Sunday, 28 December 2008

Somewhere over the rainbow

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.

I used to have dreams, hopes and desires. Plenty of them. They propelled me ever forwards through my mixed-up life....

Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.

...and I ticked through the list as each materialised. The lyrics are so true. What comes first: the chicken or the egg? Same with dreams and reality. Actually, that is not a very good comparison which must mean I still have a bit of hot air left in me! [And this blog is back to being public again.] But you have to have dreams for them to come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far
Behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me.

Ah yes, far away with troubles far behind ..... that's me. I'm working on it and it is happening. This time tomorrow the removals people will be at our door. We are going. We are on our way. Like magic, troubles have melted like lemon drops simply by looking at things differently. In less than four weeks our lives have spun on a pin head. Funnily enough, we could have been above the chimney tops in our new home for the next few years but we certainly can raise our sights and see the sky, the sun, the stars and the moon. The whole universe is out there waiting for us and we can emerge from this odd self-created blanket we have been under.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can't I?

But I can fly. I can do it too. I used to do it all the time but somewhere in the warmth and comfort of my marriage I have rested my wings too long. They had become closed in and weak. And how curious I had a frozen shoulder for a lot of this year....

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I? arm is working so very much better and my wings have begun fluttering and I may even have taken a few tentative reconnaissance flights and can see worlds of possibilities ahead. We are finally lifting out of this rut we have been in and are shifting a gear or two.

According to my astrological chart which I recently had done, certain transits have systematically taken my life apart except for the bare essentials of hubby and children so that I can rebuild it how I want. If I was being ungrateful I'd wonder why it had to happen like that and couldn't little things have just happened but I know very well that the writing has been on the wall for some years but I did nothing and just watched. It is still not clear what is to be rebuilt so I have gone back to basics, getting on with bringing in an essential income, getting on with "doing" as the navel gazing of the last few years has not helped. In time I will know what I am doing and where, I just don't know yet: it is an open book.

This Christmas has been one of the best. So delightful, beautiful company, and so much hope and joy knowing that we were moving between Christmas and New Year. Since leftovers go a very long way, our lovely fest of Christmas dinner seems to have been the last meal I have cooked in this house - and I cooked that with a friend, and enjoyed with my ever adoring Mr Doris along with growing son, and grown-up daughter, who came home for the day too. Even though we have had to give up so much (hundreds of books [leaving us with hundreds now rather then thousands!], a pretty house, space, great facilities and more) there is a big smile on my face and in my heart.

2008 turned out to be a significant year for friendships deepening and mellowing and becoming even more special. In the midst of my inner demons and turmoils and pain of this year friends have turned up the volume. Amazing.

To me, to my family, to my friends, to us all:

May 2009 bring greater freedom, happiness and prosperity.

"Somewhere Over the Rainbow" Lyrics by E.Y. Harburg