Holidailies are coming

The 13th Annual Holidailies no less though I couldn't find this free community project in 2010 and did my own December Dailies. I first came across it in 2007 and took part as an "At Home" participant which meant I did not have to go and post updates to the Holidailies site. This year however, in honour of doing everything as differently as possible and it being a productive year one way or another, I am going to be a fully signed up member.

Starting December 1st it is best to sign up now. Wahey, starts this Saturday.

Last Saturday I discovered from a close friend that I have become a grumpy old woman! Yesterday in the bank, the cheerful teller beamed at me like a best friend and cheerfully asked me if I had done most of my Christmas preparations. I quickly replied not a thing and I don't care. After being taken aback she laughed and said she was glad she was not the only one. Funny thing is, anyone who knows me knows how much I love a lot of the little details of Christmas: the decorations; snow; food and advent calenders; Christmas Stockings; and the good wishes; so it really was a blunt display of bah humbug. (Which, with the help of the useful blog search facility shows that I am also not adverse to either!)

On Sunday I volunteered as a Marshall at our local town's switch on of the Christmas lights. Silly me did not realise when I offered to help back in September that I would not yet be in the festive spirit and that I would be subject to Christmas Carols from 2pm through to 6pm. I had my face painted and charmingly smiled and chatted and Christmas bopped. I still wasn't feeling it.

Maybe Holidailies 2012 will do it. Bring it on!

Snappedy de do da

Yesterday 18 year old son did not snap at me. Not once. He smiled. He talked. He shared. He even answered a question. All before going out to work in the morning. I sit here typing almost with bated breath - will he emerge this morning as Mr Jekyll or Mr Hyde?

On the other hand, 23 year old daughter who has been so so lovely of late, and was admittedly suddenly struck down by a bad throat yesterday, and for whom I had really pushed the boat out by driving across the country the day before to rescue her because the UK train network sucks and she needed to be at her job by a certain time, was so unnecessarily short tempered with me. Very snappy on what could otherwise have been a momentous day.

Yesterday, I went down the road to do piano practise and had an impromptu lesson before late shift work. Both hands are working together, albeit simple notes, and it feels great. Had the first black key yesterday which was F ♯, otherwise known as G ♭. That was just an accidental note in a short piece. The next practise piece was in the key of G Major which means it has F ♯ but then, bizarrely, did not have any F ♯ which I had just "learned". What is that teaching book trying to do? Starts to tell you about these lovely licquorice notes you get to stroke and then tells you in this first piece where they are not accidentals that you are not to play any. I am puzzled.

Ironing the edges of ones life

Hats off to a very lovely Saturday in the company of an old friend and just chilling out. A very special day topped off by reclining on a sofa with friend in her conservatory, chatting about life and times, looking out into the wide vista with dusk gathering across the gardens, river and fields, as the rain pelted down. A moment in time to be treasured.

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

Bit by bit over the last months I have been clearing and sorting aspects of my life. Simplifying. Cutting back either actively or by default. Some of it has not been done positively and has happened as those things fell off the edge of my ability to cope. There was never anything personal. It just was what it was and as long as others did not take offence then there was nothing that could not be mended in time. Am I sad that some things are beyond repair? I'm not sure and I don't know. Is it worth me being angry and upset about someone's action as a direct result of my non-availability? Rhetorical belly button gazing.

Bit by bit I've been taking positive actions to help me live in the here and now. To appreciate and love and enjoy right now. In the middle of the night I have discovered the call centre for my mobile is not 24 hours so I have to wait before I can telephone to ask them to switch off my voice mail. What is the point of having a voice mail service when it distresses me? When I do not manage the calls and (wrongly) feel under pressure all the time by its very presence. Bizarre when one realises that the mobile is part of my business. Better to switch it off now, and then to re-integrate it back when and if I am ready for it. The callers can always text and at least they do not have to pay for a phone call to an answerphone that is not answered.

Dealing with the email has been a long drawn out process. Unsubscribing from a million and one lists I seem to be on has been cathartic. Lists and Groups I truly believe are great are just overwhelming. There was a time a few weeks back when I thought I was seeing a bit of space and then all the Christmas related emails have ramped up even from lists I thought I had already carefully unsubscribed. Many email lists are just rubbish and unsubscribing would just ensure being added to many more lists so those have been left alone.There may come a time when I think starting over with yet another new email address might be the only way.

Piano Playing

And just like that, I am learning the piano. Again. It is years since I have played with both hands and decades since I had lessons as an adult. Starting again from scratch feels great. A sense of jubilation as first the right hand plays some notes and then the left hand plays, one after the other in time and notes correctly picked. My teacher plays the jolly accompaniment and I feel like I have achieved much being part of this music making.

We do not have a piano nor space for one, then I recall that in my lifetime I have bought and owned two pianos and ended up giving both away.

Intolerance all around

Today - November 20 is International Transgender Day of Remembrance 2012


When you look at this Memorial List and realise it is of some of those murdered in just the last twelve months it is gut wrenching. All those lives cruelly cut short due to intolerance and ignorance.

What should also be added to that list are those that kill themselves and who have, in effect, been constructively murdered by society around them.

I hear people give lip service to understanding but sadly I think there are not many. Trans is not a lifestyle choice and the sooner people truly realise the better.

Thank you to Anji for bringing this to my attention today.