Tuesday, 28 February 2006
Perhaps I have not had such wipe-outs since knowing my beloved Mr Doris but in the last couple of years I have had an oppressive thumb squidging me down as if how dare I even put my head up over the parapet. I don't know if it is all of my own making, shooting myself in the foot, but I like to think that I had at least progressed over the last ten years and was entitled to some happiness and success. So I was reassured when I found out last year I had some severe planetary movements and that maybe it wasn't my fault after all.
Somehow throughout it all I have kept going. I never got round to blogging about all the mishaps in the early part of last year. The time never seemed right and now it is just incredible to consider despite all that, so much has been achieved in whatever small ways. I was told that these severe planetary influences would clear by this Spring and would also herald some much needed money coming into the house. Being self-employed money is pretty vital stuff. I don't imagine we'll suddenly have monetary wealth though I wouldn't ever discount or dissuade it from showering largesse upon us, but I think it is about time we had more money coming in to provide a cushion.
The real changes though have happened this year and I have only blogged a little about them. One day you are minding your business and then out of the blue something happens that can change your entire life. The amazing thing is that you don't have to have a travesty or to lose your home or be caught up in some devastation. In a way I can't blog about it because I am living it and until I see where the cards fall I don't want to spoil it or pre-empt anything. Words can not do any of it justice as it is such an amazing story. The stuff of movies or best-selling novels!
It is mind-blowing and absorbing and completely rattling my foundations. The curious thing is that this particular experience is not just mine but involves at least a handful of other people who are equally affected and quite a few more who must also be affected but maybe not in the same way. We are affected by different aspects but at the heart of it is a love and a bonding that is so positive.
A big difference for me during this time of upheaval is that I can feel myself getting stronger inside. Of course I always have been strong or had a strength but only to a point. I have a survivors instinct but inside was often a flat battery that magically kept going. Now, I feel like something has intrinsically changed in me. Gone up a gear. Really positive stuff. I'm still me and still do what I do but something is better.
Wednesday, 22 February 2006
The downside is that it is narrower than a dinner plate and I wonder if the kids will now miss the hole and drip down the sides?
Today the second kitchen surprise arrived - it seems it is not enough to have a stonking new kitchen (but by jove we have worked hard on the kitchen and done a lot of the work ourselves). I knew he had wanted a projection clock for the kitchen wall. Either that or one of those glorious huge railway clocks. I had no idea what the package was when I opened it as it looked like some plastic coffee maker or kettle.... but when you pop it at the top of the cupboard and aim it towards the apex of our kitchen wall it just looks magnificent and extravagant and tickles us pink. What Mr Doris doesn't realise (but will now!) is that as a single parent living in London and not having two brass coins to rub together I used to walk past a very swish kitchen design shop and peer in the window with my urchins either in a pram or walking. They had a projection clock and I used to be spell-bound by it - they were very new back then. I never imagined I would one day have one.
This one is an analog clock in colour so you can see the hands and second hand going round. Our kitchen was looking fab (tho' not yet finished) but the clock really ties it all together and makes a focal point. I keep giggling about it all. The sheer delight and naughtiness of these gadgets. Bins that open and clocks that project on the wall. And we have a glass electric hob with no knobs to keep clean. We're in heaven!
Friday, 17 February 2006
Ally at Ducking for apples has come up with an intriguing activity that I just gotta have a slice of the cake.
It is a personality "thingy" and if you want to click on it and participate - you have to click on the six words that you think describe me best Doris' personality thingy. It then gives you the opportunity to go and set one up for yourself.
It will be interesting and ego expanding :-) Let me know if you do it and I'll come tick your boxes!!!
