there will be more, but never enough.
Hugs.
Monday, July 18, 2005 10:11:00 AM
That's fabulous. I'll bet she loved it too. :)
Monday, July 18, 2005 11:06:00 AM
That's Great. When you think kids aren't listening, they really are. Cherish each and every moment!
Monday, July 18, 2005 1:41:00 PM
It was a nice post. I don’t have kids but I remember the thrill my mom got whenever I used to take the time to just talk with her when I was a teen. At that age I always thought that there would be all the time in the world to do that so I rarely did. You sound like a fabulous mom.
Monday, July 18, 2005 3:52:00 PM
Doris, sounds like a wonderful day. I hope many more memories that this one can be built : )
Monday, July 18, 2005 6:22:00 PM
Bless you for sharing that.
Was realy lovely to read.
:o)
Monday, July 18, 2005 7:53:00 PM
I think it is lovely you have this time with your daughter - It means so much to us mums to have close time - It's a shame they don't understand how much it means.
Monday, July 18, 2005 8:57:00 PM
Glad you had such a good time with your daughter. Hope there are many more ahead!
Monday, July 18, 2005 9:15:00 PM
Yeah for you! I hope my daughter and I will stay close as she grows up.
Oh, nd about Big Brother: That's what TIVO is for!
Monday, July 18, 2005 9:25:00 PM
Thanks for all your really kind comments. I don't think I am a particularly good mum but I 'do' and I really 'try'. I'm sure my daughter thinks I am very 'trying'! Yesterday was particularly special and unusual and I hope we can grow from that. But meanwhile, that was a great moment in time.
Monday, July 18, 2005 9:36:00 PM
Sounds like a fantastic day I have 13 yr old daughter and a 13 yr old step son so I know what you mean. A golden moment indeed.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005 12:40:00 PM
Lovely. Those moments are so sweet.
Last night we watched The Last Temptaion of Christ and there was a great little exchange of opinion afterwards. Got a bit heated at times but I didn't want it to end... by the time I called an end to it - it was 4am!
Tuesday, July 19, 2005 6:04:00 PM
I miss those chats my mum and I used to have. We had them a lot.
Your daughter will remember this, too.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005 7:12:00 PM
My god, is that great...nice post.
Thursday, July 28, 2005 6:42:00 AM