That lovely feeling of confidence

This time in two weeks I will have completed my one year beauty course. I did it. Put in the time and the energy and on the verge of completing, even though I shall be up to the line with the required assessments. It has been a mostly fabulous experience: nearly fifty years old and going back into a college environment with all the students and most of the tutors much younger. We have been a great group which has bonded well, been enthusiastic and worked our butts off. There have, however, been times when it has been extremely tedious and I have seriously wondered the merits of why I am doing this and what are the gains. Especially when I am repeating over a year most of what I had learned on very short and sharp courses it has sometimes seemed a time occupier that has kept me away from developing my co-existing beauty business and actually earning a decent income.

Now that I have also passed the entrance exam and been offered a place on the next level beauty course I am questioning the merits of another year at college. With a timetable that occupies more of a week I wonder if the end qualification is worth the time and investment involved. The pros and cons have been looked at and darling Mr Doris has been helpful in the discussions. Son even offered up his thoughts on the matter and really embraced the idea of his mother asking for his opinions. In the midst of discussions, an unofficial offer of a small financial present that would cover the enrolment and kit fees, or even towards expenses already incurred, came through. Is this the universe saying, "do it"?

This time next year I'd be completing that course and one thing I know I will have, is that delicious feeling of confidence in myself and my profession. Something that has been missing for so long. I remember it in my early twenties when I was a bit of a chef or a caterer. I just knew my stuff and that was all there was to it. Not a cocky arrogance, just a lovely feeling. I also had it when I worked with children. After two years of study and apprenticeship followed by some years experience I had that feeling of confidence in myself. Ever since I seem to have felt on the edge, not quite in control nor ever feeling quite so confident in me. I've walked the walk and talked the talk and generally given others the feeling I am very confident whilst inside was scared and barely holding on at times.

Already, in my new profession, I am feeling stronger and more confident and can see that growing even more. Whilst I might question the viability of taking out another year at college, and keeping business development on hold, I can not underestimate the gains to be made for my inner sense of peace and confidence.

"But" count = 0 found and none exterminated!