28 Feb 2006 Results so far:
(known to self and others)
caring, cheerful, friendly, intelligent
(known only to others)
able, accepting, bold, brave, calm, clever, confident, dependable, energetic, extroverted, happy, idealistic, independent, kind, knowledgeable, loving, modest, observant, patient, reflective, relaxed, responsive, sensible, spontaneous, sympathetic, trustworthy, warm, wise, witty
(known only to self)
(known to nobody)
dignified, giving, helpful, ingenious, introverted, logical, mature, nervous, organised, powerful, proud, quiet, religious, searching, self-assertive, self-conscious, sentimental, shy, silly, tense
61% of people agree that gransonbran is caring
61% of people agree that gransonbran is intelligent
able (15%) accepting (15%) adaptable (0%) bold (7%) brave (23%) calm (7%) caring (61%) cheerful (15%) clever (7%) complex (0%) confident (23%) dependable (15%) dignified (0%) energetic (7%) extroverted (15%) friendly (30%) giving (0%) happy (15%) helpful (0%) idealistic (7%) independent (7%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (61%) introverted (0%) kind (15%) knowledgeable (15%) logical (0%) loving (15%) mature (0%) modest (7%) nervous (0%) observant (7%) organised (0%) patient (7%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflective (15%) relaxed (15%) religious (0%) responsive (7%) searching (0%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (0%) sensible (7%) sentimental (0%) shy (0%) silly (0%) spontaneous (7%) sympathetic (23%) tense (0%) trustworthy (15%) warm (46%) wise (15%) witty (38%)
Wednesday, 15 February 2006
On Monday I checked our online family calender as I knew I have a dentist appointment sometime this week. Only to find an entry for the next day, Tuesday 14th, 7.30pm Surprise event for 2. The only information Mr Doris was prepared to share was that we shouldn't eat before hand.
We set off in the car with Mr Doris driving and with very little time to spare. Mr Doris seemed to be going round in a circle as I joked whether we were going round the block to come home for a micro-waved meal. No such thing!
He pulled in to the rather pretentious and swish looking restaurant and hotel round the corner with it's sign billing "Valentine's Dinner". It was lovely. The surroundings were lovely and the pianist began just as we were seated. The food was absolutely superb. The charlotte of carrot with the sea bass was a dream. The service was attentive.
Between the second and third course Mr Doris held my ring hand across the table. My hand looked so tiny and beautiful in his as he stroked each finger like the strings of a viola. The hands which had, up to an hour or so before, been assembling flatpack kitchen units now looked like a princess's! His gentle but electric touch as my eyes were drawn to his face looking serene and loving. He looked up, the romantic pianist playing in the background, and our eyes met. As if he took me by the hand and danced me round the room I felt our eyes dancing. Neither of us has particularly compelling eyes but we were hooked. With each other. It was a beautiful moment in time during an especially lovely evening.
Three and a half hours later, long after other couples had been and gone, we finally left. Full to the gunnells with wonderful food we made it to the car and the thirty second drive home. I giggled all the way. Somehow it was so deliciously and outrageously funny to be driving home from somewhere we could have walked. But if we had walked then it wouldn't have been a surprise.
Thank you Mr Doris. For everything.
Thursday, 9 February 2006
Tuesday, 7 February 2006
The poor sod. I could barely keep my mouth closed nor my tongue in my head as this cute guy with his tousled hair a la Jamie Oliver stood in our house. He's done work for us over a few years but now he has grown his hair from his usual close crop and what a difference it made. And not being one to keep my mouth shut I told him how cute he looked. With my beloved Mr Doris there I had to ask his opinion too! Mr Tradesman blushed in a way that is so adorable and makes a grown woman want to sweep him off his feet and tickle his funny bits. Of course I wouldn't and he hasn't made it to my imagination but for those few moments I was lost to wild abandonment. Sigh. :-)
Friday, 3 February 2006
The young man was already receiving psychiatric treatment and after the event was taken to hospital and then to a psychiatric unit. I hope he gets help and finds some peace in his life.
Meanwhile, I am delighted for my daughter. She saw what she saw and was having flashbacks and had been quite disturbed. This morning I have told her the news which was much to her relief. I have told her that I was proud of her for what she did and for the way she cared.
The other thing, was that I had contact with the police since two days ago and they could not find the incident on their computers and again they were searching this morning. I didn't at any point doubt my daughter but I did begin to wonder what is was that she had actually seen. Thank goodness I never shared this question mark with her as that would have been awful to add to her pain.
Phew and double phew!
[This post refers to this original post: Suicide is painful]
Thursday, 2 February 2006
I don't understand this gran porn thing.... I really thought it was a joke but then I actually clicked on some links to the dodgy stuff and well, as broad-minded as I like to think I am, I'm afraid I find it very hard to understand. We are not talking sexy grandmas or elegant older women. These are great-grandmother women who are spoken about in a derogatory and non-consensual way.
It all depends on which search engine is being used but a search on "bran" often turns up this blog on the first page of results. And what is this "fun bran" that a lot of people search for?
I've never kept a list of the weird and wonderful search terms used but this evening someone searched for "Wheelchair Snogging" in the BBC search engine which has really impressed me. Not sure why but I just like the idea of "Wheelchair Snogging".